Hammer Time: The Old Dark House (1963)

I first learned of this when I was looking around on Amazon one night years ago and came across the William Castle Film Collection DVD set from Sony. Though I already knew of some of the movies in that set, namely The Tingler and 13 Ghosts, most of them, like 13 Frightened Girls, Mr. Sardonicus, and Zotz!, I'd never heard of. Among those unfamiliar titles, The Old Dark House especially struck me because I had no clue there was a remake of the James Whale film, never mind that William Castle directed it. However, I didn't buy that DVD set at the time and I wouldn't get my hands on a copy until I happened across it at the first G-Fest convention I attended in Chicago in 2018. Before then, I'd learned three things about this particular film, without seeing a single image from it: it was a horror-comedy, it was a co-production with Hammer (that alone intrigued me), and the general consensus was that it wasn't very good. And when I finally did see it, I found I had to agree. Though in their book, The Hammer Story: The Authorized History of Hammer Films, Marcus Hearn and Alan Barnes describe it as "strangely endearing," as well as, "One of the oddest pictures [Hammer] ever made," I can't agree with that initial sentiment. Make no mistake, it is an odd film, featuring a family that can be best described as a less apparently supernatural and macabre version of the Addams Family, but it doesn't have much going for it. The actors do what they can but none of them really leap off the screen, William Castle's direction is quite uninspired, there's no atmosphere or mood, and the attempts at humor, which are of a very kooky and eccentric style, very rarely, if ever, land.

Tom Penderel is an American car salesman living in London who has just sold a car to his eccentric roommate, Caspar Femm. He arrives at the Mayfair Casino to deliver it to Caspar, who tells him the reason why he's never at home at night when Tom is there is because he always goes back to his family home, Femm Hall, in Dartmoor. Seeming very anxious and fearing that something is going to happen to him when he goes back this time, Caspar asks Tom to bring the car to Femm Hall and spend the weekend with him. Though perplexed, Tom does so and arrives at Femm Hall in the midst of a heavy downpour that results in the car getting muddy, while the hood and engine are smashed in by a falling stone statue at the gate. Walking to the house, and falling through a trapdoor at the front door, Tom meets Potiphar Femm, who shows him Caspar's dead body lying in a coffin in the study. Though Potiphar says he fell from the landing at the top of the stairs, Caspar's cousin, Cecily, tells Tom he was murdered. She also warns him to leave immediately, but when he meets Roderick, the head of the family, he's kept there for dinner. He then learns that Morgan Femm, a pirate who built the house centuries before, stated in his will that all members of the family must live there and be back home by midnight every night; if not, they lose their share of the family fortune. Moreover, the fortune can't be divided up among them unless something happens to the house itself, so every year, on the anniversary of Morgan's execution, they divide up the family's capital... and that very night happens to be it. Also, the suspicious Roderick believes Tom may be a descendant of a daughter Morgan had who ran away with an American pirate, and is determined he not leave. Beginning at midnight, the members of the family are murdered one by one, with each death accompanied by a recording of Caspar's voice spouting a verse of a nursery rhyme he and Cecily used to recite as children. As the night goes on, it's clear the murderer has it out for Tom, too, and he must uncover the truth if he wants any chance of leaving Femm Hall alive.

While I haven't seen every single movie he ever made, I've seen all of William Castle's most well-known flicks and The Old Dark House is, without a doubt, the one made during his prime that feels the least like him. For one, there's no gimmick. Not that every single movie Castle made during his most successful period had one, and this was when he was slowly but surely winding down that trademark of his, but it is what he was known for, so seeing a movie by him that has nothing one could experience through itself or in the theater at the time is really unusual (unless you want to count the fact that it was shown in black-and-white in American theaters, despite being a color movie). For another, his involvement is downplayed by both the movie itself and its marketing. You don't have him introducing the movie and telling you about it in the trailer, as he often did, and the trailer mentions its having been directed by him in passing, as if he were no one of note. I don't even know if Castle himself was intent on making it or if he was simply a director for hire, but it's mainly advertised as a Hammer film. (I don't remember it being mentioned at all in the documentary, Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story, which definitely says something in and of itself.) And finally, the direction is so ho-hum and typical that it makes me feel like Castle's heart wasn't in it, which would explain why it fails so badly at being funny.

The first time I watched the movie, I was somewhat distracted because I knew I'd seen the film's lead, Tom Poston, somewhere but I had the hardest time placing him. Finally, I realized he was in several episodes of Home Improvement, where he played a trio of brothers whom the Taylors run into now and then, with the first two being total dicks and the third much more sympathetic. Once I got past that, I then had to settle for him being the protagonist here, Tom Penderel, and as such, he's... average, at best. He's playing the role of a typical awkward outsider who finds himself thrust into a bizarre situation and is unable to do much about it. What's initially a leisurely drive to bring his quirky roommate's new car to his childhood home turns into a night that's simultaneously frustrating, annoying, and terrifying. The car gets muddied, the hood is smashed in, and the engine smashed to pieces; he falls through a trapdoor on the house's doorstep; discovers that Caspar is dead and was very likely murdered; and is forced to remain at the house during the night by Roderick Femm, when someone starts picking the family members off one by one. Moreover, he himself becomes a suspect to Roderick, who believes him to be a distant relative intent on getting the family fortune, never mind the fact that Tom himself is targeted for murder, both by the one picking everyone off and the brutish Morgan Femm, who hates that his daughter, Morgana, has taken an interest in him. Over the course of the night, Tom falls through the trapdoor, again, and gets buried and whacked in the head by coal, is nearly eaten alive by a hyena that sneaks into his room, almost drowns in quicksand, and is literally held hostage by Roderick, only for him to be killed as well. However, at the end of the movie, Tom finally gets to be something of a hero when he unmasks the killer and has to diffuse a number of bombs hidden throughout the house. All throughout, Poston's performance is, again, serviceable, but he's far from charismatic or funny, and comes off as little more than a milquetoast wimp. You understand why he's freaked out, but he's just not that fun to watch. Somebody like Don Knotts would have made for a more entertaining lead.

Out of the entire Femm family, lovely young Cecily (Janette Scott) is the one who doesn't come off as either eccentric or crazy. From the moment she's introduced, she's nothing but the kindest person towards Tom, trying to get him to leave before it's too late, but once Roderick shows up, that notion goes out the window. After that, Cecily can do little more than sympathize with Tom's plight, ask him for help when the family starts to be murdered, and tends to him when he gets hurt while trying to go get the police. She also tells him of her family's quirks, like how all of the clocks in the house are named after the different churches in London, and that she and Caspar used to say a nursery rhyme to remember the various bells of the church steeples. She talks about the house itself as if it were evil and a corrupting influence on the family. And, of course, she becomes something of a love interest for him, at least when Morgana isn't trying to seduce him. Because she's so normal and the rest of the family so eccentric, it's meant to be a surprise when, at the end of the movie, she's revealed to be the murderer, but it doesn't, as everyone who's left alive at that point is too obvious a suspect. Plus, the clue, the tape recording of Caspar's voice that recites different lines from the nursery rhyme after every murder, makes it all the more obvious, since it was something specific to only Cecily and Caspar. Once she's unmasked, she reveals that she plans to blow up the house with bombs in order to inherit the fortune and not have to live there anymore. She does ask Tom to come with her and share in the wealth but he refuses, both because she's insane and also because he knows she was the one who tried to kill him several times as well. With that, she locks up Morgana, pins his coat to the wall with a meat-cleaver, and runs out into the storm, where she waits for the house to explode. Unfortunately for her, not only does Tom diffuse the bombs but he throws out the last one and it lands right at her feet, after which it explodes.

