Jingle All the Way (1996)

You may be surprised to see this isn't an entry of Stuff I Grew Up With since, if you've been with me for a while now, you'd know I was exactly the right age for it when it was released but, when I think back, I believe it was a movie I was only vaguely aware of at the time. Back then, I was far more interested in other things, mainly cartoons and video games (that was the year of the Nintendo 64, which I did get for Christmas), and stuff like this wasn't very high on my pecking order. I do remember seeing it on TV when I was still fairly young, around the time I first learned of Arnold Schwarzenegger (as I've said before, Kindergarten Cop was my introduction to him), and I also recall that what I saw was the climax at the parade, but I can't think of a definitive moment where I sat down and watched it from the beginning, at least before I bought it cheap on Blu-Ray many years later. In short, it's one of those movies that was always just kind of there for a long time but I didn't give it much thought. Regardless, as I said, I did get it on Blu-Ray, one, because I love Arnold, and two, Junior not withstanding, I really enjoy him in comedies. And by the time I bought Jingle All the Way, I was very much aware of the criticisms it got, not just for being a very typical and rather unoriginal Christmas/family comedy of the time but also because of its indulgence in the commercialization of Christmas, with Arnold and Sinbad's characters trying to gain their sons' love through it. When I finally watched it all the way through, I did enjoy it but I couldn't help but agree with those criticisms, to a degree. At the end of the day, it's a movie that I enjoy but I'm also a bit mixed on. I really like Arnold, both in his character and the misadventures he gets himself into, there are a number of genuinely funny moments, and you can tell the film had a very healthy budget to play with, but on the other hand, there are a number of supporting characters, including Sinbad and Phil Hartman, who I find to be downright obnoxious and unlikable rather than funny, endearing, or sympathetic, and while I feel the commercialization and shopping madness side of Christmas depicted here is accurate, there are aspects of it I definitely don't like and it isn't resolved in the story's context in a manner I care for.

Howard Langston is a successful Minneapolis-based mattress salesman who's a major workaholic, to the point where he tends to neglect his wife, Liz, and their nine-year old son, Jamie, missing important instances of family time with them. It comes to a head when Howard, after working late, getting caught in a bad traffic jam, and running afoul of a police officer, misses seeing Jamie earn a purple belt in his karate class. Also not helping matters is his neighbor, Ted Maltin, a divorced single father who clearly has a thing for Liz and often tries to muscle in on Howard's family. In an attempt to make things up to his son, Howard offers to get him something really special for Christmas and Jamie knows exactly what he wants: an action figure of Turbo-Man, a popular TV superhero he's a big fan of. However, it turns out that Liz asked Howard to get that toy two weeks before. He lies and says he did, only to become horrified when Liz tells him that, by this point, they'd probably be all sold out. With no other recourse, Howard heads out on Christmas Eve to find a Turbo-Man, which grows into a herculean task with numerous stores being completely out, various clerks laughing at him for his naivety, and his having to compete with Myron Larabee, a tightly wound and increasingly unhinged postal worker who's also determined to get the toy for his own son. Between that, a counterfeit toy factory run by various men dressed as Santa Claus, Ted moving in on his family more and more, and his growing disdain for the Turbo-Man character, Howard is in one for frustrating and exhausting day that could cause irreparable damage between him and his son.

The film marked the first time Chris Columbus acted as producer after he'd had lots of success as a screenwriter and director. He said he became interested in the story, which was written by Randy Kornfield, due to his own experience with the craziness of Christmas shopping, specifically when he tried to get his kid a Buzz Lightyear action figure, which was in very high demand around the holiday season of 1995 (my parents were lucky that I didn't get into Toy Story until the year after it came out, making it easier for them to get a hold of the toys) and is said to have done an uncredited rewrite on the script where he put in the more satirical elements. He then hired Brian Levant to direct. Levant, who started out as a writer on TV shows like Happy Days, The Jeffersons, and Mork & Mindy, isn't exactly a critical darling but he's made a number of movies I have childhood memories of, like Problem Child 2, Beethoven (though, when I was a kid, I liked the second one better), and The Flintstones. As for Jingle All the Way, Levant has said he enjoyed both being able to come up with a fake superhero, TV show, toy line, and commercials, as well as tell a story about a father trying to connect with his son, but he's also said the movie put him in "director jail" for a while. Indeed, he didn't direct another theatrical film until 2000's The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, and his output since then has been pretty spotty, including Snow Dogs, Are We There Yet?, Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins, Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster (which some feel are better than the theatrical live-action Scooby-Doo movies), and, most notoriously, A Christmas Story 2.

He may be known for his bigger than life action roles but, even in his comedies, Arnold Schwarzenegger played characters who could hardly be described as "everyman" types, be it as part of a genetic experiment in Twins, an undercover cop in Kindergarten Cop, or a scientist who becomes the world's first pregnant man in Junior; his role here of Howard Langston is the exception, as it's probably the most down-to-Earth one he's ever had. Howard is a typical successful businessman who lives a comfortable life in the suburbs of Minneapolis with his wife and son. Although Howard loves his family, he tends to spend too much time thinking about his job and often neglects them, especially his son, Jamie, having missed a number of important milestones in his life, as well as general family outings. Although the film opens with him leaving his office a lot later than he should to attend Jamie's karate class, where he gets his purple belt, he does make an effort to be there. But he fails because of a traffic jam and when he gets pulled over by and unintentionally annoys Officer Hummell. With Jamie angry at him over this latest disappointment, Howard offers to make it up to him by getting him something very special for Christmas, a promise that leads to the two of them having a fun time together afterward... and creates a major headache for Howard. Not only is the special toy in question, the Turbo-Man doll, something his wife told him to buy two weeks before but, by this point, it's likely sold out. Regardless, Howard is intent on making good on his promise and heads out on Christmas Eve to get the toy, only to find obstacles around every corner, including massive, rabid crowds, store after store where the toy is sold out, a warehouse of counterfeit toys run by a bunch of conmen dressed as Santa Claus, whom Howard has to literally fight off, Hummell, whose bad side he continually provokes, and Myron Larabee, who will stop at nothing to make sure he gets the action figure for his son.

Howard's Christmas Eve problems don't end with his inability to find a Turbo-Man, as he also has to deal with his neighbor, Ted, who's trying to muscle in on his family by putting up lights on their roof, helping Liz out as she bakes cookies, and just generally tries to show Howard up and make himself out to be a better father and husband. Even worse, Howard gets so frustrated and exhausted with his fruitless search, especially after the ordeal in the warehouse of counterfeit toys and his car

running out of gas, that he loses his patience with Jamie over the phone and yells at him when he keeps reminding him of his promise to join them in attending an annual Christmas parade downtown. He immediately regrets this, especially when Jamie yells at him about how he never keeps his promises, and joins Myron in some coffee laced with liquor at Mickey's diner. When Myron talks about how he never forgave his father for not getting him a special toy, Howard, worrying that Jamie may end

up like him, becomes all the more determined to get the Turbo-Man, attempting to win a radio contest that turns out to be for a gift certificate. His car also gets stripped, forcing him to ride back home in the tow truck, and when he does, he becomes so enraged at the sight of Ted putting the star on his Christmas tree that he breaks into his house to steal the Turbo-Man he knows he got his own son. But, he can't go through with it and goes to put it back, only for a reindeer Ted bought for his son to him, leading to him getting caught when

he accidentally sets some of Ted's decorations on fire. Liz all but disowns Howard then, having Ted drive her and Jamie to the parade and leaving Howard alone to get drunk with the reindeer. But then, seeing an old drawing that proves how he was once Jamie's hero, he decides to keep his promise and go, only to, once again, run afoul of Hummell. This leads to him running for cover in a storeroom, where he's mistaken for the guy meant to play Turbo-Man in the parade and, unable to get a word in edgewise, is forced into the costume, which

includes a lot of really high-tech equipment, such as a jetpack. Once he gets over being flustered by being in the parade, he finds it to be really cool and even gets a chance to present Jamie with an action figure. But Myron, dressed as Turbo-Man's archenemy, Dementor, shows up and chases after Jamie to get the toy, forcing Howard to literally be a hero and rescue his son. In the end, this prompts Jamie to give Myron the toy, saying he has the real Turbo-Man at home, while Howard promises to be there for them more.

Howard's wife, Liz (Rita Wilson), does love her husband but often gets frustrated with his constantly disappointing Jamie, and also unknowingly makes him realize the massive problem he's created for himself when she reminds him that he was supposed to pick up the Turbo-Man action figure weeks before and that they're likely all sold out. Her frustration with him grows over the course of Christmas Eve, especially after he and Jamie have a really heated phone-call where he calls his father out over never keeping his promises, and while she's willing to keep Ted from putting the star on top of the tree, which is Howard's yearly tradition, when she and Ted catch him after he breaks into the latter's house and tries to steal the Turbo-Man he bought for his own son, this tears it for her. She tells Howard that she's done listening to his excuses and opts to go to the Christmas parade with Jamie, asking Ted to drive her. That said, though, Liz is not about to be unfaithful and give in to Ted's advances. Throughout the film, as Ted gets more aggressive and obvious with his interest in her, she fights him off, but when he won't take the hint and tries to come on to her at the parade, she smashes him in the face with the thermos of eggnog he tries to play her with. After the climax, when she and Jamie realize that "Turbo-Man" is really Howard, she's both impressed with what he's willing to go through for his son's sake and also seems to like the sight of him in the outfit. But then, at the very end, she horrifies Howard again when she asks him what he got her for Christmas.

