Movies That Suck/Dino Flicks: Reptilicus (1961)

Yet again, the poster promises something better.

When it's briefly mentioned in The History of Sci-Fi and Horror, a VHS documentary that I watched a lot during my young adult years after I received it as a birthday present in 2001, Butch Patrick describes Reptilicus' release as the point when, "Dinosaur movies struck rock bottom," and it's the truth. If Gorgo possibly briefed some new life into the genre, which was beginning to peter out by the early 60's, Reptilicus, which was released in Denmark in 1961 and in America the following year, suffocated it. It didn't kill it completely, obviously, as One Million Years B.C., The Valley of Gwangi, The Land That Time Forgot, and others were still to come, but the genre's heyday, when you had at least one of these types of movies come out every year (regardless of their individual quality), was definitely past. In any case, like a lot of these movies, I first learned of Reptilicus through Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies, that old VHS trailer compilation I watched many times as a kid. What's interesting is that, while the T-Rex in The Land Unknown didn't impress me, even at that age, Reptilicus, despite being an even worse special effect, didn't hit me as being such. It was confusing for me as a kid to hear the trailer's narrator describe him as an "annihilating mastodon," since I knew that a mastodon was a woolly mammoth and not a long, snake-like thing, but regardless, the movie looked interesting enough and it seemed to have a bit more of an edge than the others featured on that tape, as it showed people falling off a bridge to their deaths, getting covered by Reptilicus' acid spit, and a guy with a bleeding head driving a tank right up to the monster. Like just about all of those other movies, I filed it away as something I would have to see, sooner or later, and while I did get my first glimpses of it later, it ended up being around the same time as when I first saw Gorgo, in my early teens. It was on AMC EFX, this programming block that AMC used to have every Friday night where they would play this show, Cinema Secrets, and show an old special effects movie afterward. On the night they showed Reptilicus, I saw the first little bit of it, with the discovery of a piece of the monster's tail and how, after it's accidentally thawed out, it begins to regrow its body, an idea that I found to be rather creepy at that age and I still feel is one of the film's more effective aspects, but I didn't see the whole movie. I was visiting my aunt then and it was getting late, so I had to go home.

I would see more pieces of it over the years, mainly when it was shown on Sci-Fi Channel, such as Reptilicus' first real appearance, a little of his rampage on Copenhagen, and the sequel-bait ending, but I didn't actually watch the movie from beginning to end until 2013, when I found it on YouTube. As you can imagine, over the years of my seeing bits and pieces of the movie, I learned of how low popular opinion was on it and I found couldn't disagree with that notion, judging from what I'd seen. But when I sat down at my compute to completely watch it, I figured that it might at least be entertaining in a cheesy way, with some nice monster action, as is often the case with these types of films. I remember, however, thinking it was just bad, and yet, when it was released on Blu-Ray by Scream Factory in 2015, I was willing to give it another chance. I thought that seeing it in high-def might help a little bit and I was also interested in the movie it came packaged with, Tentacles (another awful movie, I might add; not to get off-topic but a movie about a giant octopus should not be that boring); nope, it still sucked, and it always will. To some, Reptilicus is a prime example of a "so bad, it's good" film, but not to me. This is a massive turkey in every way, shape, and form, with very little positives and even those that I can think of only go so far. Besides being poorly-acted, with characters you don't give one iota of a crap about, and having special effects that are almost never anything but laughable in how bad they are, the movie is just dull, with no excitement or impact given to the monster scenes that are already hampered by the lame effects. And it's a shame too, because the concept has some promise, which I think you see a little bit of at the beginning of the movie.

An American-Danish production, Reptilicus has two different versions, one that was shot for Denmark and another for the American market. Rather than simply dubbing the Danish actors' dialogue for the U.S. release, they literally shot two different versions, using the same sets and 99% of the same cast, now speaking in English. In spite of this, the two versions have some notable differences, with scenes rearranged, replaced, or removed altogether, and the actors' voices dubbed by American-International Pictures because of their thick accents and inflections. Normally, I would be focusing the meat of my review on the film's native language version and talk about what was changed for the American release near the end of it, as I've done in the past, but that's not going to be the case here, mainly because I've never seen the Danish version. Trust me, it's not from a lack of trying, as I looked everywhere online to find an upload of that version but to no avail. I know it's not lost, because I saw someone with a DVD copy of it review it on YouTube, but I've never seen it myself. Thanks to that video, I do know what was removed and it seems like the story is the same otherwise, so we'll just do things like normal and I'll talk about the changes as we come to them. I've also heard of a third version, that features both Danish and English, but I can barely find anything about it.

While drilling in Lapland, a mining operation, headed by Danish-born Svend Viltorft, is interrupted when they pull their drill up to find blood, bones, and a section of leathery flesh wrapped around it. Suspending the drilling, Svend contacts the University of Copenhagen, who in turn send two scientists from the Danish Aquarium, Prof. Otto Martens and Dr. Peter Dalby, to the site. After conducting their tests, they determine that the remains of a huge, ancient reptile are buried within a layer of frozen muck close to the surface. Fragments of bone and a frozen section of the creature's tail are transported to the aquarium, with the latter being kept stored in a refrigerated room in the laboratory, and with continued study, the two scientists learn that it's unlike any animal they've studied before. However, while working late one night, Dr. Dalby doses off at his desk after removing a piece of flesh from the tail for examination, unaware that he didn't close the door to the room securely enough. The door slips open and, when Martens and his daughter, Lise, come by the next morning, they find that the tail bit has been completely thawed out. Initially, it seems as if though they've lost an amazing find, but upon examining the tail, they find that the wound from the drill is healing and the piece is beginning to regenerate its entire body. Later, the United Nations sends UNESCO scientist Connie Miller to help with the study of the growing creature, as well as Brigadier General Mark Grayson to provide security. The creature, dubbed "Reptilicus" after a suggestion by a news reporter at a press conference, is being kept in a tank in the back of aquarium, continuously fed a nutrient-rich liquid and grows rapidly as a result. One stormy night, it awakens and begins to stir in its tank. Dalby sends the nightwatchman, Peterson, to get the police but by the time they return, there's no sign of the doctor, as he's been seemingly devoured by the fully-regenerated Reptilicus, which has escaped into the Danish countryside. The enormous creature is soon on the rampage, destroying and eating anything it comes across, and Grayson, leading the Danish armed forces, must find a way to stop it without blowing it into bits that will grow into other monsters... and soon, as Martens explains it's likely to return to Copenhagen, which is essentially its birthplace.

The elusive Danish-language version of Reptilicus was directed by Poul Bang, who started his career in the film industry in the early 30's as a soundman, working as such until the 1940's, when he was promoted to producer-director. He directed over 20 feature films and documentaries from 1943 to 1963 (Reptilicus was one of his last) and he produced another 24 up until 1967, with the last one being Six Kids and the Honeymooners, which seems to have been a followup to a 1966 film he produced called Six Kids and Their Uncle. According to his Wikipedia page, his last gig was as a cinematographer on a documentary called Princess Margrethes bryllup, which was released in 1967, the year he died at the age of 62. However, it's the American version's director, Sidney Pink (and yes, that really was his last name), who can be referred to as the one responsible for Reptilicus. Pink had first entered the industry as a unit production managed on Lost Horizon but he really got his start in the 50's as a producer, producing Bwana Devil, one of the first 3-D movies; The Twonky, a movie about a TV set that goes berserk (I only know of that thanks to The History of Sci-Fi and Horror); and The Angry Red Planet. Prior to Reptilicus, Pink had actually directed only one film, an obscure 1953 movie called I Was a Burlesque Queen, and his lack of experience shows, as he screws up in the most basic aspects of filmmaking, like blocking and camera angles (he only directed four other films). Regardless, he was not pleased at the prospect of AIP reediting his version of the film and threatened to sue, although he backed off when he and some professionals took a look at his version. He continued producing films up to the 1970's, including some spaghetti westerns and he also recognized Dustin Hoffman's talent and put him in the movie, Madigan's Millions, which was released after the success of The Graduate. Pink died in 2002 at the age of 86.