As head of the family, Roderick Femm (Robert Morley) is barely able to give off a welcoming air to Tom, instead coming off as strange, suspicious, and menacing, starting at the dinner table when he not so subtly makes everyone say they don't want to leave Femm Hall. But, when Tom bluntly asks if they like living in the dilapidated house, Roderick and the others clarify that they must stay there rather than want to, otherwise they lose all rights to the family fortune, as per the conditions in the will of their distant ancestor, Morgan Femm. Speaking of which, Roderick is the only one who sees a resemblance between a portrait of Morgan and Tom (the portrait looks more like Roderick than anyone else), believing him to be a descendant of Morgan's daughter, who went off with an American pirate. He also believes it's not a coincidence that Tom is there on the anniversary of Morgan's death by hanging, which is when the capital is always divided up among the family members, and keeps Tom from leaving, as well as demands he be present at a nightly meeting to ensure everyone is there and still has rights to their share. When Agatha Femm is found murdered like Caspar, Roderick suggests Tom is a suspect like the others, even though he hadn't arrived yet when Caspar was killed. Of course, Roderick himself is especially suspicious, due to both his past actions and how Caspar's twin brother, Jasper, seemed convinced he was the killer before he was found dead. Plus, he loves and collects guns as a hobby, and is not shy about using them. Late in the film, he basically holds Tom and his family hostage, keeping them from leaving the house at gunpoint and, after Jasper's body is found, orders them to go to their rooms and bolt their doors. He makes Tom come with him into his gun room to show off his collection, where he meets his end as the result of a booby trap.

While Roderick's hobby is guns, Agatha's (Joyce Grenfell) is knitting, which she often does whenever she's onscreen. She doesn't knit anything in particular, mind you. As she herself tells Tom, "I just start at the beginning and knit to the end. It's sure to turn into something." It's tied into her mood, with sections of whatever it is she's knitting reflecting good and bad days, and she says it's helps her get through trying times, ranging from when she lost her earrings to the death of her mother and the war years. According to her, she knitted about 150 miles' worth of wool the previous year and is now looking to reach 200. She also believes her knitting is very significant, saying, "I capture time and space in my stitches. You know, sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stopped... Not to me. To the world. To all of us." Despite having lost one of her sons, Caspar, earlier that day, Agatha is hardly broken up about it. In fact, when Jasper comes to talk with her at one point, she forgets that Caspar is no longer alive, and also seems to have forgotten that they were twin brothers. And when Jasper tells her he's afraid Roderick means to kill him, Agatha, in addition to saying that couldn't possibly be the case, merely suggests he not hide on an empty stomach. Not long after that, Agatha is found murdered, fittingly with her knitting needles sticking straight through her neck in a manner that creates an X. She died with a big grin on her face, so it couldn't have been too painful.

So, what's Potiphar's (Mervyn Johns) hobby, you ask? Preparing for the end of the world, which occupies his thoughts every waking hour. Initially, you're unsure of exactly what it is he does, as he just continually says, "It's almost time," in an excited manner. Things start to be unveiled when Penelope, a hyena of his, gets into Tom's room and almost kills him. After getting Penelope out of the room, Potiphar tells him she's one of a pair and that there are "many more." Initially, Tom thinks he collects hyenas, but he clarifies, "I have hyenas because the world is coming to an end." He claims to have calculated the end of times to the very moment and that the ongoing rainstorm is the beginning of it. Finally, his plan is revealed in all its glory: he's built an ark and filled it with animals, expecting that another catastrophic flood like the one Noah endured is coming. He not only shows Tom the ark's interior but says he plans to make him and Morgana one of the pairs in order to repopulate the Earth afterward. Nothing, not even Roderick's forcing everyone into their rooms at gunpoint, is enough to dissuade him from continuing his preparations for the apocalypse, and by climbing aboard the ark and taking his clock with him, Potiphar nearly blows up himself and the ship due to the bomb Cecily placed within it. Fortunately for him, Tom throws it out at the last minute, but he thinks the ensuing explosion is a sign that the end has truly begun. By the next morning, he's disappointed that it didn't happen but is also undeterred, insistent that the end is coming.

Though he has only one scene at the very beginning before he's unceremoniously killed offscreen, Caspar (Peter Bull) is the catalyst for the story, asking Tom to bring his newly bought American car to Femm Hall and spend the weekend with there. Coming off as very odd already given how, even though they're roommates, he and Tom rarely see each other since Caspar is never there at night, he explains to Tom that he returns to Femm Hall every night. He's also

concerned about something bad happening to him there, although he doesn't elaborate on it. He makes mention of the Humpty Dumpty story and then asks Tom to come to Femm Hall, saying he needs his help and can explain everything better there. When Tom appears hesitant, Caspar entices him by saying he has a lovely cousin who will take to him. But, by the time Tom arrives, Caspar is lying in an open casket, having died from a supposed fall over a railing. Despite this, he continues to have a presence throughout the movie, as his voice can be heard reciting lines from a nursery rhyme about the various London churches following each murder. Though Agatha initially seems to think it's his spirit, Tom finds it's a tape recording, which ultimately serves as the means by which the killer is unmasked. Also, despite Caspar's early death, Peter Bull has more to do, as he also plays his twin brother, Jasper, whom Tom first meets when he bungles into an old greenhouse in the dark. Jasper, who was the Dumpty to Caspar's Humpty, as that's what Agatha always called them, is exactly like his brother: odd and very fretful. He believes Roderick is the one who's killing everyone and believes he's next. After becoming acquainted with Tom, he attempts to help him confront Roderick with evidence that he tried to kill him as well with acid, but after his mother is murdered, he does briefly suspect that Tom may be the killer when Roderick suggests it, noting that Caspar never mentioned him. He does manage to last longer than his brother but, near the end of the movie, Tom finds Jasper murdered in the study where Caspar's body is kept, strangled with fire tongs around his neck.

While Cecily comes off as sweet, lovely, and innocent, Morgana (Fenella Fielding) is sultry and seductive, taking an interest in Tom the instant she meets him. She not so subtly tries to get with him when she brings him a dish full of water for him to wash up, and insists on helping him undress to do so. She also has him remove his pants so she can press them, and while that attempt at seduction doesn't get very far, she never loses interest in him. Tom is also obviously interested in her as well, but

this makes him a target for Morgana's big, thuggish father, Morgan (Danny Green). According to Roderick, Morgan hasn't said a word for fifteen years and is very antisocial, eating alone in his room and only briefly appearing during the required midnight meetings to show that he's present. Morgana says he's never liked any of her boyfriends and it's later revealed that her last suitor disappeared without a trace following "screams in the night." Indeed, every chance Morgan gets, he relentlessly attacks Tom, not just chasing him around and trying to beat him up but actively trying to kill him. Worse, his strong, burly frame makes him very hard to fight off, as at one point, Tom breaks a chair over his back and then smashes a vase over his head, only for it to mildly annoy him. It takes a smash over the head from a shovel courtesy of Morgana to save Tom in that instance, shortly after which he discovers Cecily is the murderer. Once revealed, she takes Morgana hostage by putting a meat cleaver to her neck and forces her into a cabinet, locking her in so she'll die when the house is destroyed. While Tom is frantic about getting rid of all the clocks in the house that are wired with explosives, Morgana acts rather blase about it, needing to be shouted at to give the number of clocks in the house and in which order they toll the hour. But, thanks to Tom, she's one of the last members of the family left alive, albeit still locked in the cabinet at the end. Morgan then shows up and, to Tom and Morgana's shock, not only speaks but, after imploring Tom to hit him for the way he acted, actually says he can marry her. After what he's been through, Tom isn't keen on that idea, and tries to get away as quick as he can, but the trapdoor at the front has other ideas.

If he'd said yes, The Old Dark House would have been the second 1963 movie to feature Boris Karloff appearing in a new version of a film he'd done decades before. However, he turned it down because he wasn't keen on the script, particularly for how it goes more for comedy than horror. That may sound like a weird criticism for, you know, a horror-comedy but the thing is, while I wouldn't call it one, the original James Whale movie is just as darkly funny and quirky as it is atmospheric and unsettling, whereas this goes purely for the humor, with very little

atmosphere and no feeling of dread whatsoever. There is the quite constant sound of the rainstorm outside but it doesn't have anywhere near the effect of the howling wind in Whale's film, nor does the cinematography, despite being the work of Hammer veteran Arthur Grant, compare to the original's murky black-and-white look. And, above everything else, even though I'm not the biggest fan of Whale's The Old Dark House (as I said in my review of it, it's my least favorite of the

horror films Whale made for Universal in the 30's), the remake's story and characters just aren't as entertaining or affecting. Granted, as much as I enjoy his movies, William Castle, even at his absolute best, was nowhere near the level of filmmaker Whale was, but still, his direction of this film is so flat and ho-hum that it amplifies how uninspired the whole thing is.

