Return of the Killer Shrews (2012)

A home media company that instantly became one to watch when it first popped up around 2023 is Film Masters, who've specialized in giving a lot of classic cult films, particularly those in the public domain, brand new, high-definition Blu-Ray releases. Some of the ones they've done at this point include The Terror, the original 1960 version of The Little Shop of Horrors, The Devil's Partner, Creature from the Haunted Sea, Night of the Blood Beast, Monster from the Ocean Floor, and such. The release that really put them on my radar, though, was their double feature Blu-Ray of The Giant Gila Monster and The Killer Shrews, which I think might've been their very first. Not only was it nice to finally see and hear both of those flicks in really good picture and sound quality, but they also came with a good number of fascinating special features, including audio commentaries. However, those features have proved to be something of a double-edged sword for me, as they ended up making this second Schlocktober a little less pleasant than it might've been. How did they do that, you ask? Because they made me aware of some decades-removed follow-ups to both of those movies and thus, took away an excuse for not talking about them. Case in point, the interesting commentary on The Killer Shrews by Jason A. Ney, who also wrote an essay about the film's endurance in popular culture in the little booklet that came with the Blu-Ray. Were it not for him, I would've never known that there was a sequel made over fifty years later, with James Best actually reprising his role of Captain Thorne Sherman. Given how much Best said the original film was a big embarrassment for him, I was more shocked that he actually agreed to be in the sequel rather than there was a sequel, although that was a surprise as well. And so, when I decided to update that old review I did of The Killer Shrews for Schlocktober 2, I knew I'd have to talk about the sequel or people would be asking me about it (little did I know at the time that there was yet another one, but let's not get ahead of ourselves).

The first night I watched Return of the Killer Shrews, I was a bit distracted because a really bad storm came through my area, but regardless, it was about what I expected: a very cheap-looking flick full of bad acting from a hunch of no-names (way too many of them, for my taste), several veterans who fared better because they were in on the joke but were still far past their prime, and lots of bad visual effects that were infinitely less appealing than those in the original. Wasn't too thrilled about having to re-watch and then review it but, I have to say, upon watching it a second, if you just go along with it and not take it seriously (which you're not intended to do, anyway), it can be enjoyable. Granted, I'm not surprised that it has a very low rating on IMDB and isn't well-liked overall, and I'm not saying it deserves any major reappraisal, but it knows what it is and doesn't try to be anything else. And unlike the third film, which tries to be a deliberately bad parody, this one mostly gets inside the material and has fun with it, without being too on the nose. However, it has other targets in its sights and goes for the jugular with them, along with some other bits of humor that don't completely land.

53 years after he dealt with the killer shrews on a small island off the coast of Texas, Captain Thorne Sherman returns there, along with his new first mate, Harold Rook, to bring two people, Wally and Christine, to the set of a reality TV show shooting there. Upon arriving, Thorne and Rook refuse to leave until they get paid right then and there. However, it turns out that the production is in complete disarray, a combination of an egotistical tyrant of a director, his extremely frustrated scriptwriter girlfriend who has to constantly rewrite on his every whim, an overly pampered star who won't do anything that's even the slight bit dangerous or that could damage his good looks, and low production values forcing them to overcompensate for what they don't have. But it turns out that that's the least of their problems, as the deadly killer shrews are alive and well, and ravenous as ever. Shortly after Thorne and Rook arrive, two PAs, Hector and Bobby, are killed by the shrews while out scouting, and not long after that, an intern sent to find them is also killed. When the show's production manager, Sam, learns he now has three people missing and informs the others, Willard, the director, opts to make the search and rescue for them part of the show. And if they're actually dead, so much the better, at least according to him. Wally and Christine die during the night, when the shrews attack their tent, and the next day, the group splits up to search for the missing PAs. Finding the bloody aftermath of the shrews' attacks, Thorne realizes what's going on and tries to warn the others. However, they soon learn the hard way when the shrews kill the show's intended star. Thorne and Rook guide some of the survivors to the old compound where Dr. Craigis and his team performed the experiments that created the shrews, and hole up inside. However, the situation is more complicated than they realize. Jerry Farrell, Thorne's rival for Ann's affections decades before, is not only still alive but in command of the shrews and intends to use them to enact what he feels is a long overdue revenge.

The film's director, Steve Latshaw, is someone who, like Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski, specializes in low budget, quickly made stuff that often either goes direct-to-video or cable (he's actually worked with both of those guys as a screenwriter). His first directing credit was 1991's Vampire Trailer Park, and he followed it up with movies like Dark Universe, Biohazard: The Alien Force, Jack-O, and Death Mask. He has a much large number of screenwriting credits to his name, mostly for a bunch of stuff I've never heard of, although he did wrote The Curse of the Komodo, an in-name only sequel to Komodo, wherein he took inspiration from both The Killer Shrews and Beast from Haunted Cave, and Megaconda, He also wrote the Sci-Fi Channel original, Stan Lee's Lightspeed. In any case, James Best credited Latshaw, who was an old friend, with convincing him to be in Return of the Killer Shrews. Moreover, he and Latshaw, along with a third man, Pat Moran, co-wrote the screenplay, which they completed in 2010 after talking about it on and off for years. Moreover, Best's production company, Best Friend Films, produced the film, so Latshaw must've really gotten him into the spirit. However, the movie seems to have tanked Latshaw's career, as he's done virtually nothing since.

