Franchises: Star Wars. Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

If The Phantom Menace weakened everyone's faith in the Star Wars prequels, Attack of the Clones killed it. After this movie, the opinion that everybody had was unanimous: "Alright, I'm done. Star Wars is no longer magical and George Lucas, you are dead to me." Even though the film was another great financial success, it has the distinction of being the first Star Wars film that wasn't the highest grossing movie, either domestically or internationally, of the year it was released, being out-grossed in North America by Spider-Man and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and, worldwide, by Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. At the time, it really seemed like this was the Star Wars film that no one was interested in and the same went for me as well, although it wasn't because I hated The Phantom Menace (if you read my review of that film, you'd know that I really enjoyed it in the theater). By the time Attack of the Clones came out, my tastes had changed and I was deep into high school, so I had more important things to worry about. As a result, I never saw the film in theaters and the TV spots I saw for it didn't pique my interest either. I was just like, "Oh, Anakin is a young man now and Yoda is fully CGI and able to take part in lightsaber battles. Huh." I was as indifferent about it as you could get. By the time I got around to watching it on DVD in 2006, I had already seen Revenge of the Sith (both in the theater and on DVD) and had enjoyed it for the most part, so I watched this just so I could say I had seen the entire saga. Going into it, I knew that it was generally considered to be the absolute worst film in the series and, therefore, I prepared myself for some pain. After I saw it, though, my reaction was, "Well, it is the weakest film in the series but I wouldn't say it's horrible." But, the more times I watched it, I really started to turn on it and, after watching it again for this review, I can say that this film hurts. I still won't say that I hate any of the Star Wars films but this one is borderline, to say the least. It's one of the most poorly written and acted sci-fi/fantasy films I have ever seen and the abundance of dreadful CGI makes it all the more painful for me to watch, both literally and figuratively.

Not long after I saw the movie, I was reading through a recent edition of a big movie review guide that I once owned an older edition of and I was shocked when I saw that the authors gave every Star Wars movie five stars, including this one. Their review for this one said, "Lucas carefully balances amazing sci-fi action with a touching, sweet romance," or something to that effect and I wondered if they had seen the same movie that I and everybody else had. What's really sad is that this is the only one of the prequels in which Lucas had help in writing the screenplay. He wrote the first two drafts but, when he was having trouble completing the final one for the shooting script, Lucas brought on another writer to help him. Unfortunately, he chose Jonathan Hales, who wrote a few episodes of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles but had little experience in writing theatrical movies, let alone an epic like this, which is very apparent in the finished film. However, I still have to blame Lucas for a majority of why this film fails. The awful dialogue in the film is definitely Lucas' doing (I like that he at least admits that he hates writing dialogue because he knows he's not good at it), as is the stilted romance that apparently really gave him problems and even he admitted probably wouldn't fly with people the way he wrote it (boy, was he right about that). Plus, he still actually directed the thing, which, again, was not a good idea given his lack of gravitas with actors, something a few of these people desperately need. And finally, not only does he not know how to stage character-driven scenes, he also doesn't know how to do big action scenes and keep them interesting rather than letting them become numbing, which happens a lot here.

Deciding to make up for the fact that he was relegated to a minor character with little to do in the previous film, Lucas gave Ewan McGregor a much bigger presence here as the young Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's very much a main character in this film with a lot more depth and, for the most part, I feel that McGregor holds his own. He makes Obi-Wan a very sincere Jedi Knight: wise and strong, with more than a little dry wit about him. He's been tasked with fulfilling his late master's dying wish by teaching this young man who is believed to be the mythical Chose One the ways of the Force but has to deal with how rebellious and impulsive he is, not willing to listen half of the time. While Anakin, as I will get into presently, doesn't seem to really like Obi-Wan even though he says he does, Obi-Wan himself does seem to care about his apprentice, worrying about his arrogance and whether he's ready to take on the burden of protecting Padme. As a subplot, he also tries to find the identity of Padme's would-be assassins, which leads him to discover that an army of clones has been developed without the knowledge of the Republic. This section of the film is quite good, mainly because of McGregor's sincerity in how he seems genuinely troubled by what he discovers, particularly that bit which suggests that a member of the Jedi Order tampered with the Republic's archives, removing information about the planet Kamino from the old navigation maps. Obi-Wan also proves that he has become even more skilled than he was before by sensing the approaching assassin coming up behind him in the scene in the Coruscant bar and quickly disarming her, as well as proving to be more than a worthy opponent in the battle with the bounty hunter Jango Fett and during the climactic Jedi battle on Geonosis. However, he does have his limits and he's easily overpowered by Count Dooku (although that's Anakin's fault because the impatient hothead got himself knocked aside instead of attacking Dooku alongside Obi-Wan as he was supposed to). Speaking of which, in his dealings with Dooku beforehand, you see just how wise and strong-willed Obi-Wan is, able to resist the temptation of the Dark Side when Dooku offers him the chance to join him and, "destroy the Sith," as he puts it. Obi-Wan also has a very strong sense of duty, as seen during the pursuit of Dooku when he tells Anakin not to let his personal feelings interfere with their mission when the latter tries to make them land the ship when Padme falls out. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that stopping Dooku is what's most important and he knows that Padme wouldn't want them jeopardize the mission just for her. And like I said, Obi-Wan has a nice, dry sense of humor about him in this film and the next. I always smile when he tells Anakin during the chase through Coruscant that he doesn't mind flying but the way he flies a speeder is suicide. (Later, though, he confirms that he does indeed hate flying in general when Jango Fett tries to blow him away with mines in the asteroid field, saying, "Blast, this is why I hate flying!") Another nice bit is when Anakin and Padme are brought to the Geonosis arena and Anakin says that they came to rescue him. Obi-Wan looks at his handcuffs and sarcastically says, "Good job." Finally, I like the way McGregor looks in this film, with his beard and mullet. It's a look that he pulls off very well and manages to look cool.