Let's talk about the major reason why the movie doesn't work: the humor. Most of it centers around how bizarre the Femm family is and Tom's reactions to them but, the thing is, it almost never lands. A big problem, as I've already said, is how uninspired and ineffectual a lead Tom Poston is, having none of the charisma that Melvyn Douglas and Charles Laughton had in the original, but the same can also said of the Femms themselves. While all played by fine actors who do the best they can, they're just not as memorable or

entertaining as Ernest Thesiger, Eva Moore, and Boris Karloff, mainly because they don't have their macabre edge. Thus, watching them interact with each other and Tom, play out their quirks, and indulge in their nutty hobbies is never as fun as it should be. The attempts at oddball dialogue throughout the movie don't work much, either. For instance, when Tom and Caspar talk about the latter's cousin at Femm Hall, they have this exchange: "It's a beautiful house. Long, rambling, all the conveniences. And my cousin, she's beautiful,

also." "She is, huh?" "How many carburetors?" "Your cousin?" "No, my car." "Oh, two. Two." "She's just as lovely as Femm Hall." "Your car?" "No, my cousin." Later, when Roderick first meets Tom and he's introduced as having been Caspar's friend, Roderick asks, "Caspar had some very strange friends. Were you one of them?", and Tom answers, "No, I'm not strange. I'm American." Not to mention the other lines and conversations I've already mentioned, like Casper and Jasper's being called Humpty and Dumpty, their own mother not being able to tell them apart, even when one of them is dead, and her chiding Jasper for hiding on an empty stomach, and so on.

The movie is also full of attempts at macabre humor that come in two types. One concerns the members of the Femm family being killed off, which are played strictly for laughs and have absolutely no dramatic impact or repercussions. Not only do they all die with over-the-top expressions on their faces (they're probably where I came the closest to laughing, but I was more tempted to roll my eyes), but most of them are done in through ridiculous means: Agatha has those knitting needles put through her

neck that make her head look like the center of an X (when they find her body, Roderick comments, "Must've been murder. She always knitted so carefully."), Jasper is strangled with a pair of fire tongs, Roderick is felled by an elaborate booby trap involving a gun in his extensive collection, and Cecily is blown up by a bit of the very dynamite she set to destroy the house. The second revolves around the various ways Tom nearly dies, such as a dish that's filled with acid rather than the water meant for him to clean himself up with (he

discovers it when the end of his necktie dips into it and is dissolved) and his falling into quicksand and getting shoved further down into it by someone using a stick from offscreen. That's to say nothing of his getting chased around and attacked by Morgan or when he wakes up to Penelope, one of Potiphar's pair of hyenas, sitting on his bed, snarling at him and ready to eat him alive. Besides the attempts on his life, you also have instances of Tom being forced to interact with dead bodies, like

when he's made to pay his respects to Caspar after just learning of his death, when he talks with Jasper, initially unaware that he's been murdered, and when Roderick is killed right in front of him. And speaking of Jasper, when Tom first meets him in the dark, rundown greenhouse, it freaks him out, as he had no idea Caspar had a twin and initially thinks he's come back from the dead, which isn't helped by how weird Jasper acts at first. Again, these instances could've been funnier if the writing, directing, and acting were all stronger.

Finally, you have instances of screwball humor and slapstick sprinkled throughout the film, all of it at Tom's expense. Over the course of the movie, he gets Caspar's new car muddy and the engine smashed in, falls through the trapdoor Potiphar installed at the front no less than three times, gets knocked on the head and covered in coal in the cellar, gets repeatedly thrown and batted around by Morgan, ends up having to roam around the house without any pants at one point when Morgana goes off with them, nearly gets chomped on by

Penelope, and comes close to killing himself when he tries to keep the house from getting blown up. The only other character who gets put through this kind of physical hell is Morgan when Tom fends him off, smashing everything he can get his hands on over him. When he turns up at the end after Morgana bashed him over the head with a shovel to finally stop him, he has a cartoonish lump on his head, which may or may not also explain why he's suddenly started talking and had a change of heart about Tom.

Besides being a lousy comedy, what truly makes The Old Dark House a failure of a movie is that it doesn't satisfy fans of William Castle or Hammer. As I've said, this doesn't have one of Castle's trademark gimmicks, and while his movies are often entertaining even if you can't actually experience the gimmicks they're known for, the complete absence of one here makes it stand out like a sore thumb among the movies he made when he became a well-known entertainer, making it feel like it wasn't really his. Speaking of which, Castle's by-

the-numbers direction, with few noteworthy flourishes aside from some occasional interesting bits of camerawork and editing, as well as the running gag of the flag atop Femm Hall being lowered every time a murder is committed, and apparent lack of interest in the movie brings out its inherent flaws all the more. On the Hammer side of things, it has few of the elements that made their movies so endearing: none of their big stars or recognizable character actors, none of the gore they were well known for by that point, and the contributions of two of their best and more reliable technicians, cinematographer Arthur Grant and production designer Bernard Robinson, aren't as strong as they usually are. It just makes for a drab affair on the part of both creative entities involved.

When I say that Bernard Robinson's set design isn't up to his usual standards, I should clarify and say that there's nothing wrong with his craftsmanship, which, as with all the Hammer films he worked on, makes it look as though it were made for much more money than it actually was. What I really mean is that Femm Hall isn't the most inspiring or memorable setting the studio ever created. As the title suggests, it is an old, dark, rundown house that's seen better days, with numerous spots where the roof leaks, creaking floorboards, ripped

sections of wallpaper, crooked pictures, a drab color scheme, and self-generated electricity that tends to go out. But, even when the lights do go out, it's less dark than just kind of dim, and it's never that spooky (namely because the movie itself doesn't attempt to be). The main foyer features a stained glass window at the center of a staircase that splits off into two directions leading to the second floor, a mantel above which sits a portrait of Morgan Femm (the founder of the family, not Morgana's father), and is decorated with various

vases and animal trophy heads and old weapons lining the walls, as well as an old grandfather clock and a large cabinet that Cecily locks Morgana in near the end of the movie. The dining room has the expected long table, with the odd feature of a spot where slices of bread are piled up on top of each other, and there's a leaking spot in the ceiling right above one of the chairs, forcing Potiphar to use an umbrella while he eats. It also has a phonograph and a piano wherein the taper recorder with Caspar's voice is located. For a bedroom, Tom gets put into what's called the "Peacock Room," a pretty drab and pathetic room with several mantels, a small and not

too comfortable-looking bed, a small screen that's all he has to shield himself as he's changing his clothes while Morgana is with him, and, as expected, a spot where the roof leaks. The most comfortable-looking room in the house is the drawing room, the large boar's head mounted on the wall not withstanding, and the same would also be said of the study, with its lovely bookcases, were it not for the presence of Caspar's, and later, Jasper's, body lying in an coffin. Both rooms,

however, are certainly prettier to look at than the old, greenhouse-like plant room that's badly overgrown and is full of dead plants and smashed pots. The same goes for the basement that Tom often finds himself in due to the trapdoor at the front, which is filled with all kinds of old junk, including a set of coffins, and where a bunch of coal is kept. Finally, upstairs is Roderick's room, where he keeps his massive gun collection. Not only is it filled to the brim with numerous guns, old and new, but also cannons, sandbags, dummies and cans for target practice, and even some swords on the wall.