According to IMDB, Return of the Killer Shrews holds the record for the most far removed sequel from its predecessor, especially given that we have a cast member from the original. Returning to the role of Captain Thorne Sherman as an old man, James Best manages to be one of the genuinely best things the movie has going for it. And, surprisingly, the character has more depth to him this time! While he doesn't have to worry about an oncoming hurricane like before, Thorne is still not thrilled about returning to the island after so long, and wants to just unload the cargo and passengers, get paid, and get out. A wonderfully salty old curmudgeon, he doesn't take any crap from any of the young punks who are behind the reality show's production, constantly talking back to them and even helping himself to a kiss from Christine, the very hot model he brought over to the island, along with Wally, the show's sponsor. He also has a very friendly, ongoing banter with his good friend and first mate, Harold Rook. Much to Thorne's chagrin, he and Rook have to stay overnight, as the people behind the show aren't very fast in dolling out the money. Still, that doesn't keep the two of them from having some fun with the others, especially when the alcohol comes out after they've wrapped for the day. Thorne is still constantly on his guard, though, especially when he hears some strange sounds coming from the jungle, as he's naturally worried that the killer shrews may still be around. The next day, when they find some blood-stained money, as well as the torn remains of one of the missing PAs, Thorne tries to warn the others that they're in danger but Willard, the director, sees it as an opportunity to add more spice to the show. It's only when they see the shrews kill someone in front of them that it truly hits them, and Thorne has that portion of the crew follow him and Rook to the old Craigis compound and house. There, he explains what the shrews are and what happened fifty years before.

James Best proves that, even in his 80's, he still had some charisma and dry wit about him, especially in the way he deals with the much younger characters around him. At the beginning, when they arrive on the island, and Thorne tells Rook they should just unload all of the "crap" they have onboard, Wally protests that he's not crap; and Thorne responds, "While you're on my boat, you're crap!" Shortly afterward, when Wally calls him an old man, Thorne says, "Old man? I'll slap you to sleep, and then slap you for sleepin'!"

Christine tells Thorne not to hit Wally, and when she refuses to shut up, like he says, he plants one right on her. This leaves her quite dazed, and as she and Wally walk away, Thorne says, "Ohh, I think I'm in love." Rook then comments, "Yeah, I think your shorts are on backwards," and Thorne responds, "I'll whip you too." Later, when Rook calls him an old-timer, Thorne threatens to, "Whip you like an omelette." Before that, when the two of them come upon some money on the ground, Rook asks him, "You think it's ours?",

and Thorne answers, "Well, it's ours now." As shocked as they are to find that there's blood on it, Thorne says, "Well, it... it'll spend anyway." He also proves to be quite a flirtatious old guy. When they take shelter in the compound, and Julie, another good-looking woman among the crew, comes out wearing a very revealing evening dress, he's more than willing to compliment her on how she looks in it. She says, "I feel like it's something you've seen before, Mr. Sherman," and he says, "Yeah, yeah. I've seen it off and on,.. and mostly off." He and Rook then exchange

knowing looks. Stella, the deceased star's agent, offers to whip them up a "little martini," but Thorne says, "Ooh. How about a big martini, ya cute little heffer?" Upon trying said martini, he says, "D'oh, that is evil! Just like my mama's!" And at the end, when he confronts Jerry, the two of them trade barbs about doing each other in, with Jerry threatening Thorne with a knife, only for him to retort, "That pig-sticker doesn't scare me. I'll take it away from ya and cut you off too short to hang." He spends most of the climax dragging Jerry along by the rope that's tied around his hands, constantly threatening to kick his ass if he doesn't get the lead out.

Believe it or not, Thorne does get some genuine moments of pathos. When he tells the group about what happened back in 1959, he remembers how Rook Griswold was killed by the shrews and gets teary-eyed and emotional about it. This leads to Harold Rook noting how Thorne always refers to him as Rook, and he says, "Yeah, I did. You don't look nothin' like him." Rook then asks why he calls him that and Thorne answers, "I don't know. He was my best friend... like you. I just don't know why I ever

put him in harm's way. I have to wake up every day thinking, maybe, I got my best friend killed." Best really gives this moment his all and it's genuinely touching. Later, when Rook tells him that no one would hold it against him if he made a run for the boat himself, he says, "It ain't gonna happen. I left my best friend on this island about fifty years ago. Ain't gonna happen again." He also remembers Jerry and how much he hated him because of Ann (about her, Thorne says, "I really started to dig her chili, if you

know what I mean,"), which seems to give him an epiphany about what may be going on. Sneaking out of the house and finding his way to a cave, which smoke is billowing out of, he already knows who he's going to run into, and is not a bit surprised when he finds Jerry up in there, controlling the shrews. During this confrontation, Thorne admits that, while he and Ann did get together for a little bit once they were off the island, it didn't go anywhere. He says, "All I did was buy her a cheeseburger and a beer at the Dallas Drive-In!" Though Thorne and Jerry throws threats

back and forth, they're ultimately too old to really fight each other. Fortunately, the three people whom Jerry is holding hostage manage to get loose and restrain him, and Thorne drags him across the island, making him play the flute he uses to control the shrews to keep them at bay until they get to the boat. But on the way, Jerry makes trouble, first by throwing the flute away and then by dragging his feet, slowing Thorne down. Jerry finally refuses to go any further, and Thorne decides to leave him to the shrews. There's a nice exchange where Jerry tells Thorne, "I'll

see you in hell," and Thorne replies, "I don't think so. 'Cause I'm goin' north." He does hesitate when Jerry is surrounded by shrews and looks as though as he's about to be eaten, but then, Sam uses a flare-gun to ignite some marsh gas and seemingly blows them up. After that, Thorne joins Sam and the others on the boat.