Ib Melchior

Reptilicus' reputation as the "Danish Godzilla" may seem like a predictable one, as it's the only monster movie Denmark has ever produced, but what's funny is that it does have something of a tie to the Big G himself. The film's screenplay, which was written by Sidney Pink and Ib Melchior, who'd directed The Angry Red Planet and was born in Copenhagen, was based on a script Melchior had written in the 50's called The Volcano Monsters and, before the second Godzilla film, Godzilla Raids Again, was turned Gigantis, the Fire Monster for its American release, it was originally going to be turned into that. The small production company behind The Volcano Monsters had intended to construct a brand new story around the effects footage from the film and had even talked Toho into sending them the Godzilla and Anguirus suits so they could shoot some effects shots specifically for the intended film. Ultimately, said production company collapsed and The Volcano Monsters never became an actual film but the basic story, of a T-Rex and Ankylosaurus being found frozen in ice, transported to San Francisco, thawing out, and going on a rampage, was reworked into the story of Reptilicus terrorizing Denmark after his frozen tail bit is brought there and regenerates. What's more, in the last years of his life, Pink had tried to get Reptilicus remade in order to cash in on the 1998 TriStar Godzilla film but when he died, the project died with him. (Speaking for myself, I don't think a remake would be that bad of an idea.)

A major problem with Reptilicus in regards to its cast is that, in addition to some pretty bad acting (which isn't helped by the dubbing in the American version), is that you don't have a single central character who acts as the lead. Rather, the focus shifts from one character to another for various sections of the story as it progresses and, while this narrative structure can be done well (the original Godzilla is a perfect example), the lack of development and any real personality keeps you from caring about what happens to any of them. Take for example Svend Viltorft (Bent Mejding), the young man running the mining operation who discovers Reptilicus' remains at the very beginning of the movie while doing some drilling (in the Danish version, they're drilling for oil, whereas in the American one, it's copper). You'd expect him to become the film's dashing leading man and for one of Prof. Martens' two daughters to become his leading lady for the duration but that's not what happens at all. After he contacts Martens and Dr. Dalby, the only significant thing he does is to bring them some more of Reptilicus' bone fragments and, despite continuing to show some interest in what he's uncovered, he's immediately whisked away by Martens' aforementioned daughters. It would then make sense for Svend to leave the movie completely but, instead, he not only sticks around but also becomes very involved in the military's attempts to stop Reptilicus under General Grayson's command. There's no earthly reason why they would allow him to be in on their operations, and while he does work hard to help in any way he can (stemming from a feeling of guilt since he's the one who found Reptilicus), to the point where he falls asleep at a desk, the only major contribution he makes is to give Grayson the idea of drugging the monster so he can be disposed of later and helps to prepare the tranquilizer. Svend is also present when Reptilicus is defeated at the end but he still does nothing at all important.

Svend has a little more screentime in the Danish version, as they try to inject something of a romance between him and Karen Martens that ultimately proves pointless. Said relationship is as shallow as a kiddy pool, too, even with this extra material, as you have a couple of random beach scenes between them where, in one, they're arguing, and the next time you see them, they're suddenly happy again. Seriously, that's how it goes. The first time you see them on the beach, Karen is chastising Svend for his kind of dour attitude and she playfully smacks the beach-ball he's holding out of his hands, telling him not to think if it makes him feel bad. He then angrily tells her to grow up and storms off. And then, in the second beach scene, they're playfully chasing each other and end up on the sand, where Karen promises that she will grow up so she can be with him, as well as be how he wants her to, and Svend tells her that he loves her just the way she is, even if she does need to grow up. That's about as far as that goes and Karen, as we'll get to later, becomes even less of a memorable or necessary presence than Svend, just like their relationship.

Once Svend contacts the two scientists from Copenhagen, the film momentarily shifts its focus to them and their examination of Reptilicus' remains. Of the two of them, Prof. Otto Martens (Asbjorn Andersen) is more prominent in the story and is also a little more practical than his colleague, Dr. Dalby. He's just as fascinated by the discovery of Reptilicus and what it could mean, especially when he begins to discover just what an unusual creature he is through his initial research, and is quite frustrated with Dalby when he seems to have ruined their opportunity by accidentally letting the tail tip thaw. When the tail begins to regrow its body, he realizes the possibilities and has it placed in a special tank where it's fed a nutrient-rich fluid (he's also the one who decides to call the creature Reptilicus, from a reporter's suggestion), but as he continues his study, he seems to grow concerned about its more sinister aspects, like the acidic slime being secreted from the mouth; he also notes that if Reptilicus continues to grow as rapidly as he is, they'll have to build another tank. And when Reptilicus awakens, appears to have devoured Dalby, and escaped into the Danish countryside, rather than insist that this significant discovery not be destroyed, he recognizes the threat and gives the military suggestions as to where they might find the monster, as well as warn them that he may eventually return to Copenhagen, his essential birthplace. Later, he attempts to warn them that bombing Reptilicus is a really bad idea, given his regenerative abilities, but before he can do so, he has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. He only reappears a couple of more times, once to remind Grayson of the risks of bombing Reptilicus and asking him if he's sure he could round up and destroy all pieces of the creature. The strain of this, however, causes him to wince in pain and he has to be sedated off-camera, which leads to Grayson deciding to do the same to Reptilicus, although he is seen joining the others at the very end.

Though he gets less screentime than Martens, Dr. Peter Dalby (Povl Woldike) is rather significant to the story in that his rashness and unwillingness to give up on a problem is what leads to Reptilicus being reborn. You see a hint of this when they're back in Copenhagen, as he stubbornly refuses to give up on trying to piece together some of Reptilicus' bone fragments, and that night, he continues to work very late, growing more and more tired, to the point where he falls asleep at his desk after taking a sample of the frozen tail tip's flesh to examine under the microscope. In his fatigued state, Dalby is unaware that he didn't close the door to the refrigerated room securely enough and, as he sleeps through the rest of the night, it slips open and the tail tip thaws until they discover it the next morning, realizing that it's regrowing its body. Dalby only becomes rasher after this, as at one point you hear that he's suggesting that they increase the flow of the nutrient fluid that's feeding the growing Reptilicus, and when they do, this seems to lead to the creature awakening one stormy night. Upon realizing what's happening, Dalby tries to get ahold of the police but is forced to send Peterson to fetch them because the phone lines are down due to the storm. Once the watchman has left, Dalby rather stupidly walks towards the room where Reptilicus is stirring and is never seen again, the others finding only his glasses at the scene, heavily suggesting that he was eaten alive.