Poor Jake Lloyd. This is the only movie aside from The Phantom Menace that he's known for, and while it probably didn't cause him as much grief as being the young Anakin Skywalker, it probably still didn't help, seeing as how it's not a movie that's held in very high regard. Regardless, I think he plays Jamie as rather relatable kid. Since his father misses everything that's important to him, he's no longer his hero and he, instead, looks to the ultra-good and honest TV superhero Turbo-Man as a role model. Howard is especially in the doghouse with his son after he misses his karate class and his acquiring his purple belt, so he offers to make it up for him by doing something special. When his father offers to get him something he really wants for Christmas, Jamie excitedly talks about the Turbo-Man action figure, having apparently seen the commercial for it so many times that he's memorized the entire sales pitch. He also adds that everyone he knows is going to get it, and anyone who doesn't is going to be seen as a loser, something Howard is determined to not let happen. But by spending almost the whole of Christmas Eve trying to get the action figure, Howard runs the risk of disappointing Jamie again, this time by not keeping his promise to attend the "Hollywood Wintertainment Parade" with him and Liz. The saddest scene involving Jamie is when he remarks to Ted's son, Johnny, about how cool his dad is and Johnny mentions that his dad started acting this way after his parents divorced, suggesting his should do the same. The thought of this upsets Jamie, who runs into the house in time to answer a call from a tired and frustrated Howard, who wants to speak with Liz. However, Jamie keeps reminding him about his promise to attend the parade with them, adding how Turbo-Man always says you should keep your promises. Howard, who's had enough of Turbo-Man at this point, loses his patience and yells at Jamie, saying he doesn't want to hear any more it. Jamie then yells back, "What would you know about keeping your promises?! You never keep your promises! You never do anything you say you're gonna do! Ever!", and slams the phone down.

When he and his mother go to the parade with Ted and Johnny, Jamie does get to see his hero up close, unaware that it's his own father (seriously, how could he not recognize his father's face through that see-through visor or his voice, modulation or not?), and is presented with his own Turbo-Man action figure. But then, Myron shows up dressed as Dementor and chase after him, trying to get the doll and almost gets them both killed when he chases him up onto a building and the two

of them end up hanging from a decoration on the roof that comes loose. Jamie, however, is saved by his father using the gadgets in his suit and the jetpack strapped onto him. After everything is said and done, as happy as he is to have his action figure, Jamie also wishes his dad could've been there and blames himself for his apparent absence, thinking he's angry after he yelled at him. But then, Jamie learns that his dad, for all intents and purposes, is Turbo-Man, making Howard his hero once again and prompting him to give his action figure to Myron for his son, saying he has the real thing at home.

Chris Columbus wanted Joe Pesci to play Myron Larabee but, of course, Sinbad was the one who ultimately got the part. I've read that Columbus and the other producers felt that his playing an antagonist might damage his family friendly image but Sinbad felt audiences would view Myron in a sympathetic light. Well, speaking for myself, I don't look at Myron with anything less than contempt; I can't stand this guy. He's meant to be a mirror image of Howard, another dad trying to get something nice for his kid for Christmas, but, unlike Howard, he's shopping at the last minute because his job as a postal worker prevented him from doing so beforehand, and he also has to pay alimony, just managing to make ends meet, so him getting his son that Turbo-Man action figure would be quite special. But, the problem is that he's so damn obnoxious and unlikable. He acts sympathetic enough towards Howard when they first meet at the toy store but then, when the place is completely out and they hear that the last one was just bought, he sabotages Howard, slamming him into a pile of boxes, and laughs at him as he runs away. Because of this, I love it when Howard gets back at him by making him trip with a remote-controlled car. And this routine continues all throughout the movie: Myron will act nice and sympathetic towards Howard, even listening to him talk about how he once made Jamie really happy at Christmas, but the minute the opportunity to get a Turbo-Man comes up, he screws him over, then obnoxiously laughs at and even mocks him. Also, the only people Howard threatens or beats on are the store clerks who laugh in his face or the conmen dressed up as Santa who try to beat on him after they took his money for a defective toy, whereas Myron goes as far as to, twice, threaten people with a supposed bomb in the mail to get what he wants (with the second instance having been real, much to his and Howard's shock) and is also constantly shoving people out of the way and yelling at them.

Besides being a complete douchebag, Myron also clearly has some psychological issues. Again, understandable, since he's been working his butt off trying to provide for his son and pay off his ex-wife's alimony at the same time, but he also has serious resentment issues towards his own father, who never got him that special toy for Christmas and seems to think that led him to his lousy lot in life, which makes Howard think Jamie will go down this same road if he doesn't get him that

Turbo-Man. Maybe Myron's father was a real skunk, but we don't ever get any evidence of it beyond him saying, "For my old man, Christmas was just another opportunity to let me down," so maybe his dad tried but just couldn't make it happen. In any case, this culminates in the climax, where Myron ties up the guy meant to play Dementor in the parade, steals his costume, and confronts both Howard and Jamie on the float, demanding the action figure. Howard tries to talk

some sense into him but Myron, by this point, is beyond reason and actually chases after Jamie, grabs onto him at one point and tries to take the figure from his backpack, shoves people over in the chase, and pursues him onto a rooftop, where they climb up onto a decoration that falls over and leaves them hanging precariously above the street. Even then, Myron won't give up and takes the figure from Jamie's backpack, only to get knocked down when Howard throws the "Turbo-Rang" at him, after which he's rightfully arrested. He does

get the action figure, of course, and tells Jamie, "This is gonna make my son really happy," though I'm thinking, "Yeah, after you get out of jail for however long you're gonna be in there." And while I get the reasoning behind it, Jamie is still a lot more forgiving to the man who assaulted, chased, and nearly got him killed than I would've been. Some may think I'm taking this too seriously but I wouldn't have minded so much if Myron had been portrayed more sympathetically beforehand. Plus, it doesn't help that I don't find Sinbad's performance and ad-libbing to be all that funny; instead, it just feels like he's trying way too hard.

But as bad as Myron is, Ted Maltin is infinitely worse, and I actually think it kind of sucks that this was the last movie released in Phil Hartman's lifetime. While Myron, despite his obnoxious behavior and insanity, is trying to do something good for his kid, Ted is just a smarmy sleazebag of a divorced father who, according to his son, started doing things for his neighbors around Christmas once he and his wife split up. He's obviously trying to impress the women he lives near, especially Liz, whom he has an eye for, and wants to replace Howard as the patriarch of his family. He not only makes it a point to do all the things Howard should be doing, like videotaping their sons' karate class and putting up Christmas lights for them, but he also passive-aggressively rubs it in his face and insinuates that he's a better husband and father. When Howard's gone all day, Ted makes sure to move in on Liz and act all considerate and concerned, complimenting her on baking some many Christmas cookies and suggesting she go relax for a little while and leave him to take care of things. This is where he starts to move into full-on sexual harassment mode, reaching around and undoing the back of Liz's apron, clearly enjoying every minute of it, and then helps himself to her cookies. That's when Howard calls to talk to Liz, only for Ted to answer the phone, make it known he's eating and enjoying her cookies (PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN, NOW!), and when Howard says he wants to talk to his wife, Ted answers, "I think she's in the shower, Howard. Do you want me to go check?" To be fair, when he and Liz catch Howard after he breaks into his house, attempting to steal his son's Turbo-Man, Ted is rightfully mad, but when Liz asks him to drive her and Jamie to the parade, Ted tells Howard, "You can't bench-press your way out of this one," which is full of so much contempt and jealousy towards him that it's downright infuriating, as if he's pretty much telling him, "Your family is mine now." But fortunately for Howard, Liz isn't that type of woman, and when Ted tries to come on to her at the parade, he gets smashed in the face with his own eggnog. He's further humiliated when he sees Howard dressed up as Turbo-Man and his son tells him he smells like vomit.

Ted's son, Johnny (E.J. De La Pena), does idolize his dad, to the point where he names the reindeer he got for him after him, but he's not as obnoxious and more like just a typical kid. He's friends with Jamie and, while he does get into conflict with him here and there, and acts a little selfish at times (when Howard, as Turbo-Man, points out Jamie to give him the action figure, Johnny thinks he's pointing at him), it's no more than any other kid around that same age. He unintentionally causes Jamie some heartache when he tells him how his dad only started doing the things he does after he and his wife split up, suggesting, "Hey! Maybe your parents should get a divorce. Did wonders for my dad," and is confused when Jamie runs back to his house.