It's unclear whether Harold Rook (Rick Hurst), Thorne's new first mate, 100% believes his stories about the killer shrews, but he never patronizes or mocks him for it. One thing is for sure: the two of them have a really nice, brotherly relationship, and Rook respects Thorne, even if he does like to natter at him about being old. While he initially tries to get Thorne to relax, insisting that there's nothing on the island to be scared of, he starts to change his tune the next day, when they find the bloody remains of the shrews' feeding. They then try to warn the others that they need to leave the island, but it's only when the shrews kill again in front of them that they realize that Thorne and Rook are right. After running to and taking refuge in the old compound, Rook proves to be quite competent and level-headed, at one point telling Thorne and Stella, as they're drinking martinis, "Maybe we should stop drinkin' and start thinkin'?" And when Willard's stupidity results in Stella dying, Rook angrily calls him an idiot and decks him in the face. He opts to take Stella's body outside and bury her, but Thorne, knowing that the shrews would kill him, instead suggests he just take her out there and leave her to them to buy them some time; Rook, reluctantly, agrees to it. Like Thorne, one of Rook's best moments comes when Thorne tells them what happened in 1959 and becomes emotional about the death of Rook Griswold. When Thorne says he calls him by that name because, like Griswold, he's his best friend, Rook seems truly touched. He even suggests to Thorne that he make a run for the boat, but he opts not to. While Thorne goes to confront Jerry, Rook stays behind with Julie and tries to calm her down when she becomes hysterical, only for some shrews to break in and tear her apart right in front of him. He gets splattered with her blood, leaving him extremely shaken for a little bit. And at the end, he gives Sam the flare-gun from the boat that allows him to save Thorne and seemingly destroy the shrews and Jerry.

The film is something of a Dukes of Hazard reunion, as John Schneider is here too, playing Johnny Reno, the extremely vain dumbass star of the reality show. Before we even meet him, the two PAs, Hector and Bobby, are looking for a spot for him to climb coconut trees, something he just made up on the spot. And when we do first see Johnny, he fumbles coming out of a tent, tries it again, then comes up to the camera and states, "Remember, it's a Johnny Reno world. You just live in it," while giving the cheesiest smile imaginable. While filming his first actual scene for the show, Johnny, inexplicably, puts on what I think is meant to be a Steve Irwin impression (although he sounds more Cockney British than Australian), describing a heavily-sedated snake that's being pulled along on a string. When the snake wakes up and bites the poor guy who's doubling for the goat that they couldn't afford, Johnny isn't keen on sucking the venom out, mainly because the snake bit the guy in the rear, but also because he feels it wouldn't look good for his image. He does, however, agree to drag the "goat's lifeless body" away. At lunch, Johnny complains to his agent, Stella, that they're not using him to the best of his abilities and suggests that he wrestle an alligator to save his leading lady... a small alligator, as he has no stunt double. He's also looking for any excuse to rip his shirt off and, when they realize that Hector and Bobby, as well as an intern, are still missing, Johnny comes up with the idea of him leading the search. On top of everything else, he proves to be a sleazebag, as he openly hits on Julie, despite being quite a bit older than her (he says he'd make, "One heck of a mentor,"). And he's so full of himself and oblivious that, when one of the crew-members, Neavis, comes up and tells him that they're ready for him on set, he's too busy playing a guitar to pay attention. A couple of minutes later, he stops playing, looks around, and asks, "Somebody say something?"

I don't know if he was drunk, high, or just genuinely enthusiastic about working again, but Schneider does seem to be enjoying himself, even though he has to say dumb lines like, "I think we're gonna need a bigger goat," do impressions of Marlon Brandon when he first yells for Stella (despite her standing right next to him) and John Wayne when he leads the teams to search for the missing, running off and yelling, "Forward, ho!", and randomly let out a Tarzan yell, which even Johnny himself says was

stupid (Stella tells him, "You look great," and he answers, "I look great, but that was stupid,"). There's also the obligatory scene where Schneider, James Best, and Rick Hurst get together, with Johnny saying that Thorne and Rook look familiar, Thorne revealing he was a sheriff in Georgia thirty years before, and Johnny saying he used to get chased around there. There's a moment where all three of them seem to have an epiphany, but then dismiss it and never bring it up again. (Blatant much, all you Dukes of Hazard fans?) In any case, Johnny meets his end about

halfway in, when they're attempting to film his "finding" the bloody, tattered remains of the shrews' victims. After screaming like a little girl when he's startled by the shrews' screaming nearby, he attempts to redo the take, when they come up from behind and surround him. He screams like a sissy again and begs them not to go for the face, right before they tear him to pieces.

Since Ken Curtis died back in 1991, Bruce Davison, who starred in both Willard and Ben, replaces him as Jerry Farrell. Of course, by all accounts, Jerry should be dead as well, given how the original movie showed him getting swarmed by the shrews when he made his belated attempt to escape. But here, that's retconned, as Jerry says, "They almost got me," and adds, that while being chased, he stumbled across a cave that was a World War II storage area and which he's made into his lair. Since then, he's learned to control the shrews by using a flute to imitate the sounds they make, and has also continued the experiments and created a whole new species, which look to him as their alpha. Not only has Jerry truly gone insane in the decades he's been stuck on the island, but also all but admits that, like the shrews, he's resorted to cannibalism over the years to stay alive, killing and devouring anybody unlucky enough to come upon the island. Even more disturbing, when Thorne suggests that he may be very sexually frustrated due to being there alone for fifty years, Jerry answers, "I did alright,"; thankfully, he doesn't elaborate. As you can guess, when he realizes that Thorne has returned, Jerry is determined to exact revenge on him, blaming him for ruining his life, stealing away Ann, and leaving him there to die (none of which is exactly true, of course). Rather than have the shrews kill him, Jerry is determined to do that himself. It doesn't amount to much, as they're too old to fight it out, and Jerry is disarmed and subdued fairly easily when he's busy talking about how he took control of the shrews. During the climax, Thorne, trailing behind the others as they head for the boat, drags Jerry by the rope tied around his hands, making him use his flute to keep the shrews at bay. Eventually, Jerry tosses the flute away and, near the end of the trek, refuses to go any further and convinces Thorne to leave him to the shrews. But, even though he and the shrews get caught up in the explosion when Sam ignites the methane swamp fumes, Jerry is revealed to still be alive at the end.