Going back to Prof. Martens' daughters, neither of them are significant characters in any way. Lise (Ann Smyrner), the blonde one, is the one who vouches for the goofy Peterson and gets him the job as the aquarium's nightwatchman, whereas Karen (Mimi Heinrich), the brunette, is the one who takes an immediate interest in Svend before she even meets him. In her first appearance, she proves to be quite bubbly and unable to sit still, eagerly bringing her father a note and unintentionally making it hard for him to take by excitedly flailing it around in the air. Said note states that Svend is arriving with more of Reptilicus' bone fragments and, when her father asks Karen to pick him up at the airport and she asks if Svend is handsome, he teases her by saying that he has three eyes and a fake mustache. When she then asks how she'll recognize him, Martens hints at her boy craziness by asking, "Since when must I tell you how to find a man?" Once the scientists are through telling him of how their research on the creature is coming, Karen, who's been sitting by, eagerly waiting, intends to show Svend around Copenhagen and "thaw him," so to speak. The guy actually ends up with two dates, as Lise arrives with Peterson to introduce him to her father and Dr. Dalby and decides to go with Svend and Karen to act as their "chaperone." Despite this bit of flirting and also having a joking relationship with her father, Lise does seem to be the more mature of the two, given how she intends to get Peterson a job and is initially alarmed at Dalby being passed out at his desk after he dozes off in the night. Once Reptilicus awakens and begins rampaging across the countryside, the two girls mainly take a backseat to the action, spending most of the time looking after their father after he has his heart attack, although Lise is significant in helping create the tranquilizer that ultimately defeats the monster, given that she's worked at the University of Copenhagen's laboratory.

The closest thing we get to an actual lead is General Mark Grayson (Carl Ottosen), who acts as a narrator in the American version, setting up the situation that would eventually lead to his having to defend an entire city long before he enters the story. He shows up to as security for the project of studying the regenerating Reptilicus but is clearly not thrilled with the job, telling Prof. Martens point blank that he had no idea what he's doing there and adds to Lise that the shorter his stay in Copenhagen, the happier he'll be. During the press conference that Martens holds about Reptilicus, Grayson meets Captain Brandt of the Royal Danish Guard, who's been assigned as his liaison but, while the general is respectful enough, he's obviously not too thrilled with meeting with him and also doesn't seem impressed with Martens says about Reptilicus. Later, you see him sitting at his desk, reading a newspaper about the situation, including his being placed in command of the protective forces, and he throws the paper onto the desk and growls, "General Mark Grayson, in command of two captains, three office boys, and a damn lizard." After being stuck there for a long time, and enduring a false alarm caused by Peterson, Grayson is desperate to be transferred somewhere else. He takes a suggestion that Brandt gives him and tours Copenhagen with the head American scientist, Connie Miller (in a section where the movie becomes a travel-log film on the city for longer than is necessary). That night, however, is when Reptilicus awakens and begins his rampage, giving Grayson the change of pace and action he's been dying for. That said, although he immediately snaps to it and takes command of the Danish forces, he's clearly not relishing it but realizes that Reptilicus is a menace that needs to be stopped. He tries everything he can to destroy the monster, horrified and disgusted by the death and destruction he causes, but doesn't take into account the fact that bombing him is a bad idea, given his regenerative abilities. Even after he has to call off an attack for that very reason, late in the film when everything else has failed and they're desperate, he still intends to bomb Reptilicus and then find and destroy every single piece of him afterward, although he doesn't appear to be quite as confident that he'd get them all as he initially seemed when Prof. Martens quizzes him about it. Soon, Svend gives him the idea to tranquilize Reptilicus and dispose of him later, shooting a bazooka full of sedative right into his mouth at the end. He ends the movie by telling Connie that he's glad that there aren't any more like Reptilicus... and cue the sequel-bait ending that was never followed up on.

The one character who's played by a different actor in both versions is UNESCO scientist Connie Miller; in the Danish version, she's played by Bodil Miller, but because she couldn't speak English, she was replaced by Maria Behrens for the American version. It's funny because, while the two of them are very lovely women, they look completely different, with Miller having black hair while Behrens is a blonde and their faces are very different as well. It's more interesting to talk about that than the character herself, as she does very little for someone who's supposed to be one of the UN's best experts. She strikes up something of a relationship with Grayson, as she joins him on his tour of Copenhagen and the two of them have dinner that night at Tivoli Gardens, but it has about as much depth as Svend's relationship with Karen. For the most part, Connie just acts as a spectator, with the only significant things I can recall her doing are when she warns that Reptilicus will eventually heal his wounds after the first attack on him, when she reminds Grayson of the possible consequences of bombing him during another attack, when she takes Lise to the hospital to be with her father after he has his heart attack, and helping in coming up with the tranquilizer they use to defeat the monster. The only other lasting image of her that I have is her standing next to Grayson after Reptilicus has been defeated and he remarks to her that he's glad there are no other monsters like him around... again, cue the sequel-bat ending. Another character whom Grayson develops a kind of relationship with is Captain Brandt (Ole Wisborg) of the Royal Danish Guard who acts as his liaison while he's in Copenhagen. He's the one who suggests that Grayson get out and tour the city when he's desperate to get transferred somewhere else and he even joins him and Connie at Tivoli Gardens. Once Reptilicus escapes from the aquarium and begins rampaging across the countryside, Brandt acts as Grayson's trusty second-in-command in the fight against the monster, especially during the climax when he takes command of the forces in the field, and he sacrifices himself to give the general a clear shot at Reptilicus' mouth with the bazooka full of tranquilizer.

Finally, we have to touch on Peterson (Dirch Passer), the goggle-eyed, dim-witted man whom Lise Martens gets a job as a nightwatchman at the aquarium. The minute you see him, with that dopey face, wearing those overalls, and speaking the way he does (especially in his dubbed voice), you know he's going to be the comic relief, which he is. And yet, even though you do get some gags with him, like when he mimes being shocked by an electric eel in an over-the-top, cartoonish manner, and is quite taken aback when he sees the microscopic lifeforms living in his sandwich bread, he's surprisingly proficient in his job, never breaking anything or messing anything up. On first viewing, when Dr. Dalby shows him the temperature gauge of the refrigerated room that Reptilicus' tail bit is being kept in and stresses that it must never get warmer than a set temp, you'd expect Peterson to mess up and be the reason why the monster eventually comes to life. But, as you know by now, it's actually Dalby's fault, which was an interesting twist. After that, other than a false alarm, where he hears Reptilicus moving around in his tank but when he calls the others, they don't find anything, Peterson's only other significant part in the story is that Dalby sends him to fetch the police when the monster does awaken. Because it's Peterson, he has a hard time convincing the police that it's an emergency and, after that, he's never seen again.

Peterson is the focus of one of the most notorious scenes that was completely left out of the American version: after Reptilicus begins to regrow his body, Peterson breaks into a song about the monster for some kids in a park. Yes, that really happens. For about two full minutes, the film goes from being a monster movie to a kid-friendly musical, with very goofy music accompanying Peterson as he sings about what a threatening and terrifying creature Reptilicus is, the kids respond to his verses with a chorus that sings something along the lines of, "Come here now, little puss, who's afraid of Tilicus?", and it culminates in them all running around the park. As surreal as it may seem for such a movie to suddenly go this way, it wasn't unusual for the Danish because most of the movies that Denmark produced around that time were musical comedies, many of them featuring Dirch Passer, who was quite a popular comedic actor and singer (I must say, he did have a nice singing voice). It was just common for a movie featuring him to break into song for a few minutes and even the country's one and only monster movie was not immune to this. That scene is on YouTube and I encourage you to check it out if you haven't, because if you thought Reptilicus was a bad movie already, you'll be absolutely dumbfounded at what you'd have to endure in its original version.