Predicting the end of the world, Potiphar has also built a large ark on the grounds, having filled its lower section with various animals like lions, leopards, donkeys, parrots, monkeys, and many others. Also, since he intends to use Tom and Morgana as the Adam and Eve of the new world following the flood, he has a cage made specifically for them, with a bed, "HIS" and "HERS" towels, and a little desk. Up top, Potiphar has his wheelhouse, which is more like a living room, as it has furniture in the back of it. There's

also a lengthy sequence that takes place on the grounds themselves when Tom tries to find his way back to Femm Hall from the ark, only to get lost in the rain, get chased by Morgan, and fall into a quicksand pit. It's obvious that was also a set at Bray Studios, necessary since they needed to be able to control the rain, but it works fine enough, as does the exterior of the ark that you see in a few shots. And the opening takes place inside the swanky, high-class Mayfair Casino, with its big,

fancy gambling room full of well-dressed people, a far cry from what Femm Hall is revealed to be. Going back to the subject of Femm Hall, the exterior of it, and possibly the front gates, is Oakley Court, one of Hammer's most often used real locations and an eerie-looking place that, in my opinion, has more going for it than the actual sets. You also see some lovely footage of the Thames embankment when Tom sets out on his drive and some nice countryside when he comes close to reaching the place.

As was often the case with Hammer, there's very little in the way of visual effects here, apart from some obvious rear projection work when Tom is driving to Femm Hall, a miniature of the ark when you first see it, and some matting for a moment when Tom hallucinates and sees Morgana's head on the body of a seal (I'll explain later). But, a case of special effects work that's an absolute fail is how they try to pass off something that's obviously stuffed as a real hyena. They go in tight on this totally immobile thing's face and use nothing but camera movements and saliva dripping from its mouth to make it seem as though it's moving in for the kill. To make

things worse, they cut between it and several brief wide shots of an actual dog that, even when just seen from the back, is clearly not a hyena. In fact, despite this and the sound of it growling, it took me a bit to realize that thing was meant to be a real hyena, as I thought somebody put that thing in bed with Tom and was growling offscreen to pass it off as real. Again, special effects work was hardly Hammer's strong suit but, regardless, this is laughably bad.

The best thing about the movie is probably the animated opening credits sequence, which was designed by none other than Charles Addams, whose career is known to have been heavily influenced by the original 1932 film. The sequence features an animated drawing of Femm Hall and, as the credits roll, you see an owl fly by, the blinds on some windows being drawn, a rope lower from within a steeple, the figure of a ghost pass by a set of open windows, a gust of wind blowing off some

shutters, a hairy hand drawing Addams' credit, a pair of bloodshot eyes appearing in the dark behind the gaps in some boarded up windows, a big spider lowering down on some silk, and finally, some bats flying right at the screen. Strangely, William Castle's directing credit is brought up twice at the end, as it says "Produced and Directed by William Castle," then says, "Directed by William Castle," as if you didn't see it the first time.

After the credits, Tom Penderel is introduced as he pulls up to the Mayfair Casino. When he's let out by a valet, the man follows him up to the door, and then back to the car when he goes to wipe clean the door handle, before then heading on in. He's not let into the gambling room by the two men standing in the doorway, and the man at the desk tells him that only those who are members are allowed in. Tom explains that his roommate is a member and he's come to the casino to give something to him. The man asks that

he merely leave it with him to ensure his friend gets it, but Tom tells him it's a new car. The man then offers to look up his friend's name in the registry, only for Tom to mistakenly give him his own name at first. He then corrects the ever irritated man, telling him he should look up the name of Femm. He does find someone registered under that name in the book and, probably to get rid of the awkward and chatty Tom, allows him into the gambling room. However, he tells him he's

not to gamble and Tom says, "Oh, not me. I'm American." (Was... that a joke? The man seems to wonder as well, given the look he gives him.) Inside, he finds Caspar playing some baccarat and tells him about the new, American car he has outside, which Caspar likes the sound of, as he's always wanted a foreign car. He then bets 4,000 pounds, only to lose it to an old woman. Getting up and walking away in frustration, he tells Tom he brought him bad luck,then changes the subject

back to the car, before leading him over to a pair of chairs, saying he needs to have a private word with him. This is when he tells him that he goes back to Femm Hall in Dartmoor every night and that he needs him to come down with him, as he's afraid something bad's going to happen to him soon. After baiting him into coming by mentioning his lovely cousin, Caspar says, "I must fly," clarifying that he means he must get down there via an airplane he rents out. On his way out the door, Tom asks him, "Why don't you drive down with me?", and Caspar answers, "Don't forget, you brought me bad luck." After glancing at the woman he lost to as she walks by him, Caspar ducks out, leaving Tom wondering what he was talking about.

Tom's drive to Femm Hall starts out nice enough (though, at one point, he absentmindedly flicks his cigarette ashes into the ashtray, before remembering it's a new car meant for Caspar and quickly dumps it out), but when he gets out onto a country road, thunder rumbles overhead and rain starts to spit down onto the windshield. He pulls over to put the top on and wipes the drops of water off the windshield, but that becomes pointless, as it's pouring rain in the next scene. He gets off onto a

dirt road and then sees a sign telling him that Femm Hall is just six miles up ahead. He drives off, with the now muddy road doing the new car no favors, as it starts caking up on its sides, with a big glop of it splatting on the windshield. Femm Hall then comes into view (the flag is lowered, an action whose significance is revealed later) and he drives up to the gates. Getting out, he tries to open them but they hardly budge, even when he shakes them. When he does, though, he accidentally knocks

loose a stone statue atop one of the gate's pillars and it falls right onto the car's hood, badly denting it and causing smoke to seep up from under it. Worst of all, when Tom looks under the car, he sees that the parts of the engine have all been smashed down onto the ground beneath. Aggravated, he then manages to open the gate enough to slip in and runs to the house's front door. There, he finds there's no way to ring the bell, and the knocker is virtually stuck to the door, making it a struggle to

pull it back up. When it does knock, he falls through a trapdoor and lands in the basement. Moaning in pain and getting to his feet, he notes a set of coffins up against the wall. A man's voice calls, asking if someone's there, and when he looks, he sees an arm holding a candle extending from behind the door on the other side of the room. The man demands he come out, which Tom refuses to do... until he points a gun around the door. He heads to the door, when the man makes him stop and asks who he is. Tom asks if he's "Mr.

Femm" and the man says he is, then tells him to put his hands up and come on up into the light. He sees the man when he appears at the top of the stairs, and when Tom introduces himself as Caspar's friend and roommate, he follows suit by introducing himself as Caspar's uncle, Potiphar. He tells him to come up and, leading him into the foyer, says the trapdoor hadn't worked in a hundred years... until he fixed it. He's about to lead Tom into the study, when they have this exchange: "I wonder what I'm going to say to Caspar."

"Whatever you wish, Mr. Penderel." "No, you don't understand. You see, something terrible happened." "Yes, it was terrible." "Oh, you heard? You know?" "Of course. A frightful tragedy." "I didn't mean for it to happen. I don't even know how it happened. I guess it was all that rain." "For forty days and forty nights, rain came." Tom responds with, "Beg your pardon?", to that last remark, but Potiphar leads him on into the study, telling him Caspar is in there.

Caspar is indeed in the study... lying in an open coffin, his hands crossed across his middle and his eyes wide open. Potiphar tells Tom he fell over the top of the landing just an hour before and, ignoring Tom's shock, leaves him alone to pay his last respects. Tom finds he can't say anything but, "I'm sorry I brought you bad luck. It was a beautiful car. It wasn't my fault. Really, it wasn't. All I did was push against the gate, just a little bit..." when he knocks into the side of a candelabra and knocks a

couple of candles out of their holders. He nervously says, "But, it was insured. You won't have to worry about that... Well, naturally... you won't have to..." Saying he wishes someone would shut his eyes, he goes for the door, when he hears some soft sobbing. At first, he thinks it's Caspar, but then finds it's a young woman who's sitting near a window. Tom stammers out how he knew Caspar and she introduces herself as Cecily. Tom figures she was the cousin Caspar was talking

about. She tells him he was "brave" to come, adding that Caspar was actually murdered. Tom isn't surprised by this, as he remembers how Caspar talked about being in danger, and Cecily warns him he mustn't stay. She insists he leave before the others find out and drags him out of the study and to the front door. She specifies he must leave before, "He gets back," but Tom says he's not going to leave without her, citing how Caspar wanted the two of them to meet. She pulls him to

the door, saying he must walk if his car's smashed up, but when she opens the door, Roderick Femm is standing there in a raincoat. He walks in and, as he does, the lights come on. After he explains he was repairing the generator, he asks who Tom is and Cecily introduces him as having been one of Caspar's friend. When he mentions he's American, Roderick reacts by stretching taut a handkerchief he was using to dry his hands. Looking at Cecily and saying, "It couldn't be," he then invites Tom to stay for dinner. Cecily tries to get Tom out but

Roderick will have none of it, saying, "You know, it's not every day we have an American for dinner. Such a treat for us all. I'm sure the others will be delighted." The grandfather clock in the foyer strikes 8:00 and Agatha Femm comes down the stairs. She's introduced to Tom and, shaking his hand, comments, "We're having you for dinner? Delicious!" She heads into the dining room, followed by Potiphar, who excitedly tells Tom, "There isn't much time left." And then, Morgana comes down the stairs and is delighted at the sight of Tom. When he asks, "How do you do?", she answers, "I'll do better... now that you're here." They then go into the dining room, with Morgana hooking her arm around Tom's, and he;s so flustered he almost trips on a chair on the way in.