Like the others, Davison does seem to be enjoying himself, getting to be delightfully crazy, especially in his scenes in the cave. Cooking the body parts of some of the shrews' victims, as a group of them wait nearby, he comments, "Man should eat to live, not live to eat... I think, uh, it was Twain who said it best, though: 'When the time has come that a man has had his dinner, it is then that the true man will rise to the surface.'" He then removes a ring from the "meat" and wears it himself. Later, when Mickey and Neavis take

shelter in the cave from the shrews, only to find that someone's living there, Jerry walks in, carrying some books, and comments, "All the comforts of home." He then sniffs the pot of boiling meat and remarks, "Soup's on." When Sam then finds them and tries to rescue them, Jerry shows up again, accompanied by a couple of shrews, asking them, "Hungry, boys?", before telling his captives, "Just kidding." Sam is then tied up and Jerry starts to explain why he's holding them hostage, when he says, "Hold that thought. It's feeding time," and walks off. During the climax,

when Thorne is dragging him along and making him blow into the flute, Jerry finally gets fed up and yells, "I don't take requests!", before throwing the flute away. And at the end of the movie, after seemingly getting blown up, Jerry finds and looks right at the discarded camera, asking, "Who's ready for dinner?"

As should be clear by this point, in stark contrast to the seven people in total in the original film, this one has quite a large cast of characters making up the reality show. The most sensible one of the bunch is Sam (Jason-Shane Scott), the production manager. He meets Thorne, Rook, Wally, and Christine at the dock and tells them that they're "hopelessly behind schedule," before taking them to the set and introducing them to everybody. You then see what he has to deal with: Willard's egomania and craziness, Julie constantly hitting on him because she wants to get ahead, Mickey getting mad at him for that, and two missing PAs and an intern. Genuinely concerned about finding them, he reluctantly goes along with Willard's desire to make it part of the show and have the crew split up to search for them. He's off with Julie and Ernie, reluctantly filming their attempt at acting like they're searching, and almost falls for Julie's charms, when Ernie is attacked and killed. He and Julie make their way to the compound, and there, Sam comes up with an idea to create an electric fence by running a wire attached to the generator around the house. But then, he has to deal with Willard stupidly going outside the compound with Lenora and Derek in order to get some footage of the shrews. He's unable to keep Derek from dying and is then chased into the woods, although he manages to use the shrews' fear of water to evade them. Following a stream, he eventually finds Jerry's hideout, only to get taken prisoner along with Mickey and Neavis when he tries to rescue them. Fortunately, Thorne comes to the rescue and, during the climax, Sam manages to blow up the marsh gas with a flare-gun and save Thorne.

Mickey (Jennifer Lyons), the show's videographer, has the unenviable task of dealing directly with Willard firsthand, and she's also aggravated by Julie, who often acts like she doesn't exist in her attempts to become a big star. It's not clear what exactly her relationship with Sam is, but she's not happy about Julie's interest in him, insisting that it's about the impact it's having on his work, rather than any jealousy on her part. She confides in Neavis (David Browning), the prop man, who's known Sam for a

long time, about this and he tells her that Sam is having to deal with the pressure of the entire production. That's about as much development as either of them get, but they end up sticking together when things go sideways. They happen to be with two other guys while searching for Hector, Bobby, and the intern, only for the other two to get killed by the shrews, while Mickey and Neavis run for it. They manage to lose the shrews for a bit, but end up taking shelter in Jerry's cave and he takes them prisoner. They're later joined by Sam, with Jerry using them to lure Thorne to him, but fortunately for them, Thorne not only shows up but Jerry is distracted long enough for the others to get loose. Of the crew, Mickey, Neavis, and Sam are the only ones who escape along with Thorne and Rook.

The most colorful character is Willard (Chris Goodman), the show's director. When Sam leads the others onto the set, he warns them not to look Willard directly in the eye, and it's soon clear why, as Willard is an utter asshole who despises just about everybody around them and treats them like dirt. One of his first lines is, "Work with me, people, and when I say work with me, I mean, 'I'm the director! Obey me!' Or, I know where you live and there will be no Christmas, capisco?!" They then have to shoot a scene with a goat, which is when Neavis brings in Derek dressed up as a goat because the real one was too expensive. Deciding to go with it, and explaining that they're going to fake the "goat" being bitten by a venomous snake, as well as how they're going to do it, Willard suddenly exclaims, "Do I have to do everything myself? I am losing control here... EVERYBODY QUIET! I hate you all. Roll camera." Even when the supposedly unconscious snake wakes up and actually bites Derek, Willard opts to go with it and keep rolling. And as if that wasn't a clue as to how unscrupulous he is, when Sam first tells them that Bobby and Hector are missing, Willard exclaims, "Who cares?! We're insured! Just send an intern and call lunch!" By the end of the shooting day, Willard is almost completely drunk on vodka (when he asks for his "medicine," he's handed a martini glass and a shaker, but drinks it straight from the shaker), and when he learns that the intern is now missing as well, he decides to make the search for them part of the show, and to have Johnny Reno be the one to find them. And if they're dead, he says that's even better, as he later tells Lenora, "We are now a reality show with a body count, which means... big ratings and obscenely big money." Naturally, he doesn't pay any heed to Thorne's warnings, and since he ends up getting footage of Johnny Reno getting mauled to death by the shrews, he later decides to sell it as a snuff film. On top of that, he attempts to get some better shots of the shrews themselves, using Derek as bait to lure them out. He even orders him to stay out there, while Sam is trying to stop Willard from doing this, and Derek ultimately gets killed. Willard also gets Stella killed when he stupidly switches on the juice to the electric fence while she's touching it, thinking they gave him the signal to do so. Finally, when they decide that someone needs to make a run for the boat, Willard opts to, along with Lenora, fully intending for the two of them to take off and leave the others to die.