While American moviegoers may have been spared Peterson's little song and dance with the kids, they weren't so lucky with the song, Tivoli Nights, sung by Birthe Wilke during the scene where Grayson, Connie, and Brandt visit Tivoli Gardens. Like with Peterson's song, the movie stops dead for two or three minutes while we watch this lounge singer entertain the patrons at the club with this song about how they're all out romancing, how all of Copenhagen is doing the same, as we then get a small montage shots showing how the city is lit up as she finishes her song and it's just so damn saccharine and, what's more, feels like you're suddenly watching a tourism film about the city (I'll expound upon that in a second). It's not as irritating as the scene in The War of the Gargantuas where you have to endure Kipp Hamilton singing The Words Get Stuck In My Throat, mainly because this song isn't as annoying and Wilke, in my opinion, has a better singing voice, but it's another instance where the movie feels like it switched to a completely different genre. I'm supposed to be watching a monster movie, not a romantic musical!

That's a thing about this movie, regardless of which version you watch: there are moments where the main story just halts and we have to watch something completely meaningless. If it's not time spent on Svend and Karen's forced romance in the Danish version, it's Peterson's shenanigans, like when he's eating a sandwich at a desk with a microscope and, out of curiosity, puts a crumb under it, only to be surprised when he sees microscopic organisms flailing around (the shot of them are only in the American version), prompting him to immediately put away his sandwich and become concerned when he then burps and feels sick to his stomach, all while silly music plays. Then, in the very next scene, Peterson walks up to a tank in a hallway containing an electric eel, which he noticed before, puts his hand in the water, and acts like he's being shocked in a very over-the-top, Three Stooges-like manner. This does lead into a moment where he hears what sounds like Reptilicus stirring around in the room where he's being kept, although the others don't find anything when they respond to it, but still, there was no reason for that bit of shtick except to remind us that Peterson is meant to be comic relief and to pad things out just a tiny bit more. But none of this is as egregious as when Gen. Grayson decides to go on a tour of Copenhagen with Connie. As I've been saying, the movie suddenly turns into a travel log about the city for a little bit, as they drive around in a red convertible and see the sights, such as a statue of the Little Mermaid, the castle and the Royal Guards, a big fountain in the middle of a city square, lots of traffic and people riding on bicycles (Grayson comments, "They say the Danes are born on bicycles,"), and then it's off to Tivoli and into the song number I mentioned up above. While this material is well-shot and does manage to capture Copenhagen's undeniable beauty, it feels like the movie forgot it was supposed to be a monster flick for a little bit, which is what you came to see. Fortunately, once Reptilicus is on the rampage, the movie pretty much stays on him but these diversions make the latter half of the first act very hard to endure (not that it gets any better).

Speaking of the cinematography, this movie actually got a high-def transfer for its Blu-Ray release, which it did not deserve at all, and while it does look pretty good for the time it was made (a lot of the effects shots have grain and scratches but that's not uncommon), enough to where the transfer was listed as a special feature on the back, no transfer could fix the moments where Sidney Pink's lack of directing experience is on full display. There a couple of scenes in a row very early in the film wherein he fails at the simple filmmaking techniques of blocking and camera angles. For instance, when Karen Martens is first introduced when she comes into the laboratory to give her father the message from Svend, instead of stepping right into the middle of the frame, she's mostly cut off by the right side of the frame and even when she shows her father the letter and waves at him, she's still never centered. The images I put here are how it plays out and, as you can see, it looks like Pink set up the camera but didn't push it far enough to the right so that you could really see Mimi Heinrich and he only got what he did because of the gesture she made. And as if that wasn't enough, there's another mistake in the very next scene, when Peterson is introduced to Prof. Martens and Dr. Dalby. After Svend is whisked away by Karen and Lise, Peterson, who's been patiently waiting for them to acknowledge nearby, clears his throat to get their attention and Martens then beckons him over. However, when Martens does so, he's looking in the opposite direction of where Peterson is standing! Peterson is off to the right but, when Martens beckons him over, he and Dalby are still looking off to the left, which is the direction in which Svend left with the girls (again, I put the shots here in the sequence in which they come to clearly get the point across). Usually, I try to refrain from being this nitpicky but, my God, I'm not a filmmaker by any means and even I instantly picked up on how ass-backwards this direction is! But, as if that weren't bad enough, we're about to get into how he's not much better in making monsters look real, gigantic, or making the sequences featuring them exciting.

What really sucks about Reptilicus is that the set-up in the first act shows a lot of promise that the rest of the movie never follows up on. When I first saw the movie as a kid, I was quite taken by the opening, where the miners find the buried body of Reptilicus by unintentionally drilling into him and ending up with blood and a chunk of his leathery skin around the head of the drill. I was even more fascinated by how the scientists bring a section of his tail back to Copenhagen, keep it refrigerated in their laboratory while they study it, and when it's accidentally allowed to thaw, it begins to regrow its entire body. Things that start out relatively small and grow to an enormous size over the course of the movie is a concept that I've always found to be rather creepy (it's one of the reasons why The Blob freaked me out as much as it did when I saw it when I was only eight years old) and when this movie began to unfold like that, with Reptilicus slowly growing from only a severed tail tip in a tank in the back of the lab, I sat up and took notice. No mention of this was ever made in the trailer I'd seen before, so I was interested in seeing where it was going to go, but unfortunately, even though the film attempts to maintain suspense with the scene where Reptilicus finally awakens and escapes into the countryside, as you still don't get a clear look at him until the next scene, once you do see him, any promise the film had goes flying out the window.

There are a number of reasons why Reptilicus fails as a compelling movie monster. One is that his design is that his design is not that interesting. He looks like little more than a big, snake-like dragon, with stubby little feet here and there along his long body, a head that is very serpentine, right down to the forked tongue, and a pair of leathery wings at the base of his neck (more on those later). His look is very similar to Manda, a monster in Toho's kaiju films that first appeared in their 1963 movie, Atragon, and went on to appear in Destroy All Monsters and Godzilla: Final Wars. He's said to be unlike any prehistoric animal that's been discovered before, with bones that are akin to the cartilaginous ones you'd find in a shark, very thick, armor-like scales along his back that make him a formidable foe for the military to battle, and he's able to go into the water and stay under for quite a long time, although he must eventually come to the surface to breathe. And then, of course, there are his impressive regenerative capabilities, which are akin to those of other creatures like starfish, only on a much bigger scale. Prof. Martens even goes far as to describe Reptilicus as the product of a period of experimentation that nature went through millions of years ago, an attempt to bridge the reptile to the mammal. All this technobabble is much more interesting than the monster himself, as his behavior is just as un-compelling as his design, as all he does is flail around (I'm going to use that word a lot later on) and scream when he's not destroying things and eating people (which wouldn't be so said if you actually got to see a lot of it but you don't, for the most part). Speaking of his vocalizations, they're nothing more than a bunch of different sounds sequenced together, like the low, echoing roar of the monster in It! The Terror from Beyond Space, a hissing screech akin to the one the Giant Behemoth emitted, and a high-pitched, pained scream whenever he's injured. At least, that's how he sounds in the American version; I get the impression his vocalizations are different, and less intimidating, in the Danish one.