Here's another strike the movie has against it from my point of view: I'm not a fan of James Belushi. I didn't mind him when he co-starred with Arnold in Red Heat but, for the most part, he just doesn't do it for me, and that includes his appearance here as a conman dressed as a Mall Santa. Fortunately, he's only in one section of the movie, so I can tolerate him, although he plays yet another unlikable, seedy character, and is also the center of much of the additional scenes in the "director's cut." Overhearing Howard's need for a Turbo-Man, he tells him where he can get one and talks him into coming with him and his sidekick, Tony the Elf (Danny Woodburn), to a warehouse twenty minutes away from the Mall of America. On the way, he proves to take his racket very seriously, insisting that Howard call him Santa and, when they reach the warehouse, he does a secret knock in the form of Jingle Bells and then gives a password: "Jingle Bell, Batman Smells." When Howard is taken aback by the sheer amount of people dressed as Santa packaging and preparing various toys for shipment inside, and questions whether or not the operation is legit, Santa declares, "Listen, Bub, we provide a service here. We're not doin' this for us; we're doin' it for the kids... For every kid who ever sat down on Santa's lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a present Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys!" But then, he asks Howard for $300 for the Turbo-Man, saying that, even though they're doing it for the kids, "I don't see why we can't pick up a little loose change in the process." That's when Howard discovers that the Turbo-Man figure not only speaks Spanish but also falls apart when he dumps it out of the box, leading to him calling them all out on their scam, which results in a fight where Howard has to take on an enormous man in a Santa suit (Paul Wight, aka The Big Show) and also where a midget Santa (Verne Troyer) gets knocked through the air and into a pile of boxes, much to the big Santa's horror. Fortunately for Howard, the police come and break up the fight, although he then has to pretend to be an undercover detective to keep from being arrested himself.

One person who Howard cannot catch a break with is Officer Hummell (Robert Conrad), whom he first meets while trying to make it to Jamie's karate class by driving on the side of the highway. He pulls Howard over and asks for his license, and doesn't take kindly to him basically telling him to hurry up so he can get going faster. In retaliation, he makes him get out of the car, walk in a straight line while touching his nose, and then recite the alphabet... backwards. He gives Howard a ticket in the end but that's just the beginning of their run-ins. The next day, Howard accidentally backs into his motorcycle while rushing to get to the Mall of America, breaking his mirror and prompting him to write him up again. Later, Hummell runs into him again at the radio station after the disc jockey calls the police on Howard and Myron. When the latter goes for another fake bomb threat after pulling one with the disc jockey, Howard is able to slip away when the cops are forced to lay down their guns and Myron leaves them with the supposed bomb. Hummell, saying he was on the bomb squad for ten years, inspects the package and declares it to be a fake, only for it to blow up in his face and leave him charred like a cartoon character. And it doesn't stop there. At the parade, when Howard gets steamed at the sight of Ted putting the moves on Liz, he rushes towards them, only to slam into Hummell, knocking him to the ground and causing some hot coffee he just bought to fly up into the air and land on him. Having had it up to here with him, Hummell, whose burned hands from the explosion are now bandaged, chases after Howard, slamming into the back of a parked school bus and losing him when he ducks into a storeroom. At the end of the movie, after having seen his heroics and returned Jamie's action figure to him, Hummell tells "Turbo-Man" they could use someone like him on the force, but when he sees it's Howard yet again, he just about faints.

Other notable actors in the film include Martin Mull as the radio disc jockey who announces a contest for a Turbo-Man figure, only for Howard and Myron to nearly pound him when he admits it was actually for a gift certificate; Yeardley Smith as a flirtatious shopper who Howard tries to buy a Turbo-Man off of (she only appears in the director's cut); Curtis Armstrong as the guy inside the Booster costume during the parade; and in the Turbo-Man TV show, Harvey Korman appears as

the abducted President and Richard Moll plays Dementor, Turbo-Man's archenemy. Also, in the director's cut, after Howard's car is stripped, he gets towed home by a woman who shows sympathy for his story but also calls him a pansy when he comes up with a rather emotional way of breaking things to Liz. This woman is played by Marianne Muellerleille, who played the "wrong Sarah Connor" the T-800 mistakenly kills in The Terminator.

One criticism I've read about Brian Levant's direction is that it's just a few notches above that of a sitcom and I can definitely agree with that. Not only is it very formulaic and predictable in the way it unfolds, with the resolution at the end being very schmaltzy and, as another critic pointed, akin to that of an episode of Full House, but the movie is pretty flat and standard in the way it looks and is shot. There are instances where Levant tries really hard to visually stress the comedy of a certain scene, mainly in tight close-ups of Arnold's

horrified face, like when Liz first reminds Howard that she asked him to get a Turbo-Man several weeks before and the camera suddenly pans right over her when she lowers her head as she's brushing her hair (presumably bashing it on the sink counter) and towards him. Right after that, there's a similar shot when they get into bed, she tells him that, by this point, the toys would be sold out, and she turns out the light on the nightstand, as Howard's spotlit face looks right at the camera, his eyes bugging out. Both of these instances come off

as so indicative of 90's comedies that they're more awkward than funny, although I will admit that the close-up of Howard's face when the second package Myron claimed was a bomb turns out to be one and explodes is pretty funny. Levant also makes sure to shoot the episode of the Turbo-Man TV show that opens the film in a very over-the-top, close-up-filled manner, and when Myron appears as Dementor during the climax, he repeats a pan down from his eyes to his mouth as he says, "Ta-ta,

Turbo-Man," as well as various other moments from said episode, which I did think was clever. But, yeah, for the most part, the direction is pretty ho-hum, with predictable montages, an upward-angled shot for when Howard looks down at the floored Myron and says, "Oh, poor baby," and some POV shots for Ted the reindeer. I'm not saying that every movie, especially a family comedy like this, should have amazing camerawork or editing, but this just feels very generic for the most part.

The film had a very healthy budget of $75 million and they made use of it by shooting much of it in its actual setting of Minnesota, in various places like Minneapolis, Saint Paul (which the movie apparently pretends are the same place; never been there myself, so I don't know), Linden Hills, and Edina, Although the insides of the toy and department stores were mostly shot in studios in Los Angeles, they were able to shoot in the actual Mall of America in Bloomington, and they were also able to make unused stores at the 7th Place

Mall in Saint Paul look like stores that were decked out for Christmas. These locations give off the appropriate atmosphere, with the inside of the Mall of America looking very cool and impressive in just how vast and multi-leveled it is, and all of the decorations, bright colors, toys, and Mall Santas help sell that all-important Christmasy vibe, as do the downtown exteriors with the snow on the ground and it clearly being cold. Mickey's Diner serves as the setting of the scene when both

Howard and Myron call a temporary truce in their rivalry, while some neighborhoods in Edina served as the exteriors of Howard and Ted's homes, both of which are quite luxurious and nice on the inside, a clear sign of both men's wealth. The climactic parade scene was shot at Universal Studios Hollywood in California, and it's where the movie's scope reaches its zenith, with an enormous street for the parade to take place on, big crowds of onlookers, numerous costumed characters, and three big floats built for the film. But, as cool as it

is, it's also where the movie loses a bit of its Christmasy feel, as all the bright sunshine and obvious warmth makes it obvious that this isn't Minnesota in the middle of winter (Levant wanted to set this scene at night but they did it during the day to make it easier). Another scene done in California was the counterfeit toy warehouse scene where Howard gets into a brawl with the Santas. That's another scene that shows off the film's large budget, with the enormous size of the warehouse, the dozens and dozens of various Santas and people dressed as elves, long conveyor belts of stuff being prepared for delivery, and even a number of secretaries all dressed up as Mrs. Claus.

Going back to the subject of the film's humor, in the vein of Home Alone and similar 90's family comedies, it is very slapsticky on the whole, with lots of pratfalls and gags, like Howard and Myron knocking each other around, the two of them having to fight their way through crazed crowds, Howard chasing a lottery ball all over the Mall of America, the sheer mayhem he gets into in the warehouse run by the Mall Santa, Ted the reindeer attacking Howard and causing him to nearly burn down Ted's house, and the lunacy that is the climax

at the parade. Being someone who's a fan of slapstick and the first two Home Alone movies, I can get some chuckles out of the stuff here, although none of it has me absolutely laughing my butt off. But, I'd take it over Sinbad's overlong, rambling diatribes in a heartbeat. Like I said before, not only do I not like the character of Myron but I don't think Sinbad is all that funny here. I've never been the biggest fan of him as a comedian anyway, but I've tolerated him in other

things; here, it feels like he's trying way too hard to be funny, like in his introduction, where he's ranting and raving about his job forcing him to shop late, Christmas letters and gifts that are inevitably going to be returned, and all the letters kids send to Santa, then goes on and on about advertising using subliminal messages on kids, his alimony payments to his cheating ex-wife, how any toy you buy breaks as soon as you get it, and how he'd love to kill one of the bigwigs he feels are

behind all this. It's just too much and I wish he would shut the hell up. It's almost as bad when he runs into Howard later and suggests the two of them join forces to get the toy, running down various duos like Starsky and Hutch, Jonny Quest and Hadji, Bonnie and Clyde, Ike and Tina (then corrects himself since Tina left Ike), and when Howard turns him down, he starts ranting about how Howard thinks he's above him, that he's racist, and that's why he doesn't want to join up, while I'm thinking, "No, it's because you're freaking insane and annoying." None of his other rants are quite that egregious but, again, I found Myron to be horribly obnoxious.