Throughout the film, Lenora (Katherine Randolph), the show's writer and Willard's lover, is frustrated with his constantly asking her to perform rewrites (you even hear her slap him at one point). She reaches her breaking point when he decides to go from wildlife to the search for some missing, possibly dead, crew members, and she demands 10% of the gross in exchange. Much to her chagrin, though, while the two of them are sharing a tent at the campsite, Willard is more interested in her doing that rewrite than anything else. While she's more horrified at the deaths caused by the shrews than Willard, and calls him out on how low it is to use Derek as bait to get footage of them, she's more than willing to join him in stealing Thorne's boat and leaving everyone else behind. They do manage to reach the boat but, when Willard says, "Well, there's nothin' stoppin' us now," he jinxes them big time, as the shrews show up and promptly kill them both.

Julie (Jeneta St. Clair) also tries to escape the island with Willard and Lenora, but she manages to run off back to the compound when they get killed. This is the cap on her being an airhead slut who thinks she's the most gorgeous thing on the planet (the first thing she says to Mickey is, "Please don't hate me because I'm stunning, okay? There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It's like a twelve,") and is desperate to become a store. They also go with the obvious joke of her looks being a result of anorexia, as all she takes at lunch is baby carrot, and she takes one bite from it before saying, "I'm full." More than anything else, she really wants to get with Sam, and hits on him at every turn. When she goes off with him and Ernie to look for Hector and Bobby, she's intent on getting as much time on camera as possible, and does manage to nearly seduce Sam here, when the shrews appear and kill Ernie, forcing them to run for it. At the compound, Julie mainly just sits around and listens to Thorne talk about what happened fifty years before, and seems sympathetic when he talks about Rook. And after her attempt to escape gets ruined, she runs back to the compound, with Thorne meeting her at the gate and telling her that she's safe, "For a little while, anyway." He doesn't realize how literal that is, as when he's out confronting Jerry, leaving Julie at the compound with Rook, she gets killed by the shrews when they break in.

Johnny Reno's agent, Stella (Maggie Wagner), looks out for her client to the point of almost being like his mom. When Willard wants him to suck the venom out of the snakebite on Derek's butt, Stella isn't having it, saying, "Think of those pictures on the internet. I mean, oh my God, there goes your career." She's not against him dragging the "goat" to safety, though. At lunch, she advises Johnny to just take the money and run without putting in any more effort than necessary, saying she has a source who tells her the show won't get past half a season. So, naturally, she's staunchly opposed to Johnny's idea for him to wrestle an alligator to look heroic. She becomes concerned when things start to go wrong, and is utterly distraught when Johnny gets killed by the shrews. When Derek brings back half of his severed arm, the only thing left, Stella starts crying, whining, "My poor Reno!" Later, at the compound, Stella gets a little friendly with Thorne, mixing them some martinis, and declares that she's going to drink herself death. In the end, she dies as a result of Willard being an idiot, as he throws the switch to their makeshift electric fence when she's touching it. In fact, she goes out as a hero, as she realizes what's about to happen and shoves Rook away when he's grabbing the fence just as Willard activates the generator (though, there was no need for her to grab it herself). After she's dead, they use her body to keep the shrews satisfied for a while.

Poor Derek (Sean Flynn) is the definition of a butt-monkey. First, he's forced to dress up and act like a goat when a real one proves to be too expensive. Second, the venomous snake they use as part of the scene wakes up when it's being pulled along and bites him on the rear end. Even though he doesn't die from it, no one is willing to help him with it and he walks around, wincing in pain. Thorne, at one point, pours some tequila on the bite, which sends Derek running off, yelling. He is luck enough to be with Thorne's group when the shrews attack and takes shelter in the old compound with the others. In there, Derek messes around with a sword he finds on the wall, whipping it around and thrusting forward with it; miraculously, he doesn't kill himself or anyone else. (Thorne says, "Who do you think you are? Errol Flynn?", and he answers, "Who's that?" Sean Flynn happens to be Errol Flynn's grandson.) But he doesn't stick around much longer, as when Willard uses him as bait so he can get a better shot of the shrews, Derek does get eaten, despite Sam's attempt to save him.

The first members of the crew we meet, as Thorne and Rook are transporting them to the island, are Wally (Patrick Moran), the show's sponsor, and his girl, Christine (Holly Weber), who's also an advertising model for the company. Wally comes off as really pompous and arrogant, thinking he's beyond reproach and can treat everyone like dirt because he has a crap-load of money. Christine is also definitely vain in her own way, thinking that she can get a picture with Johnny Reno, even when he's working,

because of who she is. However, she's a little more likable than Wally, and I like how, when Thorne steals a kiss from her at the beginning, rather than being disgusted, she giggles about it. Wally tells her not to tease Thorne because he's old but Christine says, "I like him. He's cute." Also, for my money, she is, by far, the hottest woman in this film, and that's likely because she's in a bikini during her entire screentime, with the only other bit of clothing she sometimes wears being a sarong. Unfortunately, she and Wally are among the first to get killed, as the shrews attack them in their tent during the night.