In the American version, Reptilicus is often seen spitting a bright-green slime that's said to be corrosive and acidic in nature but the problem is you never see these properties firsthand. The effect was added in as an afterthought following production and, as a result, you never see it come into physical contact with anything. It's implied that the slime is killing a lot of people, causing a lot of property damage, and is keeping the military at bay during the climactic attack on Copenhagen, but you don't get that at all and, as a result, it comes across as nothing more than the crappy-looking effect that it is. The reason why it was added to the American version to begin with was to replace an ability of Reptilicus' whose effects were just as bad: flight. Yeah, those wings weren't meant simply for decoration, but the footage of Reptilicus flying around, which you can also see on YouTube, looked ridiculous. Despite the very dark lighting that they used, it's still obviously nothing more than a marionette being pulled around, sometimes in such a poorly done way that it looks more like it's floating in mid-air, with the wings not moving at all, and like Peterson's deleted song with the kids, it makes what was already a pretty bad movie just jaw-droppingly crappy. The army ends up clipping his wings, which is why he doesn't try to fly away during the climax (which the American filmmakers must have breathed a sigh of relief over), but by that point, the damage had certainly been done.

That leads into what is arguably the biggest problem, not just with Reptilicus himself but with the movie in general: the effects suck. There's a certain art-form in making something that's small and artificial look gigantic and alive and this film blows that test spectacularly. When looking at Reptilicus, not once do you see anything more than a plastic model/marionette that's only a few inches high and is either being poked, pulled, or flailed around by off-camera puppeteers. Sometimes, it doesn't even have that to it. During the armed forces' second attack on Reptilicus, they use depth charges to get at him when he's lying on the ocean floor, recuperating, and when you see him down there, there is no movement or life to him whatsoever, even when he does get bombed (when his head and neck flare up at one point, you can tell that it's due to the force of the blast, rather than any reaction on the creature's part). The failure of the monster is not helped at all by the low quality of the miniature sets and buildings. The sequences of Reptilicus rampaging through the countryside and the climax in Copenhagen should be the movie's highlights, giving the audience their money's worth, but again, all you're getting is a cheap-looking puppet show against buildings that you can tell are made of plywood and cardboard. A lot of monster movies, including some of those made by Toho, are marred by crappy-looking miniature sets or, at the very least, those that aren't lit well enough to make them look real, but if the action and destruction is good, I can usually overlook it. I can't do that here, though, as Reptilicus' awkward, sluggish movements, the lack of actual destruction that he causes, and the overuse of slow motion to try to make things look more dynamic kills any fun and excitement that could have been had.

For some reason, really bad optical and matting effects make me cringe more than crappy miniatures and, man, if Reptilicus doesn't have its fair share of those as well. I've already mentioned what an awful, obviously tacked on effect Reptilicus' acidic slime is and, in the image I posted of it, you also saw how bad the rear projection work is (trust me, that beach shot is not the only instance where that happens), but there's one effect, present only in the American version, that makes those look like they could stand up with the greatest of Industrial Light & Magic. During the first attack scene involving the armed forces, Reptilicus smashes a farmhouse and devours the farmer in question by scooping him up in his mouth and swallowing him. The shot of the farmer matted into his maw is just... well, look! That image is not doctored in any way; that's how it looks in the actual film. It's like Reptilicus reached off-camera into a cartoon world and gobbled up a slow-moving, animated character. I've seen plenty of bad effects in movies, both before and after the introduction of CGI, but this is up there with some of the worst ever (you really have to see it in motion to get just how bad an effect it is). And, while a good amount of it actually seems original (which is surprising), there's a fair amount of stock footage of the armed forces during the battle scenes, as well as actual ship disasters and destroyed buildings meant to represent destruction caused by Reptilicus. To be fair, there are a few effects that are decent, like the full body elements meant to represent the tip of Reptilicus' tail and his body as he's growing in the tank in the aquarium, especially when he begins to awaken, as well as an impressively big, model foot that crashes through a house's ceiling in the Danish version and does the same to Captain Brandt at the end. In addition, there are some decent blood and gore effects, like the piece of his flesh found on the drill, the eviscerated cow head he leaves behind after attacking a farm, and the arm that's blown off of him, but for the most part, the special effects in this movie are complete tripe.

The film begins in Lapland, where Svend and the men under his supervision are drilling, when he tells them to shut off the machine after they pull the drill out of the ground. He then notices a red substance on his hand from where he touched the mud on the drill and, when he examines it more closely, he realizes that it's blood (the film's red, dripping title then comes out of a shot of his blood-covered hand). Telling the others of what he's found, they hoist the drill over to a cart, as Svend peels the mud off of it with the help of a small hammer, removing a chunk of leathery skin and placing it into the cart. He then removes another section and finds that this one has bones. Intent upon learning more about what they've found, Svend tells one of his men to get the generator working so he can use the radio and orders the others to suspend all drilling until further notice. Svend's American worker, Henry, advises him to let it be but Svend remains insistent, saying that he intends to contact a paleontologist from the University of Copenhagen. The two of them snap a picture of the chunks of flesh and the blood and then head over to use the radio, with the camera then zooming in to show the flesh subtly rising up and down in one spot, as if it's breathing (nothing ever comes of this, by the way). That night, they're joined by Prof. Martens and Dr. Dalby, as well as a news reporter, and the two of them explain to the men about the remains of an enormous creature buried beneath the tundra and they got their blood and flesh when they drilled through its frozen body. Dalby also explains to them the special nature of the discovery, which is that it's the first instance where the body of a reptile has been found preserved, and Martens expresses their intention to excavate the remains and ship them to the Denmark's Aquarium in Copenhagen to continue their research.

Once everything has been delivered to the aquarium, Martens finds that Dalby is absolutely obsessed with reassembling the creature through the bone fragments that they have, even though his colleague insists that it's a futile endeavor. That's when Karen Martens is introduced, giving her father a note about Svend's impending arrival with more bone fragments and he then sends her to fetch him. He feels that maybe these bones will be enough to solve the problem. In a cut, Martens examines the bones and declares that they're unlike any that he's seen before, explaining to Svend how they're both resilient and very strong, like the bones of a shark. He and Dalby then show Svend the tip of the tail that they're keeping in cold storage, Martens telling him that they can deduce that the entire animal had to have been enormous, around 90 feet long or so. Because of how unique this find is, Martens tells Dalby that they might as well forget about the bones and concentrate on this preserved section. That's when Karen is eager to show Svend around Copenhagen, accompanied by her sister Lise when she arrives to introduce Peterson to the doctors. Once they've met, Dalby goes ahead and explains to him the importance that the refrigerated room holding the tail tip must be kept at 20 degrees at all times. They then send him to get settled in and, on his way out, he first notices the tank containing the electric eel, commenting that everything there runs on electricity.