As that one critic, Emanuel Levy, noted, Jingle All the Way, for the most part, feels like a big-budget sitcom, with various tropes like an annoying neighbor the main character doesn't like and who also tends to outdo him at everything while also having an unhealthy interest in the protagonist's wife, the main story-line concerning various nutty shenanigans the protagonist gets caught up in, over-the-top supporting characters like Myron, the Mall Santa, and the store clerks who laugh in Howard's face when he proves foolish enough to

actually be looking for a Turbo-Man on Christmas Eve, and the happy-ending where everyone learns their lesson, which is, again, akin to the end of an episode of Full House. Even the most memorable scene, when Ted annoys Howard over the phone by going on about how good Liz's Christmas cookies are, feels like something you'd see in a sitcom (just replace Arnold and Phil Hartman with Kevin James and Jerry Stiller and there you go), as do the scenes meant to convey sympathy when Howard

laments his screw-ups and how he's alienated his family. It's a major reason why the movie comes off as very generic and unoriginal, especially for the time, and while I can deal with it, I can't deny that that observation is true. But I don't agree completely with criticisms about the climax, which people accuse of going into total cartoonish territory, with Howard literally flying around the city and up into the sky with the jetpack meant as part of the Turbo-Man parade costume. I won't

argue that that is totally unbelievable, because it is, but for those who say it flies in the face of what came before, I ask, "Does it really?" While nothing quite that over-the-top happens before, this movie isn't as grounded as it initially seems, with all the wacky characters and situations. And there are cartoonish moments leading up to that finale, like when Verne Troyer gets knocked straight across the warehouse and into a pile of boxes (not to mention that entire scenario of Howard fighting off dozens

of conmen dressed as Santa, some of whom fight like it's a kung fu movie) or when the bomb blows up in Officer Hummell's face, leaving him charred and smoking like a cartoon character who just got blown up. Had those moments not been here, then I could see how jarring the climax would come off, but instead, the movie provides you with a taste of how crazy it's eventually going to get.

The reason why people dislike Jingle All the Way's rampant commercialism and materialistic view of Christmas is very simple: as ugly as it is, it's the truth. I personally don't see those scenes of throngs of people waiting outside stores for them to open, rushing in once they do, tearing the place apart, and almost killing each other to get their hands on the hot item of the season as satire but, rather, as reality. Whether it be for Cabbage Patch Kids, Power Rangers, or Tickle Me Elmo, this has always happened every holiday season during the

stretch from Black Friday to Christmas Day, with numerous incidents of people getting trampled, maced, beaten up, or simply caught up in massive, smothering crowds. And the reason why people hate thinking about this, besides it simply not being a pretty sight, is twofold. One, it shows how, as civilized as we like to think we are, it doesn't take much for us to become a bunch of rabid apes who are willing to kill each other to get what we want. And two, we like to pretend that Christmas is this sacred, wondrous, magical time of year that's all

about love, warmth, families coming together, and such. But while that is part of it, there are darker, more cynical sides to the holiday and one of them is the materialistic side. Christmas is an opportunity to get a bunch of free stuff and that's especially tantalizing when you're a kid who doesn't have any significant money of your own and the only other opportunity to do so is on your birthday. That's also about putting pressure on your parents and family to get you that toy or video

game or whatever it is you want, which leads to them becoming crazy people because they know you'll be disappointed if it's not under the tree come Christmas morning. And, indeed, there are seedy people like the Mall Santa who know all about this and take advantage of it by offering overpriced alternatives that turn out to be worthless garbage.

At the center of the commercialism in the film is Turbo-Man, a TV kids superhero show that is as cheesy, melodramatic, and one-dimensional as you can possibly get. It's meant as a parody of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (which I like seeing get mocked because, as much of a kaiju and tokasatsu fan as you should know I am, I have never been a fan of that franchise) but, really, you could view it as a send-up of any kids action show, live-action or animated. The title character is a big, brawny guy in a red jumpsuit with a big, gold "T" on his torso,

gold gloves, an orange visor on his helmet, and a gold jetpack, and whose weapons are "turbo-discs" he fires from his wrist gauntlets and a "turbo-rang" he deploys from the side of his boot. His catchphrases, which he says in an overly heroic voice, are, "It's Turbo-Time!," and, "You can always count on me!", and going by what Jamie says, he also acts as an Aesop for kids, telling them to keep their promises and such. His sidekick is a pink, bipedal, jetpack-wearing saber-tooth tiger named Booster who gets treated like a real butt-

monkey, as he gets beaten up easily and is seen as a joke by everybody, including people who don't even watch the show (I hate that, too, because I kind of like the way Booster looks). His archenemy is Dementor, a guy in black-and-green spandex with a large helmet that houses his enormous brain and a green cape with big shoulder pads. He has detachable, gloved hands he can shoot off his arms as weapons and a button on his belt allowing him to disappear in a cloud of mist, while his minions are

a team of short henchmen in multi-colored suits and helmets called the Demon Team, who are the most blatant parody of the Power Rangers. And just like Turbo-Man himself, Dementor is total cheese-ball, declaring at the end of the episode that opens the film, "You haven't seen the last of me, Turbo-Man! I'll have my revenge!" As dumb as it looks, you could believe that this show would appeal to young kids, especially given how successful and long-lived Power Rangers was.

The show also serves as a bit of commentary on how marketing works on children, as it's obvious the people behind it know how to sell it. Jamie is not only a big fan who has his heart set on getting the Turbo-Man action figure for Christmas but he's actually memorized every line of the commercial for it, including, "Accessories sold separately. Batteries not included," and is able to quickly run it off to his dad, much to his amazement. You also see various other types of Turbo-Man merchandise, like Turbo-Man cereal and pajamas, which Jamie is

eating and wearing in one scene, as well as action figures of Booster, which nobody wants (I'd take one of those in a heartbeat). And when I see all that, I can fondly remember how excited I would get for merchandise based on the stuff I was into. While I don't really believe Myron's ranting about subliminal imagery in the commercials, I do know it's all emotional manipulation on the part of the companies and manufacturers but I still smile when I think back to those days and how nice life was before I became a cynical adult. Regardless, it's just another example of the movie's disturbingly accurate portrayal of commercialism and consumerism at Christmastime.

But, as much as I can't fault the filmmakers for not being afraid to accurately portray the often ugly truth, I'd be lying if I said there weren't aspects of it I'm not comfortable with. As much as people hate the notion of Howard trying to make things up to Jamie by getting him the Turbo-Man action figure, with the two of them then expressing overwhelming love for each other when he does, I don't because, let's face it, it's easy to get on a kid's good side and have them shower you with affection by offering to get them something they really want.

Plus, it's implied to be just one of several possible ways Howard could've done something special for Jamie and was the first thing he came up with. And I also don't mind Jamie giving Myron the action figure at the end of the movie (again, despite how Myron was chasing after him like a lunatic before), saying he has the real Turbo-Man at home, because, as overly syrupy as it is, he's realized how much his dad really does love him and would do anything for him. But what I don't care for is this notion that someone will fail at life if they don't get

that special toy they wanted as a kid. I'm not talking about Jamie saying that any kid who doesn't get a Turbo-Man is going to be seen as a loser, as that's just how kids are and they grow out of it. Rather, I'm talking about how Myron has resented his own father his entire life for never getting him the toy he always wanted and mentions how another kid he knew who did get it went on to become a billionaire, as if that made all the difference. This, coupled with how, like Jamie,

Myron is able to remember every detail of the commercial for the toy he wanted, causes Howard to imagine Jamie in Myron's place as a "loser with no future," sipping whiskey and saying, "Here's to you, Dad." I know Howard's thinking that because he just had a nasty argument with Jamie, and he shouldn't be listening to someone like Myron anyway, but I hate this notion that materialism actually determines your lot in life. Obviously, any sound-minded adults would know that's not the case, but I hate to think of the impact that might

have on an impressionable kid, not to mention that it partially drives Howard to nearly steal from another kid. And while we're on the subject of Myron, I'm also a bit disturbed by the idea that he's so determined to win his kid's love through commercialism that he goes to the extremes he does, culminating in him chasing after Jamie, knocking over people left and right, and even fighting his father to get the Turbo-Man in his backpack. I get that he just wants to make his son

happy and I'm sure his son wants that toy just as much as Jamie, but is it really worth going to jail for? And I wonder how his son will feel about his dad having been put in jail, even if he did eventually get the toy. His son, whom we never see, might not even be pressuring him to get him the toy as much as he seems to think, which could make his actions all the more senseless.

You wouldn't expect a comedy like this to have much in the effects department but Jingle All the Way, while not very effects heavy, does have a fair amount due to the stuff involving Turbo-Man and the climax. Besides the elaborate outfits for Turbo-Man, Dementor, and the Demon Team, as well as their weapons and gadgets, they also came up with a decent outfit for Booster, which is meant to reflect the cheesy, low budget nature of the TV show but I think it looks kind of cool, with its blinking eyes and wiggling ears. When Howard

goes turbo in order to rescue Jamie, only to fly out of control around the city and up into the sky, you get a fair amount of visual effects work, such as Arnold in the costume in front of a green screen and CGI versions of him for the big long shots. These effects aren't the greatest and haven't aged that well but, fortunately, they're only in this final part of the movie and it doesn't dwell on them. And finally, while a real reindeer was used for the most part, several close-ups of "Ted" made use of a puppet which is quite convincing. It's definitely much truer to real reindeer than the animatronic ones in the Santa Clause movies.