Everyone else, like Ernie (Billy Towers) and Chuck (Jason Nguyen), is mostly just cannon fodder, although the lead-up to Ernie's death is memorable, as he comes upon a baby shrew and starts talking about how, "We used to hunt these little suckers with our BB-guns." Given how he's not put off by how large this "baby" is, as well as what he says, it makes me wonder if he's encountered killer shrews before. In any case, as he's going on about this, an adult shrew tackles him and tears him apart. We don't get to know

Bobby (Collin Hurst) and Hector (John Q. Williams), the two PAs at the beginning, very well before they get attacked, except that they've been tasked with finding a spot where Johnny can climb some coconut trees that they plan to put in after the fact. Before they get killed, they find the skeletal remains of Rook, and Hector attempts to tell Sam of this, but the lousy cellphone signal on the island interferes. Hector walks off to find a better spot, when Bobby gets jumped by the shrews. Hector sees Bobby get torn apart, right

before another shrew jumps at and kills him as well. (Their discovery of Rook's bones is another example of this movie's retconning the original, as they're buried in the dirt, behind a log, which lines up more with what happened to Jerry. And Bobby also finds an old watch that Thorne gave Rook, with an engraving stating that his name was Harold, even though in the original, his name was Rook Griswold.) Speaking of Rook (John Anthony Williams), the movie begins with a recreation of his death, spliced in with footage

from the original, which plays out differently than it did before (not to mention that this actor looks and sounds nothing like Judge Henry Dupree). And finally, when Hector and Bobby go missing, Sam sends out an intern (Patty Browning), an old woman who says that she's reinventing herself, to search for them, promising to make her a PA if she finds them. She walks off into the jungle, calling for them, and is quickly stalked and killed by the shrews. (There's some heavyset guy who gets killed along with Chuck, but I couldn't find that guy's name in the credits.)

In interviews before and during the film's production, James Best absolutely gushed about the people and equipment they had on it, including the cameras, which he said were the "top of the line." I don't know if he was just old and out of touch or what, but, even though I have seen a lot worse, this has that really cheap, shot on digital look all over it. While they did shoot almost entirely on location, there are moments where it looks a lot like they're in front of a green screen, just one specific example of a number of really bad digital elements throughout the film.

Besides the shrews themselves, there's the unconscious snake that Neavis pulls along on a string before it wakes up and bites Derek, digital water and rain, and an especially bad moment where they place Jerry in a distant shot of the cave on the mountain, watching the characters, just to name a few. There also some shots from the shrews' point-of-view, that are made to look distorted and are given either an amber or blood-red color scheme. And, intentional or not, the film has its own versions of the kind of cheap

day-for-night shooting that was common during the original's era. During the opening, set back in 1959, with Rook running from the shrews, it's shot through a filter to make it look darker, although Rook's white shirt and tan pants really stand out. Then later, during the actual story, it cuts from an honestly beautiful shot of the island at sunset (clearly done digitally, though), to Thorne and Rook walking around, unaware that Jerry is watching them from nearby, and they use an

obvious filter to make it seem like it's taking place at dusk (and it does a really shitty job at it, too). And it seems like Jerry is always standing in that same spot when he's either hiding nearby, watching the characters, or using the flute to call in the shrews (I wouldn't be surprised if they reused the same shot).

The minute you see the first daytime exterior of the island when the movie begins, you know that, regardless of its having been over fifty years, and despite the opening firmly placing it off the coast of Texas, this is not the same place where the original was set. That's confirmed once they get on the island, as the terrain is completely different: instead of barren forests and an overall rustic vibe, this place has a warm, tropical feel, with sand covering the forest floor, lush, green vegetation, lovely brooks and streams running, and large mountains in the back.

Sure enough, the movie was shot entirely in California, with the Sanna Movie Ranch serving as the main location, Eagle Rock as some of the island exteriors, and Marina del Ray Harbor for the docks. Also, the outside of Jerry's cave is that of the legendary Bronson Caves, while the inside is just some bare bones set, with shelves of books and liquor, crates that came from the compound, and a spot around the corner where Jerry cooks up some human body parts. I have to admit, though, that this

setting appeals to me more personally than the one in the original, as I like environments like this in general. As for the compound, while it has the same basic exterior look as the building in the original, with the fence and gate around the front door and a section of yard that's filled with junk, the inside looks completely different. Ignoring that it looks awfully clean and well-kept for a place that's been abandoned for decades, it's much more fancy than the very threadbare, low-rent house from before, with an

actual bar with liquor and some swords on the wall behind it. Aside from that main room, the only other spot in the house that we see is the basement, which, again, looks nothing like the one in the original (it's much smaller and has a dirt floor), and has a generator, which wasn't there before, either.

While not a send-up or spoof of the original movie, Return of the Killer Shrews is, as you've no doubt grasped, a horror-comedy, and a rather wacky one at that. Much of the comedy comes from the characters' often very exaggerated personalities, as I've already described, with Thorne and Rook mostly acting as straight men, but it also comes from the sheer lunacy of some of the scenes and situations. The most out there moment by far is when is Derek dressed up as a goat, then gets down on all fours, bleating like one, only for the tranquilized snake to revive and bite him

on the ass. Speaking of which, the way that snake is clearly digital, even when it's not moving, adds to how surreal this all feels, as does Johnny's random line, "I think we're gonna need a bigger goat." Not long after that, Willard wraps for the day and everybody is spending time around the bar they've set up, with Johnny Reno dancing like an idiot with Julie and Willard doing what looks like a drunken version of the robot. When Wally and Christine are in their tent together that night, you're obviously expecting them to start having sex, but when it cuts away and

then back to them, they're counting money, with Christine casually tossing it into the air. And then, there's how utterly crazy Jerry is, with the sight of him cooking human body parts and controlling the shrews with a flute, as well as the implication of the rather nasty things he's done to get by on the island. The confrontation between Jerry and Thorne is played purely for laughs, as they act like a couple of kids trying to come off tough. Jerry threatens Thorne with a knife, tossing it back and forth between his hands,

before deciding to resort to fisticuffs and punches Thorne square in the nose, with him exclaiming, "That hurt me! Listen, I wasn't ready!" So, Jerry asks if he's ready and punches him again, Thorne again groans and Jerry wrings his hand, as if doing so hurt him. Thorne declares, "Okay, okay. No more rules... Wait, one rule! No rules!"... and he gets punched again, while Jerry yells, "Ow!", and wrings his hand, before Mickey puts a stop to it and says they're too old for this. And let's not forget how the climax consists of Thorne literally dragging Jerry across the island by a rope.