That night at the aquarium (the establishing shot of which is an obvious miniature), Peterson is making his rounds, checking on the refrigerated room, when Dalby, who's working late, tells him that he'll look after everything in the lab while he's there. Peterson leaves and a shot of the clock on the wall shows the time pass from 11:25 to almost 3:00 AM. By this point, a storm is brewing outside as Dalby, despite his clear exhaustion, continues working. He takes a scalpel, walks into the refrigerated room, cuts a piece of flesh off of the end of the tail, and walks back out into the lab, closing the door behind him like he should and turning off the light. He examines the piece of flesh under a microscope and he begins to write about what he saw when, as the thunder continues rumbling, his tiredness gets the better of him and he falls asleep at the desk. That's when the latch of the door to the cold room, which he apparently didn't close securely enough, slips and creaks open, exposing it and the tail tip to the warm air outside. The temperature begins to rise rapidly, as Dalby continues to sleep through the night, completely unaware, and by 8:00 that morning, the tail piece has been completely thawed out. Prof. Martens and Lise come in and notice Dalby at his desk. Initially thinking something has happened to him, they rush to him but when they rouse him, they're relieved to find that he was merely sleeping. That's when Lise sees that the cold room's door is open and all three of them run in to find that the tail tip has been thawed. Initially, Martens is furious, feeling that everything has been ruined, and admonishes Dalby for it when he admits that it's his fault, saying that the tissues will never recover from decomposition completely, even if they refreeze it. Lise then points out the hole in the back of the tip to her father, who sees it that it's healing up, and when he and Dalby inspect the surface of the other end, they realize it's doing the same. Martens proclaims, "You let it thaw, and now... it is alive."

At a press conference, Martens tells a batch of reporters, as well as Connie Miller of UNESCO, General Mark Grayson, and Captain Bryant of the Royal Danish Guard, of the creature that is now growing at a very fast rate in a tank filled with nutritious fluid in the next room. After explaining to them the process of regeneration, and officially naming the creature "Reptilicus" per a reporter's suggestion, Martens leads everyone down a hall and up a flight of stairs leading to a window that looks into the room where it's being kept in the tank. The camera pushes in towards the tank, allowing only a brief look at the end of the tail and the tubes pumping the fluid around it, with newspaper headlines in various languages reporting what's going on to the world at large. Later, while he's fooling around, pretending to be shocked by the electric eel, Peterson is snapped to attention when he hears rumbling and a low growling coming from the room where Reptilicus is housed. Panicking, he hits the fire alarm, bringing Martens, Dalby, Svend, Karen, Grayson, and Brandt running to his aid. He points at the room and Martens then heads up the stairs to the window, only to see Reptilicus lying in his tank like normal, with no movement whatsoever. Coming back down, Martens tells Peterson that there's no danger, and when the watchman insists he heard Reptilicus moving, the professor tells him that the creature has no conscious life and that what he heard was an "involuntary embryonic movement." Peterson, clearly not convinced but deciding to just go with it, agrees with Martens and walks away. Later that night, Martens is going over recorded notes about Reptilicus, as the camera pans over his body, and he then agrees to a request from Dalby to increase the rate of fluid in the tank; however, he adds that if Reptilicus gets any bigger, they'll have to a build a new tank.

After this comes Grayson's overlong tour of Copenhagen and his night at Tivoli with Connie Miller and Captain Brandt, but once that's over, we go back to the aquarium, as a storm is once again raging outside, this time pouring rain and stirring up the nearby ocean, while Dalby is working late once more. Paying no mind to the thunder, he continues working, when he hears the sound of liquid rumbling and sloshing nearby. At first, he pays no attention to it, but after a flash of lightning makes his table-lamp blink and threaten to go out, it's then shown that Reptilicus is stirring in his tank. The lights then go out altogether, a cutaway showing that a power line has fallen, and Dalby uses a flashlight to illuminate the now dark laboratory; Peterson, meanwhile, has fallen asleep at his desk. In the tank room, Reptilicus really begins to stir, and Dalby hears the sound of the liquid sloshing again. He walks out into the hall and sees a huge shadow through the window at the top of the stairs. Horrified, he runs back into the lab and tries to make a call, unaware that the phone-lines are down as well. Unable to get through, he wakes up Peterson and tells him to go fetch the police. Seeing Reptilicus' shadow as well, Peterson runs outside and rides off on his bicycle, while Dalby takes a gun from his desk and walks down the hall towards the tank room. Peterson, meanwhile, arrives at the police station, interrupting a game of chess between the lieutenant and one of his men and tries to warn them of what's going on. After a cutaway shows Reptilicus rising up behind the aquarium, howling as he does, Peterson struggles to get the policemen to listen to him as he rambles about what happened and that the monster is up and moving around. It's only when he tells them that Dalby sent him to fetch them that they finally take him seriously and the lieutenant grabs the phone.

At this point, the others have arrived at the site to find that the tank room has been half-destroyed, Reptilicus gone, and all that's left of Dalby are his glasses amidst the broken glass on the floor. After Martens speculates as to what could have awakened the monster, Brandt and another officer come in and report to Grayson that they've found Reptilicus' tracks, which lead down to the water. He also suggests to the general that they set up a base of operations at the barracks of the Royal Guard. Not too long after it's been established and Grayson explains who will be his liaisons for the military, navy, and local law enforcement, the general gets a phone call that tells him that Reptilicus has been spotted at a small farm on the Danish coast. A siren pierces the air as soldiers pile into their vehicles and move out across the countryside, with the camera panning across a cow pasture before settling on the gruesome sight of a decapitated cow's head with no skin on it. Grayson and the men drive up to the farmer standing by the head, who explains that it's only one of fourteen that Reptilicus killed before destroying his barn and disappearing past another pasture. As the area's been sectored, Grayson is confident they can use it to trap Reptilicus if he's in there, and after telling the farmer he'd better evacuate everyone, they roll out to find the monster. The units then split up, Brandt telling Grayson that his is entering the E-sector, with the general saying that they'll rendezvous there at Area 4. Brandt's unit heads in, dividing up into two teams, while Grayson and Svend, the latter of whom is driving their jeep, finds a patch of destroyed forest where Reptilicus went through. At that point, Brandt and his team arrive at a small village and see Reptilicus' tail disappear behind a farmhouse. Brandt quickly contacts Grayson and tells him they've found the monster. The general has Svend drive out in that direction, while Brandt and his men disembark and join a fleet of armed men and tanks that come in to attack Reptilicus.