Everyone is then shown at the dining table, as the storm continues raging outside. Agatha asks Tom if he's enjoying his dinner, adding, "It was Caspar's favorite. He's not like the other one. The other one only eats raw things." Tom inquires about the "other one" to Cecily but she answers, "Another two, but let's not talk about it now." Tom then notices there are three empty chairs on the opposite side of the table. Potiphar leaves, closing the umbrella he was using to shield himself from the

leak in the ceiling, saying he has to get back to work and that, "The time is almost at hand." Roderick has him confirm that he will be at "the gathering," though. Morgana continues to be interested in Tom, asking him what it's like to be "out there," but Roderick shushes her, adding, "Sometimes you behave as if you wanted to leave Femm Hall. You don't want to leave, do you?" Morgana answers, "No," and when Roderick glances at Cecily and Agatha, they both answer

"no" as well. Tom bluntly asks if they really like living there, but then realizes he might not have worded his question in the best way. However, Roderick confirms that he did indeed, and Agatha says, "It's not that we want to stay at Femm Hall, Mr. Penderel. It's just that we must. We must." Roderick decides to share the reason for this with Tom and leads him out into the foyer. There, Roderick, Cecily, and Morgana explain Morgan Femm and how his will states that his heirs can

only inherit the family fortune if they live at Femm Hall. They also tell of the stipulation that every member of the family who's not home by midnight every night loses their rights to the fortune, and that the fortune can only be divided up among the family if the house "dies." Roderick mentions how they always divide up the family capital on the anniversary of Morgan's hanging, then suggests Tom may have known about that already. He explains he believes he's a descendant of Morgana's daughter, who ran away with an

American pirate, and notes on a supposed similarity between him and the portrait of Morgan, as well as how that night just happens to be the fateful anniversary. Suddenly, the lights dim and Caspar's voice is heard echoing through the house, reciting the nursery rhyme about Humpty Dumpty. They rush back into the dining room, with Agatha saying she recognizes the voice, as do the others. As the voice continues, reciting more rhymes, specifically one about "oranges and lemons," Tom searches a piano in the room and finds a tape recording that serves as the source of the voice, but Agatha is still sure it was Caspar's actual doing.

Later, after Tom helps Agatha with her knitting, and learns just how important it is to her, Roderick walks in and informs him that the roads are completely washed out and that he must stay the night. Again, Cecily tries to help Tom be on his way but Roderick insists it's too dangerous and decides to show Tom to his room. He leads him into a small room he calls the "Peacock Room" and, putting a bowl on a small table to catch a leak, tells him he'll be expected at the gathering at

midnight to ensure everyone is present, before leaving the room. Cecily stays behind, telling him he should've left when he had the chance, but Tom says he didn't want to leave her, as she's in danger, too. The two of them go in for a kiss, but stop when one of the clocks chimes 11:00. Cecily then murmurs, "Oranges and lemons say the bells of St. Clements," which is what Caspar's voice was saying on the tape. She explains the meaning behind the rhyme and how all of the clocks in the

house are named after the various churches in London. More clocks chime and Cecily names them off as well. Again, she and Tom try for a kiss, only to be interrupted when Roderick calls for her. After she leaves, Tom dreamily removes his jacket, when there's a knock at the door. It turns out to be Morgana, who brings in a bowl of hot water so he can wash up. He then becomes nervous and awkward when she asks him to remove his shirt so he can do and helps him by unbuttoning it and

undoing his wrists. Helping him roll up his sleeves, she says he's strong when she feels his arms and he talks about exercising every morning. He does some jumping jacks as a demonstration, and she takes the opportunity to walk into his arms. Awkwardly, he mentions how lonely she must be and she seductively answers, "Oh, you have no idea. Every night in this house, with just a whole family of Femms." She motions him over to the bed and talks about how she never had many boyfriends due to having to be home at

midnight, saying, "Well, things were just getting started and I had to stop." All this time, she rubs on his chest through his open shirt, and he gets more and more flustered, until he suddenly sneezes. She touches his knee and says, "You're damp." She offers to press his pants and he nervously stands up and ducks behind a small screen in the room to remove them.

As he does, he explains that he came to Femm Hall because of Caspar's invitation, saying he wanted him to meet Cecily. Morgana, clearly jealous, tells him that Caspar was her cousin as well. He goes to give her his pants, and almost walks out from behind the screen, but then picks it up and brings it with him as he walks over to her. That's when her father, Morgan, is shown standing in the doorway, glaring at him. When they see him, he stomps towards Tom, who holds out his hand to shake.

Morgan, however, grabs him by the throat, lifts him up, and throws him across the room, ignoring Morgana's pleas. He drags her out of the room as she says he never liked any of her boyfriends. Once he's alone, Tom walks over to the dish with the water and prepares to wash up. When he bends over, the end of his tie droops down into the water, which sizzles and steams. Hearing this, Tom looks down and pulls his tie up to see that the end has been totally dissolved. He then takes his tie off and puts the other end into the liquid. The same thing happens and Tom, for one more test, tosses his tie-pin into it. It's completely dissolved within seconds. That does it for him and he rushes out of the room, yelling for Morgana.

In the hallway, he yells for Roderick and Cecily, before heading down into the foyer, apparently forgetting he's not wearing any pants. He calls for Cecily, then Agatha, and finally Roderick, his voice echoing throughout the house, as if he's suddenly the only one there. He almost walks into the study, then sees Caspar's body lying in its coffin again and promptly ducks right back out. He yells, "Anybody?!", as thunder crashes and the lights go out like they did before. He then walks to

the right of the main staircase, calling for Potiphar, when he hears something on the other side of a door. Walking through it, he finds an old greenhouse and sees that the sound he heard is a door leading to the outside, swinging back and forth in the wind. He goes and closes the door, when a hand reaches out and touches his left shoulder. He swings around and is startled to apparently see Caspar standing there, alive but with a bizarre expression on his face. He mumbles,

"You... you're not here! You're there, and you're dead!", only for him to answer, "No, I'm not." Backing into some old, shriveled vines, Tom orients himself so that he's now backing up to the door leading into the house. He apologizes profusely for what happened to the car, offering to fix it up so he can take it with him, all while backing up and nearly knocking his head on a hanging flowerpot and tipping over something behind him. Tom then shows him his tie, to which he remarks, "Acid! He won't stop at anything!"

Touching the seemingly undead Caspar, Tom realizes the man is alive. Moreover, he tells him, "Caspar's dead. I'm not. I'm Jasper Femm. Caspar was my twin... Humpty and Dumpty, mother used to call us. Now, there's just Dumpty left. Me." He says he's been hiding because he thinks he's next to murdered and that the killer is Roderick, as, "If he can kill us all off, he'll have all the Femm money. You see, he doesn't mind living at Femm Hall. He likes it here." Tom has Jasper follow him, saying they're going to confront Roderick with evidence that he attempted to kill him as well.