The movie actually starts with Turbo-Man, as he explodes through a rock-wall, followed by Booster, to save the President, the First Lady, and their son, Billy, from the evil Dementor. The villain orders his minions to kill both of them but Turbo-Man does a flip in midair to avoid their laser blasts, lands, and fires his turbo-discs at them. Booster tries to fight them on the ground but doesn't fair as well, getting a kick right in the stomach. Dementor deploys the Demon Team and then takes Billy

hostage personally. Turbo-Man runs towards the platform they're on, punches the leader of the Demon Team, causing them to fall backwards like dominoes, but Dementor then growls, "Ta-ta, Turbo-Man," deploys his glove, which hits the hero in the face, and disappears in a puff of smoke. A countdown on the platform reaches five seconds before "ignition," but Turbo-Man uses his turbo-rang to destroy its wires. The First Lady screams in horror and Turbo-Man turns to see Dementor

standing atop a cliff, dangling Billy over the edge. Turbo-Man deploys his jetpack controls and fires it up, declaring, "It's Turbo Time!" He takes off just as Dementor drops Billy, and it's then revealed that Jamie is watching this on TV in his living room. Turbo-Man catches Billy, Dementor declares that he'll have his revenge before making his exit, and Turbo-Man reunites Billy with his mother and father. The President thanks Turbo-Man and he salutes them, saying, "You can always count on

me." Liz tells Jamie to change for his karate class but he says his dad isn't home yet and comments that he's probably going to miss him getting his belt. Liz assures him that he's probably just working hard, when it cuts to the interiors of Howard's mattress-selling business, where a big Christmas party is in full swing. In his office, Howard is on the phone with one of his customers, while his secretary tries to remind him of Jamie's karate class, which starts in twenty minutes, through cue cards. Howard assures her he'll make

it, only for her to unveil a card which says he said that half an hour ago. He sends her out and tells the man on the phone that he'll deliver him 200 king-sizes by the following Friday, adding, "No problem whatsoever, but only for you, Mr. Jacobs, because you're our number one customer." He then takes a series of calls, agreeing to all the orders and favors and telling every person that they're his number one customer. But then, he gets a call from Liz and, while he says he remembers Jamie's karate class and insists he'll be there, all while signing a

contract, he then makes the mistake of saying she's his number one customer, aggravating her and prompting her to hang up. Realizing he needs to go, Howard heads out, his secretary helping him with his coat. He keeps insisting he's going to make it but she has doubts.

Howard rushes down the street and towards the highway in his Chevrolet Suburban, only to find himself in a massive traffic snarl-up; at that time, Jamie's karate class begins and Liz and Ted are in attendance, as the latter's son, Johnny, is in the class as well. It's very slow-going for Howard, until he decides to cut ahead by driving on the side of the highway. Again, he's confident he's going to make it, until a motorcycle cop gets after him and pulls him over. The cop, Officer Hummell, asks for

his license and registration, but when Howard tells him he's in a hurry, he doesn't take kindly to that, saying, "Oh, I do apologize if I've caused you some sort of delay. How thoughtless of me. Because the last thing I want on my conscience right now is for a private citizen to somehow be disappointed in the performance of my duty." He forces Howard to get out of his car, while at the school, Johnny earns his purple belt by chopping a block of wood. And as Howard is forced through various sobriety tests,

Jamie earns his purple belt the same way, but is disappointed when he sees his father isn't in the bleachers and looks back at the gym's entrance, though he knows he isn't going to show up. Some time later, Howard finally makes it to the school and rushes inside and to the gym, only to see it empty, save for the janitor as he sweeps up. He dejectedly murmurs, "I didn't make it," and drives home. He's then annoyed to find Ted on his roof, putting up Christmas lights, which he then plugs in.

He also tells Howard that he got the entire karate class on videotape, much to his further annoyance. Once inside, Howard, after telling Liz of the traffic and the speeding ticket, tries to talk to Jamie, who's watching TV in the living room. Jamie glares at him and turns back to the TV, just as it starts playing the commercial for the Turbo-Man action figure. He runs upstairs to his room when Howard brings up the karate class, with his father following him, trying to explain what happened. He slams his room's door in his face but that doesn't deter

Howard, who cautiously walks in. Jamie ignores him, sitting on his bed, looking at a Turbo-Man comic book, as Howard tries to get on his good side by talking about his karate and playing around with his purple belt, tying it around his head and making ridiculous kung fu moves and sounds. That only annoys Jamie, prompting him to go to his desk and start drawing a picture of him with Turbo-Man, leading into Howard admitting his mistake and promising to get him the Turbo-Man action figure for Christmas, only to later learn from Liz what a pickle he's just gotten himself into with that promise.

Come Christmas Eve, Howard gets out of the house, telling Liz he has to pick up the Turbo-Man action figure at the office, as well as promising Jamie that he'll be there to attend the Holiday Wintertainment Parade with them. On his way to his car outside, he's nearly run down by a reindeer being led by Ted, who manages to stop him in time. Ted says the reindeer is meant as a surprise for Johnny, but that he's planning on taking him to a nearby park and letting him loose after

Christmas, hoping the deer there will take him in. Howard tries to pet the reindeer but he snaps at him, to which Ted comments, holding him back, "That's odd. Reindeer are usually such gentle animals. Must be something about you he doesn't like. Aftershave or something." Howard climbs into his Suburban, with Ted rubbing it in his face that he's waiting until the last minute to pick up a Christmas present and tells him in a very smarmy voice that he got a Turbo-Man for Johnny months

ago. He also suggests wrapping chains around his tires in case it gets icy later, to which Howard grumbles, "Maybe I should wrap some chains around you." He drives off, as Ted leads the reindeer to his house. Howard drives into the city and finds a large crowd gathered outside a toy store. He pushes through them to see one of the clerks right inside twirling the keys and indicating that he's not going to open up until 9:00, despite that being only two minutes away. The angry

crowd forces him back, where he stands in front of Myron Larabee, who introduces himself and proves to be quite talkative and, as he goes on, angry and unhinged. "See, I have to shop late because it's the busiest time of the year for me, all these 'important' Christmas letters that people send to folks they don't even talk to but once a year, not to mention relatives sending presents they're going to have to send back anyway. How many toiletry kits does a man need? And how about those little, stupid letters from kids to Santa at the North Pole?!

'Dear Santa, could you send me a bike and a slinky?' No! Your father's been laid off! And as if I didn't have enough pressure in my life, my son sends me out for some like, goofy-butt toy, some fruity robot named Turtle Man." After Howard corrects him and tells him his son wants a Turbo-Man as well, Myron goes on, "We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels!... You got these big fat cats sit there, using working class just like me and you. They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisement, and then they sit there and use

subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talking about, 'cause I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology, so I'm right in there. I know what's goin' on! And then, they sit there and make a kid feel like garbage and you, the father, who's working 24/7, delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office but me! And then, when you get the toy it breaks and you can't fix it because it's little, cheap plastic! Know what I'd like

to do? I'd like to walk up in that office, grab one of those guys, and just choke him and choke him until an eye pops out!" He gets so work up that he grabs a random woman and starts choking her, before realizing what he's doing, ass everyone stares at him, wondering what his problem is. He lets go of the woman, telling her, "You shouldn't wear fur."

The store then opens and everyone rushes in at once, with the man who had the keys getting totally trampled, with shoe-prints left on his face. Myron tries to get ahead of everybody, running down an aisle to his right, knocking down a guy attempting to reach the top shelf and causing him to pull the whole thing down on him. He and Howard reach the hub with the display cases of the Turbo-Man action figures, only to find they're all gone. Howard asks a passing clerk if they have any more

in the back, only for the man to laugh in his face. He then gets another clerk to join in the laughing, the two of them prompt a woman with a Booster doll to do the same, and soon, everyone in the store is laughing at both him and Myron. The first clerk mocks them for not knowing what a popular toy the action figure is, and he and the other clerk then try to push a Booster doll on them. Having had enough, Howard grabs hold of them both and snarls, "Where is your Christmas spirit?",

prompting them both to stop and smile (why would you ever mock someone as big as Arnold?). He then puts them down and insists there must be another Turbo-Man there somewhere. They tell him the last one just left, having been bought by a short woman in a fur coat, but just as he goes to find her, Myron whacks him with his mailbag, causing him to crash through a display of Booster dolls. Irked at this, and spying a kid sitting on the floor, playing with a remote-controlled car, Howard takes the controls, declaring, "This is war."

He has the car run after Myron, causing him to slip and fly up into the air, landing on his back. Howard exclaims, "Yeah!", and rushes to the door, passing by Myron and mocking, "Oh, poor baby." When he runs out of the store, you have the extra scene in the director's cut where he stops Yeardley Smith, thinking she's the woman he's looking for, and pays her for the toy, only to take the bag and find it's Booster. He then sees that the woman who actually has the Turbo-Man is driving away with it in the back of her car and he rushes after her, yelling that he needs the toy. Thinking he's a nut who's planning to rob her, she quickly speeds away, leaving him standing in the street, empty-handed.

Thus begins a montage of Howard driving around, desperately trying to find a Turbo-Man, as clerks either laugh at him or offer him toys of Booster and Dementor, while he's constantly greeted by "SOLD OUT" signs and rows and rows of toys of everything but Turbo-Man. He also sees advertisements for Turbo-Man everywhere, including a theater marquee that reads "TURBO-MAN: THE MOTION PICTURE," and gets so frustrated that he punches a saluting Turbo-Man

display, which rocks back and hits him in the back of the head. Enraged, he tears it apart, as everyone else in the store looks at him with horrified expressions, only to quickly go back to their business when he looks at them while sweating and panting like a maniac. Meanwhile, at the Langston household, Ted has Johnny over to play with Jamie while he obviously hits on Liz, who's backing cookies. He suggests she have some time for herself and take a hot shower, while he sees to the cookies

and the boys. That's when he takes off her apron from behind, enjoying every second of it, and sends her upstairs, only to grab a hot sugar cookie and yell at the boys to pipe down. That's when Howard calls the house, attempting to talk to Liz, only to get Ted instead and have a very frustrating conversation with him as he gushes about how awesome Liz's cookies are and assures him that everything's under control since he's there. After getting hung up on, Howard storms away from the payphone, only to run into Myron again.