There are some flaws with Obi-Wan, though. First off, at one point he tells Anakin to use the Force, to think... after he himself had very impulsively jumped right through a window and grabbed onto a droid floating outside, which resulted in an insane chase through the flyways of Coruscant. Why not practice what you preach, buddy? Also, he should have spoken up more about his feeling that Anakin wasn't ready to take on the mission of protecting Padme and not just because he feels that Anakin is too overconfident. He should have known by the way Anakin talked about Padme that he was getting too attached to her and having them spend a lot of time together without supervision might only further that attachment, which is forbidden to a Jedi (I'll talk about that later). Finally, even though I think McGregor is good in this film, there are some moments where even he can't save some of the dialogue that Lucas has him say and, sometimes, he doesn't even seem to be sure how to deliver some of it. The way he says, "Impossible," when the curator of the archives tells him that the planet Kamino doesn't exist seemed a little forced and unemotional, as did a bit of the dialogue between him and Kaminoans. It doesn't kill his awesomeness, mind you, but it just goes to show that even a really good actor can't make that kind of dialogue work.

Your face is going to get stuck like that if you're not
careful.

I feel that it is possible for a good actor to overcome less than stellar dialogue (i.e. Liam Neeson in Episode I) but, for the 19-year old Anakin Skywalker, Lucas chose one of the worst actors imaginable: Hayden Christensen. I really got irritated at producer Rick McCallum because in the special features on the DVD, you can see what an ass-kisser this guy is when he talks about how "good" Christensen is. I just wanted to smack him because you can see how far he's got his head up Lucas' butt and agrees with every decision he makes, never questioning them. Christensen is one of the most wooden, uncharismatic, boring actors ever. Hardly anything he says feels sincere as he puts no emotion it. Christensen himself blames it on Lucas' poor direction and, again, they may be something to that and he may have been better had a more talented director worked with him but, at the same time, when I see Christensen in other movies, he still feels like a block of wood. It also doesn't help that Anakin isn't written in a likable way. Jake Lloyd may have been bad as the nine-year old Anakin but at least there, the character had a good heart; here, Anakin is an arrogant, power-hungry asshole who talks back to and disobeys Obi-Wan constantly. I did picture Anakin as being maybe a tad bit rebellious and a little arrogant but still being a likable, charming person overall. Plus, since Obi-Wan said in the original trilogy that he was "seduced" by the Dark Side of the Force, it was feasible to think that he probably did want power but not to the extent that this maniac craves it. This major personality flaw really interferes with your ability to feel sorry for him in scenes where you're meant to, such as when his mother dies and he brings her body home. At first, I did feel bad for him since he just lost the most important person in his life but then, his power hunger comes back when Padme tells him that he's not all powerful. He responds, "Well, I should be. Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even be able to stop people from dying!" As if that wasn't bad enough, he suddenly blames Obi-Wan for what happened, yelling, "He's jealous! He's holding me back!" We're supposed to believe that this is a good person who fell to the Dark Side? Watching this, I'm not surprised at all that this guy is going to be easily seduced by the powers of evil. In fact, I would have thought the Dark Side had already gotten to him, judging from what he says when he and Padme are sitting in a field of grass after arriving on Naboo. He's talking about having politicians sit around and discuss what's right for the people and when they don't agree, they should be made to. Padme says that sounds like a dictatorship and Anakin's response? "Well, if it works." Again, this is supposed to be a good man who turned to evil? He's talking about the formation and effectiveness of a dictatorship! Padme says that he's saying that to make fun of her, and that may very well be the case, but when I thought about the gravity of what he said, my jaw dropped. Maybe he was just joking but still, that's the last thing I'd expect a supposedly good person to say.