Back up in his room, Tom goes to show Jasper exactly what happened, removing his necktie just as the lights come back on. He dips the end of the tie into the water but, as he pulls it out and describes how the end of his tie was dissolved, they both note that nothing has happened to it. Jasper puts his hands into the dish, despite Tom trying to stop him, and he finds the liquid is nothing more than ordinary water. Tom, in turn, sticks his fingertips into the water as well and finds that that

is, indeed, all it is. Finally, Jasper asks Tom who he is and he exclaims, "I'm Tom Penderel from America, and I hate the sea!" He then asks for the time, saying he can't be late, and when he looks at Tom's watch, he says he has plenty of time and runs off with his wet tie. On the way out, he warns him, "Be careful, my friend." The film cuts to Agatha, who, of course, is knitting, when a hand in a black, sequined glove comes up through the settee to her left. However, it quickly ducks back

down when Jasper runs in, calling for his mother. After she mistakes him for Caspar, she admonishes him for hiding and not eating regularly, saying he must keep up his strength as, "It's not good to be frightened on an empty tummy." He tells her that Roderick is going to kill him and everyone else, but Agatha dismisses the thought, saying he's too nice a person, adding, "You're not being very kind." Roderick then comes in, holding an antique gun, and Jasper promptly leaves the room. Roderick asks Agatha if she's seen the acid he

uses when cleaning his gun, saying he left it in the kitchen. He then says, "Agatha, you haven't? No, you couldn't have. Have you?", to which she answers, "I know what you're thinking and the answer's 'no...' At least, I think it is. You feel alright, don't you?" "Perfectly." "Well, then." (Are they trying to insinuate that she's actually used acid in her cooking before?) They talk a bit about her knitting, with Roderick commenting that she'll probably go on knitting until she dies, while she mentions his guns, which he hasn't used lately. She suggests, "Perhaps there just isn't anything very nice to shoot at," and he says, "I have a feeling there's going to be... quite soon." Looking at his watch and seeing it's almost time for the gathering, he heads to the drawing room, telling Agatha not to be late.

In the drawing room, Roderick has gathered with Jasper, Morgana, Cecily, and Tom, who tells Roderick of what happened and has been lent another tie... Caspar's. They start throwing accusations around about who could've put the acid in there and switched out the dish. Cecily notes that Morgana was the one who brought it to the room in the first place, and though she insists it was already filled when she picked it up, Tom remarks, "I'm glad I didn't ask for a bath." Potiphar then joins

them, followed immediately by Morgan, who walks up to the back of the sofa Tom is sitting on, sending him running when he sees him. Roderick formally introduces him, after which Morgan leaves the room, having made his presence in the house known; Roderick comments, "I don't think he likes us." Midnight draws near, as everyone realizes that Agatha hasn't shown up yet. She doesn't come even when Jasper calls for her, nor does she respond to Potiphar's calls when there

are only seven seconds left. A clock chimes but Potiphar says it's fast, and says the same for another that chimes a couple of seconds later. A third and fourth clock chimes, upon which Roderick declares that Agatha has forfeited her rights to the fortune. He's delighted over this, when Jasper sees a ball of Agatha's knitting wool at the foot of the sofa. Picking it up and noting a string extending from it, Roderick and the others follow it out of the drawing room and down the hall to the dining room. When they finally reach the end of it,

they find Agatha's body, with two knitting needles stabbed through her neck. Following a shot of the flag atop the house lowering, they hear the sound of Caspar's voice again, this time saying, "Two sticks and an apple, say the bells of Whitechapel." Like before, Tom finds it's coming from a tape recorder in the piano. Jasper immediately blames Roderick, saying he wants the money to feed his obsession with guns, to which he yells, "Gun collecting, a nasty vice?! You and your beastly potted palms! Your insipid, ridiculous orchids!"

Cecily asks Tom for his advice and he says they should call the police. Roderick says the lines are down, then suggests he himself may be the killer rather than Caspar's friend, as he didn't make friends easy, and also goes on about the resemblance between him and Morgan Femm that only he sees. Tom reminds everyone that he hadn't even arrived when Caspar died, as well as that Roderick is the one who would gain from everyone's death. Having had enough, he declares he's going for the police and marches to the front door.

The others try to stop him, saying he wouldn't make it, but Tom grabs his coat and hat, telling them they can't stop him. He opens the front door and steps out, only to go right through the trapdoor like he did when he arrived. Back in the basement again, he sits up and grabs a lever, only to open a panel that dumps a stream of coal onto him. He gets almost completely covered, when a particularly big piece knocks him on the head and he loses consciousness. He awakens back in the

Peacock Room, surrounded by almost the entire family. Again, he intends to go for the police and tries to sit up, but the whack on his head still lingers and he leans back down, with Cecily putting a cold washrag on his forehead. Potiphar apologizes, saying he should've found some way to close the trapdoor once someone has fallen through it, while Roderick assures Tom they'll send for the police first thing in the morning. He shoos everyone out so he can get some rest, but, like before, Cecily stays behind once everyone else is

gone. As she watches over and talks with Tom, they hear the sound of Morgan's squeaking shoe outside the door. That's when she tells him the last young man Morgana fancied disappeared after his screams were heard in the night and they never found him. She kisses him good night, asking if he'll be able to sleep. He answers, "Yeah. I'll count corpses." She smiles at that and walks out of the room. Outside, she doesn't see Morgan watching and hiding nearby. Once she's gone, he walks to Tom's room and looks at it.

Cut to later that night, at 2:00. After a pan through the foyer, where strange animal sounds can be heard, it cuts back to Tom's room (on a closeup of a picture that reads, "DON'T WORRY. IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN,"). As he sleeps and dreams about Morgana, he has no clue that he has a visitor in bed with him: a snarling hyena (seriously, though; does that look like a hyena in that wide shot?). As she gnaws and licks his hand, Tom thinks it's Morgana kissing him and laughs about it tickling. He then rubs the side of the hyena's head,

telling Morgana she has beautiful hair and asks why she keeps it in a crew-cut. That's when he slowly wakes up and sees the growling, drooling hyena. He climbs up onto the head of the bed, as the hyena tries to get up after him, and yells for help. Potiphar walks in and, seeing the hyena, whom he calls Penelope, says he's been looking for her and apologizes to Tom. He sends her out of the room and Tom, naturally, asks why he has a hyena. He's shocked when Potiphar says Penelope is one of a pair and that he has them because the world is

coming to an end. Tom writes him off as being nutty as everyone else, but he insists he knows what he's talking about. He has Tom pick up a book on a nightstand, which turns out to be a Bible, and read from Genesis 17 and 18. He reads the story of Noah's Ark and Potiphar comments, "You see? Just like it was before." Glancing back at the text, Tom puts together his mentioning a pair of hyenas and what he means about the world ending. Potiphar then brings him to the window and points out an ark that's sitting on the grounds. In the next

scene, Potiphar brings him to the ark and leads him down into its bowels, which is full of pairs of numerous types of animals. Confident that it will float when the time comes, Potiphar then leads him to a cage with bits of furniture that he says is his, revealing his plan to have him and Morgana be the parents of the new population of the Earth after the flood. Though Tom does consider the possibility, he ultimately disagrees. Potiphar comments, "A mother for a new race of Femms," to which Tom

remarks, "That's just what the world needs." Suddenly, the boat tilts over to the left, which Potiphar feels is a sign that the ark is beginning to rise above the water. He excitedly leaves to get his charts, telling Tom he and Morgana will be quite comfortable when the times comes. Tom tries to follow and talk with him, when a seal flops its way into the cage and gets up onto the bed. He smirks at it, until its head is replaced with Morgana's in his mind's eye. Shaking his head and squinting his eyes to make it go away, commenting, "I'm getting just as batty as the rest of 'em." The seal seems to agree, as it claps its flippers.