Grayson and Svend arrive as well, as we get our first real look at Reptilicus in all his "glory," as he rises up from behind some trees and roars and hisses. Grayson immediately motions for the men in their vehicles to disembark and, as they lay down on the ground and point their rifles, he contacts all the units, telling them to hit Reptilicus from all sides. They all open fire on him with their rifles, tanks, and cannons, but although he flails around as he's hit, none of this seems to really hurt Reptilicus, as he spits a glob of his acidic slime (which does nothing at all). Grayson, seeing that it's not working, tells Svend to be ready to leave in a hurry, as the onslaught continues. Finally, Reptilicus begins moving away, slowly slithering across the ground, and Grayson orders everyone to cease fire. He watches as the monster heads towards the beach, commenting on how his scales are like armor and that they need a whole lot more firepower. Grayson then asks Svend if they can reach the beach before Reptilicus and Svend decides to see if they can try, putting the jeep into gear and driving off, as Grayson contacts Brandt. The military then follows after Reptilicus, as Grayson and Svend manage to beat him to the beach, waiting for him to appear. Sure enough, he rises up behind a farmhouse nearby and causes the inside of it to rumble, the family inside running for cover. The roof caves in and the father runs outside, where he's promptly gobbled up in that awful effects shot (in the Danish version, this scene, with the large foot that's not seen here, takes place earlier, before you actually see Reptilicus). Grayson anxiously waits for the units to arrive and runs to join a tank that arrives on the scene, as Reptilicus spews more of his slime before moving off and Svend is joined by the others, including the girls and the scientists. Equipping himself with a flamethrower, Grayson rides atop the tank as the driver chases after Reptilicus (the wide shot of which is a bad miniature set with the Reptilicus puppet and a fake miniature tank) and when, he gets close enough, he blasts the monster. He manages to set his head and a good chunk of his body on fire, causing him to squeal in pain and flail up in the air. He immediately heads for the sea, the tank chasing after him and Grayson continuing to blast him before he dives beneath the water. Grayson disembarks the tank and reunites with the others. Brandt hopes aloud that Reptilicus was injured enough and will now die, but Connie reminds them of his regenerative properties and that, in just a little while, he'll be completely healed.

Following a scene where Grayson, Brandt, Prof. Martens, and the heads of the Navy discuss what Reptilicus is and that he must be found soon, with Martens warning that he may eventually return to Copenhagen, the Navy spends close to a week searching for him on the ocean floor. Eventually, one battleship detects an unidentified object beneath them and when they use a special underwater television system provided by the aquarium, they see that it is Reptilicus. The commander relays the information to Grayson back in Copenhagen and he tells them to execute Plan A. The men aboard the ship rush onto the main deck and they begin their attack run, firing depth charges to try to hit Reptilicus as he slumbers on the bottom (like I said before, the shot of him laying down there is obviously a lifeless marionette in a small tank). Hearing the explosions from the laboratory at the aquarium, Martens rushes outside as the bombing continues, the charges blasting up huge swells of water all around. Seeing what's happening, and realizing the implications, Martens rushes down to the docks, while at the command center, Connie tries to warn Grayson that what he's doing is a bad idea but the stubborn general refuses to listen. Reaching the shore, Martens is about to ask those manning a small boat to take him out to the battle-site, as one of the depth charges manages to blast Reptilicus' head underwater, but he suddenly grabs his chest and collapses down. As another charge hits Reptilicus, Connie is finally able to make Grayson understand that they'll never be able to find all the blown off pieces of the monster underwater and he immediately orders the ships to break off the attack. However, he's too late to stop several more charges from being fired, one of which hits Reptilicus dead-on and blows off one of his feet, which floats down to the ocean floor. The ships then get the message and begin heading back to port. Everybody then laments that they won't be able to get at Reptilicus as long as he stays underwater and they'll have to wait until he regenerates and comes ashore again. They then get the call that Martens has had a heart attack and Connie takes Lise to the hospital to be with him.

Two weeks later, everyone is waiting for Reptilicus to appear, with observation posts around the Baltic Sea watching and waiting. Grayson is talking with Connie in his office, when Brandt bursts through the door and tells him that Reptilicus has attacked. Using a large map, he shows the general where a Swedish trawler reported him, adding that he capsized a freighter, as we get treated to a short montage of stock footage of capsized and sinking ships meant to represent his attacks (this takes the place of the flying scene in the Danish version). Following another scene with the characters, as they realize that Reptilicus does appear to be heading back to Copenhagen, and Grayson tells of more destruction he's caused, including a fishing village, two Swedish harbors, and more freighters in the Baltic Sea, the film cuts to a beach that's filled with people, including a lot of couples. A guy and girl are standing at the edge of the shore, the guy drying off and the girl touching up her lipstick, when Reptilicus emerges from the water behind them. The girl seems to see his reflection in her small mirror but he spits his slime onto them before either of them can react. Everyone else sees him, though, and runs for it, as he howls and spits more slime at them. With Grayson and the others keeping track of his movements, the armed forces move into the outskirts of Copenhagen, as the citizens are made aware of the situation and are told to maintain a complete blackout (like always, they're also told to remain calm, despite what's happening). Grayson is told of Reptilicus' last reported position, while his current one is unknown, and he announces the situation is "condition red." Those on the battlefield are shown waiting anxiously, when Reptilicus is spotted peering over the horizon. All weapons are pointed at him, as Grayson is told that he's approaching the city and he orders all units to fire at will, which they do as he comes slithering down a city street, spitting his slime, as civilians caught up in the attack run for it. Reptilicus flails up and down and smacks against the side of a building, as he fired upon from all sides, while Grayson angrily laments that, now that he's reached the outskirts of the city, they're limited as to what they can throw at him.

People are shown running down a street again, as Reptilicus, positioned between two rows of houses, covers them with his slime. The military continue pouring everything they have into him, which continues to do no good, and Grayson advises the field commanders to use flamethrowers but is then told that Reptilicus' acid slime is preventing them from getting close enough. He's also told that the monster is heading for a canal and, after he's shown to be doing exactly that, Grayson, Svend, and Brandt head out to try intercept him. People continue running through the streets and Reptilicus is still spraying his slime, when the operator of the bridge crossing the canal sees him across the way. As people run across the bridge to escape the war-zone behind them, the operator, seeing the carnage, which includes some of the crowd getting covered in the slime, suddenly hits the controls for the bridge, causing it to separate, with one half raising up, in spite of the fact that the people are still crossing. Soon, the people find themselves unable to go any further as a result, with some of them falling off into the water below, and the operator does nothing but turn away and hide his face instead of, you know, lowering the bridge back down! Reptilicus is shown approaching those who are trapped, just as Grayson and Svend arrive at the operator's booth, with the latter doing his job and lowering the bridge back down (while there are sounds of screaming and yelling, the people are shown standing perfectly still as they wait for the bridge to reconnect). Once it's down, they're able to cross it to safety, with the military continuing their assault on Reptilicus, when he ducks into the water in the canal. Grayson tells Svend to tell Brandt to take command of the troops himself, while the two of them go back to headquarters. Once they arrive back there, Grayson comes up with a plan to drive Reptilicus away from the city and into the open country, where they can destroy him with their heavy artillery. The general then receives a notice that he's reached the stock exchange, which is shown to be up in flames with Reptilicus peering over the skyline, covering some troops with his slime, while more arrive. Grayson then decides that, in spite of the damage it will, Brandt and his troops will have to concentrate their firepower in a way that will force Reptilicus on a route out of the city.