Apologizing for what he did to him before, Myron suggests the two of them team up, but Howard tells him he'd rather do things alone. Myron takes this as Howard thinking he's better than him, spinning it around to being racism, and Howard is about to say something, when a guy rushes by them, telling them a store got a late delivery of Turbo-Mans. They both run for their respective vehicles excitedly, but Myron slips slightly on a patch of ice and tries to get in his mail-truck, only to have difficulty closing the door with his bag and then

with getting the truck started. Howard has no problem starting his Suburban, but he backs into a police motorcycle, knocking it over. Frustrated, he gets out and, with no one around, tries to get it back up, only for its mirror to fall off. Moreover, its owner, who just happens to be Officer Hummell, comes out of a cafe and drops his coffee in shock. Staring at Howard, he says, "You broke my little mirror," and, like before, asks him for his license. Myron drives by behind Howard, stopping and mocking, "Is there a problem, officer?", before going on.

Despite this holdup, Howard makes it to the Mall of America and heads to a toy-store, where a massive crowd has gathered right inside. A man on a toy microphone informs the crowd that they have received a small quantity of Turbo-Man action figures, much to the delight of the crowd, which includes Myron. He turns and sees Howard in the back and they roll their eyes at each other. The man on the microphone orders the shoppers to form a line so they can each be handed a numbered ball

which will be drawn like a lottery. Of course, instead of doing so orderly, the people crowd up to the clerks with the balls, grabbing at them. The man also tells them that, "In accordance with the laws of supply and demand," the price for each figure doubled, enraging the crowd and whipping them up into a fury as they surge to the clerks, trying to get the balls. Overwhelmed by this, the clerks fling the balls up into the air. Both Howard and Myron jump to catch one in midair, only to

miss them as they rain down. Mayhem breaks out as everyone scrambles to grab a ball, flailing around on the floor and attacking each other to get one, while the guy with the microphone gets trampled and other customers get flung into shelves and toy displays as people try to catch balls that went down into the store. Both Howard and Myron get caught up in the madness, with Myron getting a ball in his mouth, only for a woman to force him to spit it out, while Howard grabs a ball

but another woman bites his hand! He jumps out of the mass of craziness, trying to get a ball, and does grab a yellow one, only for Myron to crawl up, mace him, and take it. Myron stands across from Howard and mocks him, but Howard turns the tables by yelling, "He got two!" This sics the crowd on Myron, who tries to run for it but gets grabbed from behind and drops the ball. It goes bouncing down the hall from the toy store, with Howard chasing after it, while Myron yells, "It's my ball! Rodney King! Rodney King!" Howard

chases the ball down an escalator, pushing past various bystanders, and then jumps over the railing and lands on top of a piano. Spotting the ball, he chases it through a Lego section, smashing through some constructions kids have made, and jumps for it, only for it to fall over the edge of the floor he's on. He sees it land in the stroller of a little girl, who picks it up. He follows the girl as her mother takes her to a play area and chases her into the area, banging his head on the low-hanging arches, jumping over a kid on a small bridge, crawling

though the small tube tunnels and pushing his way past another kid coming from the opposite direction, and sliding down into a pit of colored balls. Popping up, he sees the little girl in front of him and offers to trade the numbered ball with a red one. She shakes her head and puts the ball in her mouth. Panicking, he lunges at her and grabs her face, only to get smacked in the head by the mother's handbag. Calling him a pervert, she takes her kid and walks off with her, as Howard stumbles for her, yelling, "I need that toy!" The other moms proceed to beat on him, forcing him from the play area, as he tries to explain himself.

Once he gets away from them, he yells, "I'm not a pervert! I just was looking for a Turbo-Man doll." That catches the attention of a nearby Mall Santa, who asks him if he wants one. He has Tony the Elf show him a picture of himself holding a Turbo-Man action figure, saying it was taken that morning. Despite Howard's skepticism, the Santa insists that if he has the money, they have the doll, but Santa doesn't deliver in broad daylight. The three of them then drive out of the city, and in the

director's cut, there's a bit inside the Suburban where Howard complains about how long it's taking to get to where they're going and frets about what Ted is up to back at the house, while the Mall Santa insists on being treated like the real Santa Claus. He also scolds Howard for yelling at Tony to not touch the leather upholstery. He tells Howard to make a right and they go through a gate manned by a guard with a Santa beard and hat who has a German shepherd with fake reindeer horns on.

They drive up to a warehouse, get out of the car, and walk up to a door with a slat on it. The Mall Santa knocks on it to the rhythm of Jingle Bells and gives the password, allowing them in. Inside, Howard is completely flabbergasted by what he sees, with all the different Santas handling and packaging various toys. The Mall Santa sends Tony to get the Turbo-Man, as he explains to Howard the "service" they provide, and in the director's cut, he and the other Santas sing a song called The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot (in the theatrical version, you

hear him sing it in the car on the way to the warehouse). Tony returns with the Turbo-Man, which is gift-wrapped, and after paying the $300 for it, Howard rips off the packaging, ignoring the Mall Santa trying to stop him. The figure does say one of Turbo-Man's catchphrases, only in Spanish (Santa claims it's the "multilingual version"), and when Howard opens the box up, the head and arm tumble out. Howard glares at Santa, who tries to explain that there's "some assembly required," and demands his money back, but Santa says all sales are final.

Howard calls them all out on what they are, "Nothing but a bunch of sleazy conmen in red suits." This doesn't sit with the Mall Santa or the Santas behind him, and when he asks Howard to repeat himself, he goes on to say, "You heard me right: conmen, thieves, degenerates, lowlifes, thugs, criminals!" As all the other Santas close in on Howard upon hearing that, the Mall Santa crumples up the paper cup he was drinking from, declaring, "Around the North Pole, them are

fightin' words, partner. Put 'em up." Howard has no interest in getting in a fight with Santa, but when the man starts mocking him, calling him a chicken and clucking, Howard grabs his beard, yanks it back, and lets it go, the recoil knocking him backwards and causing him to roll right over his head and hit the back of it on a pole. He yells, "Get him!", before falling flat on the floor. Another Santa comes bounding at him, making kung fu noises and breaking out candy-cane nunchucks, backing

Howard up, only for him to grab a big, plastic candy-cane and clobber him, knocking him back into the others. Another Santa charges at him but Howard hits him in the back, sending him into a pair of guys dressed as elves, and then clocks four in a row on the chin with the cane. He laughs mockingly, only to then be faced with an enormous Santa who takes his coat off to reveal himself to be just as muscular as he is tall. He approaches Howard, rubbing his suspenders, telling him, "I'm gonna deck your halls, Bub." Howard smacks him

with the cane, only for it to snap in half, and then goes for a punch, which he catches before bending his hand back and hitting him with an uppercut that sends Howard flying back onto some stuffed animals wrapped in plastic. A midget Santa puts him in a headlock with his stubby legs, while the giant Santa stomps over and pulls him up to his feet. As the midget pulls at his hair, the giant pulls back for a punch, only for Howard to duck at the last minute, sending the midget flying across the warehouse and into a pile of boxed in the back.

The giant Santa moans, "Little buddy!", giving Howard the opportunity to whack him. Another Santa charges but Howard grabs him and throws him into the stuffed animals. He asks who's next, when Tony pulls out a taser and shocks him in the rear. The other Santas all gang up and dogpile him onto the floor, when the police suddenly show up, smashing down the door with a battering ram and rushing into the heart of the warehouse while in riot gear.

Tony yells, "It's the Grinch! Scatter!", as the police start rounding up the conmen and force them outside in a line (one cop has a problem getting a hold of the midget Santa, who runs under a conveyor, causing him to knock himself out). A detective who enters the warehouse spots Howard and demands to know who he is. Thinking fast, Howard grabs a toy police badge from a bin and tells the detective, "This must be the sloppiest bust I've ever seen in my entire career of the force." He

quickly flashes the badge, calling himself, "Detective Howard Lang, undercover," and goes on to say, "I have been working on this case for the last three years, and you guys come barging in here like a bunch of terrorists at a tea party! Wait till the Commissioner finds out about this. He is going to hit the roof!" He orders the now thoroughly convinced and terrified detective, "Now get your act together and arrest someone. Go!" He heads outside, telling the cops to put the criminals in a

van and lock them up. He then heads back to the city, when his Suburban runs out of gas while he's crossing a bridge, forcing him to push it until he reaches Mickey's Diner (or Dining Car, as it says on the sign). Back in his neighborhood, everyone's having fun with the reindeer Ted bought for Johnny, which leads into Jamie picking up the phone in his house when Howard calls. He asks to speak to Liz, only to be surprised when Jamie tells him, "She's next door, pettin' Ted," (the reindeer). Howard then becomes frustrated when Jamie repeatedly asks him about keeping his promises and mentions Turbo-Man, causing him to snap and yell at him, which Jamie scolds him for before slamming the phone down and leaving Howard feeling like crap.