Morgan comes stomping onboard the ark and Tom quickly ducks back inside the cage. He slides the door shut and tries to tell him he's not going to be mating with Morgana, but he opens it up, stomps in, and grabs him. He gets loose and backs out of the cage, managing to trick Morgan and close and lock him in (all the while, that seal does nothing but watch from the bed). He heads up to the wheelhouse, calling for Potiphar, but finds no sign of him and only manages to whack his head on the underside of a wicker cage holding a dove. He

walks out onto the deck, into the storm, and climbs down from the bow. Still not seeing Potiphar anywhere, he goes to head back to the house. Back in the ark, Morgan manages to break his way out of the cage and wrenches free one of the bars to use as a weapon. Tom makes his way through the overgrown grounds, calling for Potiphar, unaware that Morgan is hunting for him. Tom then decides to just concentrate on getting back to the house, only to realize he doesn't know where the house is. He walks on further, only to turn and see that

Morgan is hot on his tail. He runs, only to fall into a quicksand pit and start sinking. He yells for help, when a branch extends out from a bush off to the side. At first, he thinks it's someone trying to help him, but then, whoever is wielding the branch starts to push him further into the muck. Suddenly, there's a gunshot and the stick drops. Roderick shows up with a rifle and says, "I told you it was dangerous to leave Femm Hall." He points the barrel of the rifle at him and Tom waits for him to

finish him off, egging him to do so, saying it's a better way to go than sinking down into the quicksand. But, Roderick tells him to grab the gun so he can pull him out and Tom, realizing he's sincere, does so. As he pulls him out, Roderick tells him he was shooting at Morgan to get him off his back, noting that the last person Morgana had a fancy for disappeared in that very same quicksand pit. Once he's gotten Tom out, he orders to get back to Femm Hall and forces him there at gunpoint.

Back at the house, Tom has changed into a British naval captain's uniform, as Potiphar says he came back to get his charts. When Tom sneezes twice, Potiphar goes to get some wine, saying, "All my animals must have perfect health." Roderick, still wielding his rifle, asks Tom if he's feeling better and Tom, in turn, tells him he's still a suspect. Roderick says so is he and everyone else, which is why he's armed and means to guard the door to ensure no one else gets in or out. When Potiphar brings him his wine, Tom goes for a drink, only to

remember what happened before with the acid and dips the tip of his tie into it. Nothing happens, and Potiphar asks if that's something Americans do to make the wine taste better. He then takes a sip of it and feels it does. He goes to make one for himself, telling Roderick to keep an eye on Tom, as, "I have great plans for him." Roderick then orders Tom into the study, where Jasper is. Walking in and standing next to the rocking chair Jasper is sitting in, Tom looks at the clock as it strikes 3:00. However, he doesn't see that Jasper is dead, with

some fire tongs wrapped around his neck. He walks over to Caspar's body in the coffin, remarking on the similarities, as some editing shows how especially similar they look as corpses. Shutting the door, he asks Jasper who he thinks is the killer. When he gets no response, he thinks Jasper is unwilling to implicate a member of his own family. He, however, says he think it's Roderick. Feeling a chill, he goes to stoke the fireplace and asks Jasper if he's seen the tongs, when Caspar's voice echoes once more, saying, "Pokers and tongs, say the bells of St. Johns." Turning, he finally sees that Jasper has been murdered and, like before, the flag on the roof is lowered.

Now, both Jasper and Caspar are lying in coffins in the study, as Roderick, still wielding his rifle, Potiphar, and Cecily listen to Tom's explanation of what happened. Roderick, naturally, believes it was Tom's doing, since he was the only one in the room, but Potiphar says he felt Jasper's body and that it was very cold, meaning he was dead before Tom entered. Roderick decides that everyone should go to their rooms and lock themselves in, and forces Tom and the others out of the study at gunpoint. On the way up, Morgana gladly joins

Tom when he tells them where they're going. Once upstairs, Roderick orders everyone into their rooms. Morgana tries to have Tom stay with her but Roderick isn't having it and she sulks back to her room. Tom then goes for his room, but Roderick orders him into his, saying it's so he can keep an eye on him. Before they enter, he catches Potiphar apparently trying to sneak out, but he ducks back in. Roderick and Tom then go into the former's room, but once they're inside, Potiphar peeks back out of his own room and slips out with a small clock he was carrying before.

In his room, Roderick shows off his extensive gun and weapon collection, saying it's his hobby. He takes an old-fashioned pistol and starts shooting a series of cans lined up for target practice, listing off the other Femms' hobbies as he does (said cans are shown to have their names on them, incidentally). After asking Tom if he has a hobby, which he almost replies affirmatively but then decides not to engage with him, Roderick turns the pistol on him and says all they need to do is wait for the killer to reveal himself. He pulls the trigger and Tom reflexively

recoils, but it clicks empty; smiling, Roderick says it only had four bullets. He then starts showing off various guns: one was used to assassinate the Archduke of Hungary, and another that belonged to Harkness, the Bluebeard, adding that he murdered four of his wives with it. He then walks over to a cannon, which he says helped sink the U.S. Victorine, and finally, over to a glass case which he says was once used by Napoleon. He doesn't get to say who he used it on, though, as when he opens the case, it falls forward and fires, hitting him right

in the center. Tom, yelling Roderick's name, instinctively takes off his cap, as the flag is lowered once again. Checking the case, he sees it was set up so that it would fire on Roderick. He rushes to the door, only to come face to face with Morgan, still wielding the bar from before. Not listening when Tom tells him, again, that he has no interest in Morgana, he chases Tom to a table, where he grabs the gun Roderick used before, only to pull the trigger and remember it was empty. He then merely tosses it against Morgan's chest and he, in turn, tries to impale him with the bar, but misses and jabs it into one of the sandbags piled up behind Tom. He chases Tom out of the room and into the hall, tripping over a wicker basket Tom flips in his path, but it's not enough for Tom to lose him. 

He chases him downstairs into the foyer and down further into the basement. Tom tries to escape by climbing up through the trapdoor but can't get any traction on the angled bit of floor below it. Morgan tosses the bar but it misses him and sticks into a brick wall nearby. Tom then jumps up and grabs onto the low ceiling when Morgan dives at him, causing him to slam his head into the wall. Undeterred, he gets back up and chases after Tom when he rounds a corner, only to trip and fall into a pile of coal. Tom climbs over him and attempts to

get the bar out of the wall. Morgan charges at him but gets caught up in a sack hanging from the ceiling. Unable to remove the bar, Tom runs and Morgan chases him around a brick wall several times, until he puts something in his path and trips him up with it. When he's down, Tom smashes a chair over his back, but this does nothing but slightly annoy him. He then grabs a vase and smashes it over his head, but, again, it doesn't hurt him in the slightest. He grabs Tom, puts him over a rope hanging down from the ceiling, and shoves

him back and forth into the wall, bashing his head against it. Tom then grabs one of his legs and throws him off-balance, causing him to fall. Tom gets himself off the rope and falls onto the coal. He tries to back away, when Morgan dives at him again, this time landing right next to him. He gets up, lunges at Tom, but he pushes him into a wheel-barrel. Tom tries to run for it but gets caught up in the ropes hanging from the ceiling and finds himself running in place on the coal pile. Morgan

tries to force himself out of the wheel-barrel, when Morgana comes downstairs and sees what's going on. She grabs a shovel, and as Morgan closes in on Tom, whacks him on the top of the head with it, saying, "Sorry, Daddy," before he collapses. Tom gets to his feet and then, at that very moment, they hear Caspar's voice again, saying, "Bullseyes and targets, say the bells of St. Margaret's." Tom asks Morgana where Cecily is, but when she says she doesn't know, he runs upstairs, calling for her.