Sometimes, the humor is too on the nose, like in the scene where Thorne, Rook, and Johnny seem to recognize each other, suggesting that they may have actually been their respective characters in The Dukes of Hazard at one point. Even if you're a diehard fan of that show, you have to admit this a bit much. Also, at the end, when the survivors are leaving the island, Thorne comments, "I've been here twice and twice is too many times." Sam asks, "Third time's the charm?", and Thorne answers, "Oh, maybe in fifty years or so." And there's one joke at the beginning that's just eye-rolling in how unoriginal it is: when Bobby finds Rooks remains and tells Hector that he's found some bones, Hectors says, "Bones? As in spare rib bones? 'Cause if it's got barbecue sauce on it, bring it on."

Like I said, despite the retcons and its overall comedic nature, the movie doesn't make fun of the original. It may not be meant to be taken seriously, and there's certainly nothing forcing you to seek it out after you've watched the original, but its connection to that film is played completely straight. You not only see footage from it, along with various stills and photographs during the opening credits, but when Thorne recounts what happened before, James Best doesn't make the snarky remarks you'd expect him to or comment on how "ridiculous" it all was when he

thinks back on it. Again, they even give him some genuine pathos in how much Rook's death affected him. Plus, Rook's skeleton is found by Bobby and Hector at the beginning (another retcon, as the shrews left almost nothing behind when they ate him, including the bones), with a watch that Thorne gave him as a present. Moreover, as over the top as Jerry is portrayed, and as comedic as his interactions with Thorne are, when they talk about what happened between them, especially when it came to Ann, it's

not done in a mocking manner at all. Finally, even the shrews themselves, despite mostly being brought to life through really bad CGI, are treated as an actual threat that everybody has to escape from. Now, all this said, there are moments where the movie has a little fun with the original, as it opens with a bit of melodramatic narration akin to Gordon McLendon's, and the shrews' not liking water is taken to a silly extreme, as they won't attack Sam even when he's just standing in a knee-deep stream. But even then, it's not acting as a smarmy put-down towards it.

If the movie is mocking anything, it's Hollywood, celebrities, and especially reality television. It's not at all subtle about it, either, from what an unscrupulous egomaniac Willard is, to the point where he plans to sell the footage of Johnny's death as a snuff film, and how full of himself Johnny is, to Stella pampering her client at every turn and Julie being so shallow in her desire to become famous. Also, being someone who has never cared about reality television, I always like it when someone decides to take the piss out of it and comment how fake it is. Not only are Johnny and

Willard constantly dreaming up scenarios, but when Bobby and Hector are walking around, looking for a spot to digitally put in fake coconut trees for him to climb, they have this respective exchange: "I thought this was a reality show." "That's what we need CGI for, Bobby: To make it look more real." And when Stella tells Lenora, "I didn't know reality shows had writers," she remarks, "Somebody's gotta make this crap up." I have a feeling that a lot of this was influenced by James Best, who, in an appearance where he announced the movie's production, said,

"I'm tired of what's comin' out of Hollywood." (I don't know if he realized this movie wasn't going to exactly line up with his plans for his production company, but we'll get to that.) There's also a brief dig at horror movie tropes when, before Wally and Christine get attacked in their tent, Wally notes, "I set up our tent fifty yards away from the others. I figured we'd want our privacy." Again, you then expect them to start having sex, only for them not to, and still get killed. And at the end of the credits, it satirizes the way the

classic James Bond movies would end by declaring it's the end of the movie you just finished and announcing the next film, as it says that the killer shrews would return in Revenge of the Killer Shrews. It's also akin to how Bubba-Ho-Tep ended with a promise of Bubba Nosferatu, and was clearly just meant to be a gag (however, unlike the latter, it partially came true, as we'll see tomorrow).

This time, instead of being portrayed as voracious predators out to kill everything they see, the killer shrews themselves mainly function as Jerry's attack dogs, responding to the sound of his flute, be it when he's ordering them to attack or retreat. In fact, they do often act like dogs whenever they're around him, as they run up to him all excited and even tend to wag their tails. They obey his every command, even when he's not using the flute, and while the implication is that they would attack him without it, that doesn't seem to be the case, even at the end, when he tells

Thorne to leave him behind to die.Jerry also clarifies near the end that these particular shrews are a different species, which he created from the elder ones, which may be a way of explaining why their design is different, as well as why they don't have their predecessors' poisonous saliva. Also, instead of the chattering sound from the original, here they let out these ungodly yells, kind of like the screams of Tasmanian Devils.

I don't know if it was meant as an intentional callback to how poorly they were portrayed in the original or just a result of the microscopic budget, but 90% of the time, the killer shrews are created through really shitty CGI. Some close-ups on them are done with puppets, like in the original, but most of the time, it's this bad digital work. I have seen worse, believe it or not, and you'll see some examples of that later on this month, but this is still horrendously bad and on the level of a Sci-Fi Channel original. Not only do they look awful in general, with very stiff movements

and run cycles, but they never feel like they're in the settings with the actors. The lighting on them is only done in a rudimentary way and they often come off as very floaty, especially when they attack someone. When they jump on an intended victim in order to bite into them, it looks as if they're hovering in front of the person's torso, rather than gripping them with their claws. But like I said, they're far from the only bad digital effects here, from the snake in that one scene to environmental enhancements like water and

even a lot of the blood in the attacks. It's also supposed to be raining when the crew stay on the island overnight, but not only is the digital rain so fake-looking, you may not even notice it, due to how dark the day-for-night photography is. And the big explosions at the end when the methane is ignited look like something from an old PlayStation game.