On the battlefield, Brandt is told to unload some heavier artillery onto Reptilicus, who flails against some buildings, toppling over the spire of a large tower. The cannons begin firing on him, and those at headquarters listen to the sounds of the battle over the PA, as a man yells in a panic as Reptilicus keeps on approaching. A cannon causes him to drop a long pole he has in his mouth and he then smashes through the center of a row of houses, spitting his slime. More and more cannons fire on him until he does what they wanted him to do and turns around, heading out of the city. They're told that it's worked and Grayson then tells the radio operator to have Brandt report to headquarters. However, the mood is a solemn one, and that's because of the severe damage caused in this latest part of the battle, which is shown. On a map, Grayson shows Brandt the line of armed forces that he wants to use to keep Reptilicus from moving back into the heart of the city, giving strict orders for no one to fire unless he starts to turn. He's confident that he can be turned away from the suburbs, where he is currently heading, but only if everyone opens fire at the same time. The troops then move in to form the line, but when Reptilicus peeks over the roof of a house, a couple of soldiers in the top level of a house across from him open fire at him, just as the field commander is getting his orders from Brandt. The commander orders them to hold their fire but it's too late. Reptilicus charges straight for those attacking him, hitting them with his slime through the window when he gets close enough. At headquarters, Grayson informs everyone that this attack has caused him to break through the line and head back into the city. The general is also told that an evacuation is underway but it's not going well, as many of the streets are impassible due to riots and fires. Desperate, Grayson considers using a bomb, when Prof. Martens shows up and the two of them get into a heated discussion about using one, the professor again reminding him of Reptilicus' regenerative abilities but, when he can't come up with another method, Grayson decides to try it anyway and find and destroy all the pieces before they can regenerate. The two of them hear the continued sounds of gunfire and people screaming over the PA system and the strain of it all causes Martens to nearly collapse; he has to be escorted out of the room by his daughters.

Reptilicus is now back in the city but the military's attacks are causing more damage than him, as cannon-fire blows up a house in front of him, while Brandt reports that he's getting harder to keep under control. At headquarters, Grayson is told that Martens has been given a sedative and Svend jokes that it's a shame that they can't do the same to Reptilicus. In spite of the jest, Grayson believes he may have hit on something and asks if there is a drug that could do the job. Connie Miller says that there is but they'd need a gallon or more and it would have to be injected directly into the bloodstream. Learning that they can possibly get enough of the chemical to make it work at the laboratory of the University of Copenhagen, Grayson believes that if they can tranquilize Reptilicus, Martens can then figure out a way to destroy him safely. Grayson then gives a list of materials to bring to the university and tells the radio operator to tell Brandt where he's headed when he contacts him, while Connie and Lise tell Svend that they're going to the university with them. Meanwhile, there's continued panic in the streets, with people running everywhere, posing an obstacles for the group to get around as they head for the university. While Reptilicus attacks Tivoli, they reach the school and meet up with a couple of soldiers who've delivered what he requested: a couple of bazookas and a shell; Connie and Lise start mixing up the hypo. Outside, Reptilicus destroys a pagoda-like building at Tivoli, while at the lab, they manage to make up the hypo, with Grayson then pouring it into the bazooka shell, which has been gutted of most of the explosives. Reptilicus is then shown leering up alongside a building and smashing through the electrified railing on its roof, as Brandt arrives at the university and Grayson tells him of his plan. Because of Reptilicus' thick scales, Grayson knows that he'll have to fire the bazooka into his mouth, meaning he'll have to get very close. Seeing that Reptilicus is approaching the town hall square, he believes that they can get close enough to try if they intercept him, and with only one rocket, they can't afford to miss. They then pile into their vehicles to put the plan into action.

They drive to the square, as Reptilicus snakes around a clocktower and spits some of his slime, and disembark, taking cover behind a car that's been turned on its side. As Reptilicus approaches, Grayson tells them to get the shell and orders Brandt to fall back, telling them he'll have to take command if they fail. Grayson gets the bazooka, as Reptilicus rears straight up, when the siren of a passing ambulance causes him to turn and look, putting his mouth out of range. Grayson angrily says that they'll now have to outflank him, when Brandt jumps into a jeep and drives right at Reptilicus, ignoring Grayson's yells for him to stop. Reptilicus looks down as Brandt drives towards him and comes down on the jeep with his huge foot, crushing them both. Grayson and Svend both grimace at this, when they see that he managed to get Reptilicus to turn back towards them. Looking through the scope, he sees that the monster is in position and tells them to load the shell, which they do. Once he's armed, Grayson immediately fires and scores a direct hit in Reptilicus' mouth. They watch as the hypo quickly takes effect, Reptilicus' movements becoming more and more sluggish until he finally collapses on the street, out cold. With the monster defeated, they walk away and are joined by the others, including Prof. Martens, as the nearly destroyed Copenhagen begins to come back alive, with the fountain once again spraying water, while Grayson tells Connie, "It's a good thing that there's no more like him." Of course, that's when the film cuts to that blown off foot at the bottom of the ocean, which is regenerating its body, with its toe gripping into the seabed. (Keep in mind that, the strong possibility of another Reptilicus aside, they haven't really won at all. The monster isn't dead, he's just been incapacitated for the time being, and there's no guarantee that Martens will find a way to kill him without severing any other parts of his body. We've had a number of monster movies where the people win and a few where the monsters win but, if nothing else, this one is unique in that it ends on a definite question mark.)

If you were to press me to name at least one aspect of Reptilicus that's good on all fronts, I'd have to bring up the music score by Sven Gyldmark. While the actual songs in either version of the film leave a lot to be desired for and are completely out of place, the music itself is pretty well-done. Reptilicus himself has a leitmotif that, while typically bombastic and brassy, has a feel to it that is kind of uniquely memorable and you hear it in many forms throughout the film, be it subtle and quiet when they're looking at his tail tip in the refrigeration room or full on monstrous during the attack scenes. In fact, all of the music dealing with the monster scenes are very effective and memorable, and the same goes for the music that plays up the exotic nature of Copenhagen during the more travel-loggy sequences. Even the opening piece, in spite of its dark, threatening beginning, has a main section that sounds like smooth jazz, but the thing is that this piece is played several more times and is put up against images where that middle part is inappropriate, such as shots of the aftermath of Reptilicus' attack on Copenhagen. There's also a goofy-sounding, comical bit that plays during the scene where Peterson's curiosity about the bread he's eating gets the better of him when he looks at it through a microscope. Not something you'd expect to hear in a monster movie but it serves its purpose. And the movie ends on an exotic, Danish-flavored, sort of dance piece that does sound more appropriate for a tourism travel film on Denmark but, again, it is good music, is pretty memorable, and does transition into the monstrous music to really close everything out (Shout! Factory had it play over the main menu of their Blu-Ray release of the film).

I've seen a lot of movies, both in this genre and in others, that are worse than Reptilicus but that doesn't change the fact that this movie does suck, regardless of which version you watch. Aside from a promising first act, some occasional decent effects work, and a pretty good music score, it's a certified disaster. In that History of Sci-Fi and Horror video I've mentioned many times before, Butch Patrick nicely summed up its biggest failing by saying that the lackluster effects kill what could have been an interesting story. Indeed, I think the concept had promise but it never lives up to it, as the title monster is not interesting, scary, or executed in a manner that's in any way believable, with miniature and optical effects that are stunning in how bad they are, no matter the version. As if that wasn't enough, the characters are forgettable, with poor acting that's not helped by the dubbing in the American version; there are moments where the movie stops dead in its tracks, be it for a complete tour of Copenhagen, a song-and-dance number in either version, development of a relationship that goes nowhere in the Danish version, or Peterson's shenanigans; other moments where the direction is very poor; and, worst of all, the movie is never that thrilling or exciting, with the monster scenes having no energy or impactful action to them due to the shoddy effects and direction. Like I said, some may see this as an enjoyably bad movie, but I'm not one of them, and I feel that somebody should definitely think of reviving Sidney Pink's desire to remake it because it could use a do-over.