Not finding her, he runs into the dining room and opens up the piano to, again, see the tape recorder. When Morgana joins him, he notes how it plays every time someone is killed, as well as that it's a new recording since he pulled out the tape the first time. Playing the tape again and then rewinding it, he has Morgana say the rhyme, which she does. Obviously, it doesn't match the voice, but then, he speeds the tape up and the voice reveals itself to actually be that of Cecily played back slowly (convenient how her voice slowed down happens

to sound like Caspar). Cecily promptly emerges from behind some window curtains and grabs Morgana, putting a meat-cleaver to her neck. He leads both of them out into the foyer, concluding the rhyme: "'When will you pay me?', say the bells of Old Bailey. 'When I grow rich,' say the bells of Shoreditch. 'Pray, when will that be?', say the bells of Stepney. 'Soon, now, I know,' says the great bell of Bow." The lights go out again and Tom tries to go for her but Morgana warns him not to. Cecily then rhymes, "Here comes a candle to light you to

bed. And here comes a chopper to chop off your head." She tells Tom she means to kill Morgana like the others, then plans to destroy the house in just five minutes. That's when she asks Tom to join her, saying, "We'll be rich," but Tom is having none of it, noting how crazy she is. Screaming, "Then, stay!", she flings the meat-cleaver at him, sticking his coat to the wall, and shoves Morgana into a large cabinet and locks her in, before fleeing out the front door. Unable to remove the cleaver from

the wall, Tom simply takes off the coat and runs for the door. Seeing no sign of Cecily, he then tries to get Morgana out of the cabinet but is unable to open it. She tells him Potiphar has all the keys to the house and he's about to go find him, when the lights come back on. Then, he remembers what Cecily said about the house and everyone in it being dead in five minutes. Glancing at his watch, he sees there are now four minutes left, and tries to figure out how she intends to carry out her threat.

tHitting on the notion that the pattern of her murders involved the clocks and their chiming, he searches the grandfather clock in the foyer and opens its door to find several sticks of dynamite taped to the inside of it. As he pulls out the wires, he asks Morgana how many clocks there are in the house but because she doesn't quite grasp the urgency of the situation and just wants to be let out, it forces him to shout at her about the exact number. She says there are seven, and he then asks which strikes first. She says it's the one in the study and Tom rushes to find it.

But, when he enters the study, he finds the clock has been moved. Looking around a bit, including on Jasper's person and under his corpse, he then looks under the coffin, finds the clock and rips out the dynamite wired to it. He runs out into the foyer, learns that the clock in the dining room is next, and rushes there. Finding Agatha's body in a coffin of her own, he finds the clock, pulls on the wires attached to its back (accidentally knocking a glass case to the floor as well), and follows them to find the sticks of dynamite hidden under the quilt

Agatha was knitting, which is now covering her body. Heading out, he learns Roderick's room is next and he rushes upstairs. Entering the room, and finding Roderick in his own coffin as well, he also finds that the clock in there is sitting atop a high shelf, forcing him to climb up in order to rip the wires loose, finding they extend down through a hole in the floor, where the dynamite is. He then runs downstairs, only to learn his room is next, meaning he has to run back up. When he enters his room, he finds a coffin with his coat and hat lying

in it as a substitute for himself. The clock is underneath the hat and he easily rips out the wire to the dynamite underneath the clothes. He then rushes back down, asking Morgan where the last two clocks are, but she admits she can't remember. Horrified at this, he then looks about the foyer and happens to hear some ticking underneath more of Agatha's wool on a table. Finding an alarm clock with some dynamite taped to its back, he disables it, then tells Morgana there's one clock still

unaccounted for. She tells him there isn't time and implores him to save himself. Thinking about where the last one could be, he remembers how Potiphar came out of his room with one and runs out to the ark, managing to avoid the trapdoor this time; Morgana, thinking she'll never see him again, says, "Goodbye. Goodbye, darling." Tom rushes inside the ark and climbs up to the wheelhouse, where Potiphar is preparing for the "flood." Asking where his clock is, he finds it, rushes out the door,

and throws it off the end of the bow. It sails through the air and lands right at the spot where Cecily is standing under her umbrella, waiting for the house to explode. She doesn't hear the sound of it ticking, and within seconds, the grounds are rocked by a loud, bright explosion, which Potiphar takes to mean the end of the world has really begun. He declares, "We sail now!", and runs back to the wheelhouse, while Tom, having had enough, exclaims, "Bon voyage!", and climbs down the ship.

Come morning, the rain has finally stopped. Tom, back in his rightful clothes, comes downstairs, quite ready to leave. He goes to say goodbye to Morgana, who's still locked in the cabinet, but finds she's asleep. He walks to the door, only for her to now wake up. She asks him to let her out but he says he doesn't have a key. Potiphar bumps into him on his way in, sad that the world didn't end, but is sure it will soon. Morgana asks Tom to come over to him, which he's reluctant to do... until Morgan walks up behind him, once again wielding

that bar and with a big lump on his bald head. Tom runs to the cabinet and begs for Morgana to let him in, when Morgan grabs him and turns him around. Much to his and Morgana's surprise, Morgan not only speaks but says, "Hit me, Thomas. Go ahead, hit me! I deserve it." When Morgana notes that he's talking, Morgan says he's finally found someone worth talking to and, again, pleads with Tom to hit him. Tom takes the bar and is about to go through with it, but when he sees the lump on his head, feels he can't. Morgan then says something even

more dumbfounding: "Then take Morgana. She's all yours, son." Morgana is ecstatic, saying she and Tom could get married, but Tom isn't crazy about having Morgan for an in-law. Morgana asks her father to get her out of the cabinet, and while Tom doesn't think he can without a key, he's shocked when Morgan easily rips the door right off its hinges. Both of them then approach Tom, Morgana saying they could live together at Femm Hall, an idea he likes even less. After babbling about a girl

he claims to know back home and all that, finally decides to put his foot down and just turn around and leave. But, as he did twice before, he falls through the trapdoor, and Morgan and Morgana exchange smiles at this. The movie ends with a shot of the Femm Hall flag having been replaced with an American flag, as The Stars and Stripes Forever plays on the soundtrack (I think the significance is that now, there is some American blood in the Femm family, but by this point, I'm just glad this lame flick is over.)

The music score was composed by Benjamin Frankel, who, previously, had scored Hammer's The Curse of the Werewolf (a great score for an equally great film). Fittingly, his music is just as oddball as the movie itself, often swinging back and forth between sound rather eerie to light-hearted and fun and downright goofy. The main title theme begins with an otherworldly sort of main leitmotif that's made of strings accompanied by a xylophone-like sound, and then features an evil cackling before transitioning into a lighter, pleasant string piece that still has the weirdness of the first section popping up here and there. The latter part of the main titles sound downright playful and silly, ending on a hollow knocking sound that's heard throughout the movie, as is that initial, strange-sounding piece. Speaking of transitions, when Tom drives to Femm Hall, the music goes from a joyous, traveling sound to accentuating his accumulating bad luck and finally to a weird, organ aesthetic when he finally gets there. The music continues to sound quirky and odd throughout most of the movie, sometimes with a homey and quaint sort of flavor that's still just a bit off in how it's played. But, what's even memorable to me is how big and grand it will get at points. Every time Tom falls through the trapdoor, it's played to a sudden burst of fanfare, and when Morgan stalks him through the rainstorm, it's played to music that sounds more appropriate for a foxhunt scene. The chase scene between them that leads down into the basement is especially exuberant and even jolly-sounding, despite the crazy slapstick and the simple fact that a big, burly man is trying to murder a smaller, weaker one. The sequence where Tom rushes to find all the bombs and disarm starts off as somewhat low-key, but grows bigger and more urgent-sounding as it goes on, especially in the moment where he tries to find the next to last clock, where this piece made up of plucking strings gets faster and increases in intensity until he finds and disarms it. And as I said, at the end of the movie, The Stars and Stripes Forever randomly plays over the ending credits. If nothing else, at least the music score is somewhat memorable, which is more than I can say for the whole of the movie.

There's a good reason why The Old Dark House is such an overlooked film in both William Castle and Hammer's filmography, as it's not an effective entry in either. The story is ho-hum, the direction is uninspired, the capable cast do what they can but they're far from able to salvage it, the cinematography and art direction are serviceable but nothing amazing, there are badly laughable technical moments, and, worst of all, the movie doesn't succeed at all in its attempts to be a quirky, macabre horror-comedy. The opening credits sequence by Charles Addams is very nice, there is some memorable location-work, especially for Oakley Court, and the music score is definitely unique and unpredictable, but other than that, the whole thing is a drab and unsatisfactory affair. My advice is to just stick with the original James Whale movie, as it's far more memorable, entertaining, and, even though it's not strictly a horror-comedy, funnier than this.