In that same appearance where he said he didn't like what was coming out of Hollywood nowadays, Best said, "We're gonna make family type of films." I wouldn't exactly call Return of the Killer Shrews a family movie, as the shrew attacks can be quite bloody, as you can see, but I must say, it's not as explicitly violent or sleazy as you might expect. There's some profanity but nothing too strong; there are no F-bombs and I don't remember the word "shit" ever being used. There's no sex, as I said (although there's a lot of innuendo in the dialogue), and

Christine's bikini is the closest you get to any nudity. Really, apart from the constant drinking, the only truly objectionable aspect is the violence and, while not the most extreme bloodletting you could hope to see, it's still pretty grisly. When the shrews attack someone, you tend to see blood spray (mostly, it's crappy CGI, like with the shrews, but in the cutaways where you see them spraying all over something or someone, it's actual blood), and there are occasional major close-ups of what I think are supposed to be the

shrews' teeth digging into the victims' flesh, though it's mainly a mess of CGI. There are instances of practical severed limbs, as well. The most gruesome sight is at the beginning, when Bobby stumbles towards Hector and you see that his entire left arm has been torn off. Wally and Christine's deaths are rather nasty, too, with blood splattering on the inside of their tent, close-ups of their fingers getting chomped at, and their money getting covered in

blood. And when Johnny Reno gets killed, the shrews only leave half of one of his severed arms, which Derek picks up and carries over to the others. You also see the aftermaths of the attacks, like bloody pieces of clothing and money, and Jerry is, of course, doing his "cooking" in the cave. However, the silliest death is Stella's, as when she gets accidentally electrocuted, there's little to suggest that she got fried, aside from some terrible digital smoke and a bit of black around the one side of her face. And as you can see, the face she makes is really funny.

Honestly, ignoring the very low production values, cheap effects, and instances of humor that don't do much for me, my biggest issue with the film is, ironically, similar to one of my major problems with the original: it tends to meander around. Fortunately, it's not much longer than the original, coming in at just 83 minutes, as opposed to 69, but like that one, the first half consists of little more than the characters either roaming around the island or loitering about the spot where they have lunch and later set up the bar.

You do get some people dying by the killer shrews during this part (as you may expect, this movie has a much higher body count), and the point of all this is to set up the characters' personalities and dynamics, which are a bit more memorable than in the original. But, overall, not much happens until Johnny Reno gets killed, which is literally right around the halfway mark. Even then, in-between the occasional shrew attacks, much of the second half focuses either on Thorne's group when they hole up in the compound,

or the others who are left alive running around and getting themselves captured by Jerry. Speaking of which, there are way too many characters to keep up with. A chunk of them are there just to get killed and do early on, but there are still many others who last for quite a while and it can be difficult keeping them all straight. Finally, the "climax" is hardly thrilling, as it's a lackluster run to the boat, with Thorne lagging behind because Jerry is so uncooperative, and it ends with Sam running back from the boat and shooting a flare gun that ignites the methane that's in the air, leading to a series of awful-looking digital explosions. And even then, it's not really over, as some of the shrews and Jerry are revealed to still be alive, somehow.

The music score is by Jeffrey Walton, who's done the music for some of Steve Latshaw's past films, like Dark Universe, Biohazard: The Alien Force, and Jack-O. It's kind of done in the style of 50's sci-fi films, coming off as big and bombastic during the action and chase sequences, and attempting to sound weird and otherworldly in others. Also, when Julie gets killed, horrifying Rook, the music there is actually kind of unsettling and creepy. My favorite part of the score, though, is the piece that plays during the opening credits, which starts off as genuinely eerie, with what sounds like a vocalizing female voice, only to transition into a classic theremin, accompanied by a sort of foreboding melody. Then, when the credits truly begin, that theremin hits full on, leading into a big, 50's-style, percussive main title theme, with more theremin thrown in for good measure. However, like the movie itself, the music doesn't take itself too seriously, as it sometimes acknowledges and accentuates the goofier parts, most notably when Johnny Reno acts like John Wayne, which is scored in an over-the-top manner that's supposed to make him feel like this big, heroic figure. It also reacts to his presence, as it suddenly stops when he runs offscreen, only to come back with him. And during the scene with Thorne, Rook, and Johnny together and seeming to recognize each other, you hear this twanging guitar string.

More memorable to me than the score are some songs on the soundtrack, with instrumental versions of them playing here and there. For example, this one, called Shrewd Awakening, can first be heard playing when Johnny fumbles getting out of the tent when he's introduced, while the actual song plays over the ending credits. It's this soft song, sung by a pair of women, Jillian and Katie Torrence, billed as "the Shrewettes," with Bruce Davison himself playing the flute you hear, and Dean Torrence, their father and lead vocalist on one of the other songs, providing some other sounds heard. Other songs include Star of the Beach, a sort of old-fashioned, surfer-kind of song that plays during a montage of the show's production; Sloop John B, a reggae-style song you hear when everyone's fooling around the bar near the filming set; I Wanna Go Home, this melancholic tune that plays when Sam first rebuffs Julie's advances; and Fifty Years, or Jerry's Lament, which plays during the scene before Jerry is first revealed, and when Thorne goes to confront him.

Look, I'm as surprised as anybody to be saying this, but Return of the Killer Shrews can be an entertaining flick, if viewed with the right mindset. It's low-rent trash, with minuscule production values, a cheap look, a bunch of no-name actors giving some very exaggerated, and pretty bad, performances, truly horrendous digital effects, instances of humor that don't land, and a tendency to spend time spinning its wheels. But that said, James Best, Rick Hurst, John Schneider, and Bruce Davison are fun to watch, the jabs at Hollywood, stardom, and reality TV are enjoyable, as are the instances of over-the-top, kooky comedy, the location is very lovely, the music score and soundtrack aren't half-bad, and, most shocking of all, despite the liberties it takes with it, as few as a little bit of ribbing, the movie is surprisingly respectful to what spawned it. I understand if you think this flick is utter crap, and I get why it has such a disastrous IMDB rating that's unlikely to climb much higher, but I personally enjoy it more than some other latter day schlockfests I could name, and some of which we'll see later on.