He has some coffee laced with liquor with Myron, having a heart-to-heart with him about how they've both screwed up trying to get their sons that action figure, when they hear a radio announcement about a contest where the first person to call into KQRS and name all of Santa's reindeer will get one. Hearing the number, both of them run for the payphone, with Howard managing to reach it first, slamming Myron's hand in the door. He puts in a coin and dials, as Myron tries to get in and grab the phone, only for Howard to bash him over the head

with the receiver and put his hand on his face to keep him at bay. Someone picks up on the other end and Howard is about to recite the reindeer, when Myron reaches in and rips out the receiver. Enraged, Howard grabs him and bashes the back of his head repeatedly on one of the tables, when the bartender tells them that the radio station is just two blocks down. The two of them rush for the door, getting jammed in the middle of it, and when they rush out, Myron knocks Howard over some newspaper vendors. However, he's not in the lead

for too long, as Howard, who's more fit and not weighed down by a heavy mailbag, jogs past him, repeatedly reciting the names of the reindeer. Myron throws out various letters and also hurls a package at Howard, but nothing slows him down, as he reaches the radio station and heads inside. He takes the elevator up to the booth where the DJ hosting the contest is and pounds on his window, fanatically telling him he has the answer. He runs to the door and tries to open it, freaking him out and prompting him to call the cops. Howard kicks

the door open, smashing the glass, and the DJ yells, "Help me!", over the phone. He rushes at the DJ, quickly names off the reindeer, and asks if he won, before getting excited and pulling the man in a bear hug. Myron shows up and, when Howard tells him he's too late, he pulls out a small package which he says contains a homemade bomb, explaining that they come through the mail all the time and he kept one just in case. The DJ takes cover behind his rolling chair as Myron demands a doll in exchange

for not blowing the place up. Howard tries to talk Myron down but he isn't having it, yelling, "I am not your buddy! I tried to be your teammate! I wanted to be your friend! But no. You had other plans for Myron Larabee!... You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!" The DJ snickers at this, sending Myron on another rant, saying, "I know your kind! You're the kind that puts the trash can in

front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my Jeep don't you?!" In his ranting, he tosses the package up into the air and both Howard and the DJ take cover. But,when the box hits the floor, the only sound it makes is that of a music box playing Jingle Bells, which it turns out to be when Howard opens it up.

While the DJ breathes a sigh of relief, Howard gets up, pushes Myron against the wall, and prepares to bash his head in, when the DJ explains that he doesn't have a Turbo-Man at the studio, as the contest is actually for a gift certificate. Both Howard and Myron are about to pound him, when they hear the sound of the police pulling up outside. Myron throws Howard into the shelves containing the cassettes and runs out the door. Howard chases him to the elevators, which open all at once to reveal a bunch of cops who point their weapons

at Myron. Howard backs out and tries to flee through the stairs, only to run into Officer Hummell, who draws his weapon and says, "Just can't stay out of trouble, can you?" He walks him back to where Myron is, as he yanks out another box and claims it to be a bomb. He makes the cops, including Hummell, whom he calls "Barnaby Jones," lower their weapons to the floor. Howard makes a run for it out the back while Myron puts the box on the floor and takes an elevator, saying

he'll know if they move because, "I have the ears of a snake!" Once he's gone, Hummell approaches the package, picks it up, smells it, and then listens to it and shakes it, horrifying the other officers. Both Howard and Myron make it out of the building as Hummell declares the package a fake and prepares to open it... only for an explosion to then rock the building, causing both Howard and Myron to stop in their tracks. The latter comments, "Was that really a bomb? This is a sick world we're livin' in! Sick people!", while upstairs, Hummell, charred and smoking from the explosion, keels over. Meanwhile, Howard makes it back to his Suburban at the diner, only to find it's been totally stripped, with graffiti sprayed on the windshield.

Arriving home thanks to a tow-truck, Howard gets out and heads for his house, only to see Ted putting the star on his Christmas tree. While Liz stops him, saying it's Howard's thing, Howard becomes enraged at the sight of this and is about to head in and give Ted what for, when he remembers him saying there's a Turbo-Man for Johnny sitting underneath his Christmas tree. Now intent on some payback, he uses a credit card to unlock Ted's front door and get inside his house. In the living room, he sees the package containing the Turbo-Man,

which he recognizes due to the wrapping paper, sitting under the tree and takes it. A group of carolers out front keep him from going back out that way, so he heads for the back door, while Ted and Liz stand outside, listening to the singing, with Ted putting his arm around Liz's shoulders, much to her annoyance. Howard makes it out the back door, but when he sees the sticker on the present and sees that Ted wrote, "To Johnny, FROM YOUR LOVING FATHER," he realizes he can't bring himself to steal from a child and decides

to put it back. But then, Ted the reindeer spots him and snorts at him in a threatening manner while scraping the ground with his hooves. With a snarl, he chases him through the door and into the house. He runs into the living room and accidentally knocks over a plastic figure, knocking the head into the fireplace, before knocking a life-size Santa into the Christmas tree. He runs into the dining room, ducks around the door, and when Ted runs in, Howard closes the twin doors just as he tries to get at him with his antlers. Howard goes to put the

present back under the tree, when the smoke alarm goes off, causing him to see the burning decoration in the fireplace. He kicks it out and tries to smack out the fire with a stocking, only managing to send toys flying. The fire only spreads a bit to the floor and the rug and Howard kicks the head, only for it to go through the window, sending the carolers running off, screaming. Howard stomps at the fire on the rug, while Ted and Liz come running. Ted puts out the burning decoration, while Liz spots

Howard in the house. He sheepishly waves and says, "Hi," and as she comes running in, he realizes he still hasn't put the fire out and stomps on it some more. Ted and Liz rush in, catch Howard red-handed, and Liz decides to go to the parade with Jamie, asking Ted to drive them. Just as they leave, the reindeer bursts out of the dining room and charges at Howard. He tells him, "You picked the wrong day," and lays him out on the floor. Ted audibly moans and Howard comments, "You started it."

His family leaves for the parade, with Liz telling Jamie his father probably won't be there, while Johnny assures him that Turbo-Man will, adding, "You can always count on him." Back at the houses, Howard is hitting the booze along with Ted the reindeer, who belches after lapping up a lot of beer. He's about to crack open another bottle, when he looks inside the small shed the two of them are in front of and sees an old drawing Jamie once did, akin to the one he was doing earlier with Turbo-Man, only with Howard in the hero's place.

He then pours the rest of the beer into Ted's water dish and decides to keep his promise and be at the parade. Said parade has just begun downtown, with lots of cool floats and costumed characters heading down the street, as two news anchors in a booth comment on it in a very cheesy manner. Howard's family arrives and they let the kids out to join another kid with his dad in the crowd while Ted and Liz park the car. Jamie and Johnny make their way to their spot and marvel at all the characters, such as Dr. Seuss characters, Snoopy, Gumby,

Ninja Turtles, Hello Kitty, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Madeline, among many, many others. Howard takes a taxi cab to the parade, only to get caught up in a massive jam, prompting him to just pay the cabbie and get out and run. As Ted and Liz park, he offers her some "nonalcoholic" eggnog, which she turns down, only for him to insist and then come onto her, saying, "You deserve better, Lizzie... Someone you can talk to. A shoulder to cry on." He says the latter as he plants her head on his right

shoulder, and as Howard makes his way through the parade preparations in the back, Ted goes on how they, "Can't hide our feelings any longer," adding, "You know, Liz, I don't have to tell you I'm a very eligible bachelor. There are lots of women who would give anything to be in your position right now." As he starts stroking her shoulder, talking about when he first started getting the hots for her, Howard reaches the parking lot and sees this. Now thoroughly enraged, he's about to go

over there and beat Ted senseless, when he has the major misfortune of running into Officer Hummell yet again, knocking him down and causing hot coffee to spill all over him. Howard runs as soon as Hummell recognizes him and chases him. Ted is about to seal the deal, when Liz bashes him in the side of the head with his thermos full of eggnog and gets out of the car. With his glasses broken and eggnog splattered on his face, he mumbles, "Well, that didn't exactly go as well as I'd hoped."

Hummell chases Howard among some parked school-buses in the back of the buildings, finding it hard to cut him off because he's on the other side of a long line of them, and he even slams into the back of one. Howard runs into the area where various performers are preparing and ducks inside of a building to elude Hummell. Hummell does peak inside the storeroom Howard is hiding in but then heads back out. Howard breathes a sigh of relief, when a man suddenly comes up to him, asks if he's "the guy," and pulls him into the middle of

the room, rattling off numerous instructions while some others remove his clothes and pull a costume onto him. Howard is unable to get a word in, as the man then tells him that what happened to the man whose place he's taking was a complete freak accident, adding that he actually showed some "brain activity" that morning. He's given a thumbs up and moved over to a platform where a smoking man in a Booster costume tells him, "Where the hell have you been? Jeez, I've been sweatin' like a dog in a Chinese restaurant waitin' for your sorry

ass to show up!" He then tosses away his cigarette and puts on his head, declaring, "It's showtime!" The platform he's standing on rises up, while Howard is pushed onto another one that then rises. Before he knows it, he finds himself on a parade float with Booster, and realizes he's dressed up as Turbo-Man. At first shocked, he then becomes amazed and, when prompted by Booster, starts waving to the crowd and really gets into it, remarking how cool it is. He starts doing the

Turbo-Man salute and, seeing Jamie in the audience, does it to him and gets it returned. The newscasters then announce that Turbo-Man will now select a child from the audience who will take home a special edition Turbo-Man doll. Howard is so into the parade that he doesn't notice the doll come up through the float's floor until Booster hands it to him. He's overjoyed to finally have this coveted toy in his hands, actually hugging it and holding it up in the air, yelling, "Yes! Yes!" He

goes back to saluting and waving, while Booster tells him that Dementor is going to jump on the float soon. Up on a rooftop, the man playing Dementor is taking a smoke break while waiting for his cue, when he's suddenly grabbed from behind. Booster then tells Howard to pick a kid to come up and collect the action figure. Howard scans the crowd, spots Jamie, and picks him out. Johnny thinks he's pointing at him at first, leading to an argument between the kids, but then, Howard

says Jamie's name, amazing him that his hero apparently knows who he is. While a certain someone puts on the Dementor costume, Jamie is beckoned up onto the float and is presented with the toy, Howard saying, "Merry Christmas, Jamie." The audience applauds and Booster apparently sheds a tear. Jamie asks "Turbo-Man" how he knew his name, and Howard is about to reveal himself...

...when a grappling line snags a street sign and Myron, dressed as Dementor, rides down to the float, landing in front of them while being booed by the crowd. Myron gives them an "up yours" gesture for that, perplexing the newscasters, then demands Jamie give him the doll. Recognizing him, Howard puts the doll in Jamie's backpack, as he stomps up to him and tells him he's not going home without that doll. Booster tries to scold "Dementor" that he's not doing things the way they rehearsed it but Myron, telling him no one likes

him, uppercuts him off the float, where he's promptly beaten on by a bunch of kids who share Myron's sentiment. Jame tries to run off the float but Myron chases him down and grabs him, holding him up and trying to get the doll out of his backpack. Howard goes to stop him, when Myron says, "Ta-ta, Turtle Man," and fires one of his gloves, hitting him in the face and knocking him down. When it returns to him, he thumbs his nose at Howard, while Jamie struggles to get free. Howard gets back up as Jamie tells him to use his

turbo-discs, and he figures out how to use the controls built into the suit's arms. Telling Myron, "I have a special delivery for you," he fires multiple discs at him, pelting and knocking him back. Jamie yells out a happy, "Yeah!", and Howard does a triumphant jig, but just as he's about to take him back to his mom, the Demon Team pops out of the float behind him, grabbing him and sending Jamie running in a panic. Myron faces him, but Jamie kicks him in the nards, causing him to let out some

very high-pitched, pained groans, as Jamie runs between his legs and off the float. The Demon Team starts pounding on Howard, criticizing him for not knowing the choreography, while Myron chases Jamie through the characters and musicians in the street, knocking over a man dressed as a Christmas present. Howard manages to knee two of the Demon Team off him and slams another two's heads together, while Myron chases Jamie into the crowd, up some stairs, and up a ladder leading to a

rooftop. Liz runs after Jamie, trying to help him, and tells a police officer that her son isn't part of the show. On the float, Howard picks up one of the Demon Team and tosses him into the others, then sees Myron chasing Jamie across the rooftop. Jamie is cornered but refuses to give up the doll, climbing up onto a Christmas tree decoration on the edge of the roof, as Howard watches helplessly from the street.

The female newscaster tells him to fly with his jetpack and Howard promptly figures out how to engage it, then presses the ignition, declaring, "It's Turbo-Time!" He then rockets up into the air, spiraling madly up into the sky, and manages to cut the power, only to realize he did so while he's hundreds of feet above the ground. He fells back, yelling, then reactivates the jetpack and flies around the city as if he were the Rocketeer, flying up one side of a building and down the other, around another, and heads back to the parade. He

flies at Jamie on the faux Christmas tree and tries to grab his hand but misses and flies past him, angling down into the street and flying amongst all the performers and onlookers. He heads up, crashes into a banner, his head pushing through it, and one of the banner's lines snaps, as he spins quickly around the other pole it was tied to, getting nauseous and gagging as a result. He finally gets free, blasts through the top of a small tree, with his jetpack igniting the bare branches, and crashes through the window in an apartment building,

flying through a family's dining room just as they join hands to pray before Christmas dinner, and blasting out the window across from them. He then heads for another building and smacks into its brick wall headfirst, his jetpack vibrating his helmet against it, before he goes straight down in front of it. He kills the jetpack and lands roughly on his back, while up on the building, Myron reaches Jamie. However, their combined weight causes the cables anchoring the decoration to snap and it falls forward with the two of them, leaving

them dangling far above the ground, with Myron blubbering as ornaments fall off and smash on the pavement below. Despite this, he reaches for the toy inside Jamie's backpack, while on the ground, Howard gets to his feet and sees what's going on. Jamie yells for him to use his turbo-rang and Howard pulls it from his boot and flings it at Myron. He manages to dodge it, then takes the doll out of Jamie's backpack and holds it, yelling, "Victory is mine!" But then, the turbo-rang comes

back around and knocks him in the head, causing him to fall and land on a large but soft present below him. The turbo-rang returns to Howard, much to his amazement, and while Myron still celebrates finally having the doll, he's then surrounded by police, who pull their guns on him. Jamie loses his grip and falls, but Howard takes off and catches him. As they fly up, he tells him, "Thanks, Turbo-Man. I knew you'd save me," and Howard, naturally, answers, "You can always count on me." The two of them fly around and back down to the parade, where Howard lands in front of Liz and puts him down.

Jamie runs excitedly to his mom, telling her how awesome it was, only to then become sad that his father didn't see him. That's when Howard takes off his helmet, revealing himself, much to Jamie and Liz's surprise, and declares his love for his family, while Ted, who I guess was nursing a bruised ego this whole time, finally shows up, only to be horrified when he sees Howard dressed up as a Turbo-Man. Officer Hummell brings Jamie his action figure and salutes Turbo-Man, saying, "We could use a man like you on the force," only to

nearly pass out when he turns around and sees that he's Howard, who proceeds to apologize for all the injuries and mishaps he caused him. That's when Jamie gives Myron the action figure, declaring that he has the real Turbo-Man at home, and the crowd starts chanting, "Turbo-Man!" They pick Howard up and carry him along, with both Liz and Jamie proudly proclaiming him to be their husband and father, and even Myron smiles at him. In the theatrical version, there's a post-credits scene where Howard is putting the star on the Christmas tree at home, only to be horrified yet again when Liz asks him what he got her, but in the director's cut, this scene comes right before the ending credits.

While I can remember the various Christmas songs heard on the movie's soundtrack, the actual score, by David Newman, is kind of so-so, being one of those scores that I've described in the past as good in the moment but not exactly memorable. It hits all the right notes, being big, rousing, and heroic whenever Turbo-Man is involved, soft and poignant when there are sad moments between Howard and his family, over-the-top and insane during the movie's crazier moments, naughty-sounding for certain scenes, and music that's of that familiar warm, saccharine feel during the happy moments. Again, it's not bad music and it does its job, but it's just not amazing and the Christmas songs stick with me more. A lot of them are used just as background music, like when you hear Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree at the office party during the opening, Run, Rudolph, Run during a breakfast scene, Sleigh Ride when Howard first arrives at the toy store, and such, but some of them do have thematic significance. During the montage when Howard drives from toy store to toy store, you hear Jingle Bells by the Brian Setzer Orchestra, speaking to how he's being run ragged and getting progressively frustrated the more he has to search for the action figure (in the director's cut, it's Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire, which doesn't fit with the pace of the scene). It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Johnny Mathis plays when Howard and Myron get caught up in the crazy shoppers trying to kill each other to get a hold of the lottery balls for the action figure, acting as a hilariously perfect counter-balance to the uncharitable way they're all acting. And I'll Be Home for Christmas by Frank Sinatra plays when he runs out of gas and is forced to push his Suburban all the way into the city, alluding to how it's keeping him from fulfilling his promise to get back home in time to join his family for the parade.

Jingle All the Way may not be everyone's idea of a Christmas classic (it's not mine, for instance) but, if you can accept it for what it is, it is enjoyable. Arnold Schwarzenegger is fun and charming, there are a number of fairly funny moments throughout, you can tell that the movie had a fairly big budget to work with, there's a lot of good location work in Minnesota, there are plenty of scenes and images that invoke that spirit of Christmas, the depiction of Christmas' commercialized side, despite how much people may hate it, is hardly that far removed from real life, the character of Turbo-Man is a memorable one, the movie has some decent enough visual effects here and there, and there are plenty of recognizable Christmas songs on the soundtrack, as well as an okay music score. However, there are a number of obnoxious and unlikable supporting characters who you might not find tolerable, even if you do like the actors who play them, the focus on materialism does get to be a bit much after a while and it takes some questionable turns, and the movie, overall, is kind of bland and predictable in how it looks and plays out, feeling a lot like a theatrical sitcom episode. It's not one of my absolute favorite Christmas or Arnold movies but it's harmless and enjoyable enough, and is a rare example of an Arnold film you can watch with your whole family, so I'd recommend checking it out for the holidays. (And before anyone asks, no, I am not reviewing the sequel with Larry the Cable Guy. You have not earned that kind of commitment from me.)