You also don't buy the supposed friendship between Obi-Wan and Anakin for a second. I did see their exchange in their first scene together in the elevator as being friendly ribbing but that was the only time I felt that way. The rest of the time, the two of them seem to disagree and argue all the time. I know friends, especially mentors and pupils, have their disagreements but we never see the friendly moments between them. We hear that they've been on missions together and have become close as a result but we don't see it. We especially see no bridge at all between Obi-Wan viewing Anakin as a boy who's dangerous to the Jedi Order to his training the kid and the two of them becoming close as a result. We saw Luke and Han Solo start out not liking each other in the original trilogy but grow to become best friends. Here, no. Anakin says several times that Obi-Wan is like a father to him as well as a friend but it's hard to believe him due to their arguments. Granted, he does save Obi-Wan's life several times but it seems like he does so because he has to keep his master alive more than he really cares about him. That's why I feel that Episode I should have been about Obi-Wan discovering a young, skilled pilot on Tatooine and taking it upon himself to train him to be a Jedi. Through Anakin's trials, we could have seen him grow closer to Obi-Wan and, therefore, their disagreements would have been easier to accept (again, if Anakin stayed as likable as I felt he should have been). Like I said, I was expecting Anakin to be a bit rebellious and not always listen but not be a complete douchebag about it to Obi-Wan. Here, all he does is talk crap about his master behind his back. In fact, he sometimes seems to have schizophrenia about it and everything else that he does. In one scene with Padme, he first compliments Obi-Wan, saying that he's a great mentor, but then his arrogance and power hunger come through and he says that he feels he's ahead of Obi-Wan, that he's overly critical, never listens, and that it's unfair. Also, after Anakin admits to Padme that he killed the entire tribe of Tusken Raiders that kidnapped his mom, including the women and children, and yells that he hates them, he suddenly says, "I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this." It's trying to make him seem conflicted but it makes him look more like he has a split-personality. Finally, Anakin is supposed to be this skilled and powerful Jedi in-training but we never see him do anything extraordinary. He can fly a speeder well, is handy with a lightsaber and can slice through a bunch of weak droids and creatures, and can levitate things easily with the Force. That hardly makes him special. When he tries to fight Count Dooku near the end of the movie, he gets his ass handed to him several times, ultimately getting his armed sliced off. I guess the moment where he's able to tame that enormous, red creature on Geonosis counts as skill with the Force but that's the only example I can think of. Bottom line, poor writing and a terrible actor combined to epically mess up the character of Anakin Skywalker in all of these films, this one in particular.

Looking at her performance in these films, I'm still amazed that Natalie Portman would go on to win an Oscar one day, let alone that she would actually deserve one. Her acting may have been bland in Episode I but here, it's absolutely atrocious. Let's get the good points out of the way first, though. I do appreciate that, as her daughter Leia would later be, they make her a woman who takes action, who's able to hold her own in a big battle, is quite handy with a laser blaster, and is not a screaming damsel in distress. It's her idea to go save Obi-Wan when it's revealed that he's in trouble since she knows that the other Jedi will not reach him in time, and they also make her a head-strong woman who doesn't like being forced to hide when she is needed to make an important decision that will affect the future of the Republic. She also reveals herself to be insecure about her ruling abilities, feeling that she was too young to have become queen of Naboo, even though her people thought she was a great ruler. So, I do appreciate the attempt to give her depth. It's just too bad that Portman's acting isn't up to snuff. Like Christensen, her line deliveries are horribly wooden and you hardly believe anything that she says because there's little to no emotion to it. A great example is when Anakin confesses his slaughter of the Tusken Raiders to her and she looks at him with a very blank stare. After he's through, her response is simply, "To be angry is to be human." Uh, lady, he just confessed that he slaughtered an entire camp of Raiders, including those who did nothing to him or his mother, and that's your response? The wooden way she said it made it even worse. Also, she makes a really stupid decision early in the film when Obi-Wan and Anakin are guarding her: she covers up the security cameras simply because she wants her privacy. Does she not realize that someone is trying to kill her? This is no time to be overly private.

The worst aspect of the entire film is the romance, if you want to call it that, between Anakin and Padme. This has to one of the worst love stories ever told on film. A lot of people give Titanic crap but I like that movie and think that the love story there is much more sincere and heartwarming than this tripe. First of all, Anakin and Padme haven't seen each other in ten years and yet, Anakin says that he's thought about her every day since he meet her. As I said in my review of Episode I, they barely had enough interactions to form a bond and most of the time, Padme seemed to despise the kid. It was only after they left Tatooine that Padme said that she cared for Anakin, which I never bought. So why would Anakin be so drawn to her and love her so much? In addition, when he first met her, he was nine, long before he would start to become seriously interested in girls. If he hasn't seen her since then, it's awfully sporadic for him to suddenly become romantically attracted to her. That's something that develops over time, not when you meet up with someone again after many years apart. As for Padme, she's clearly uncomfortable with how Anakin interacts with her throughout the movie, which makes me unable believe her when she tells him that she does love him, especially since they don't have a single bonding moment. You may bring up that scene in the meadow on Naboo but that came right after they had their first forbidden kiss, which she immediately regretted doing. Why then would she basically go on a picnic with him and roll around in the grass with him? Is she so stupid that she doesn't realize that's kind of violating the exact code that she later warns him not to and that they had already done with that kiss? Also, she may feel bad for him because of what happens to his mother but I just can't see how that would make her forget how uncomfortable she felt around him as well as the fact that a relationship between the two of them is forbidden. It doesn't help that Christensen and Portman have no chemistry at all. Their moments and kisses are just awkward, even at the end when they're married. Nothing convinced me that she would have married this guy. Nothing. And the idea of her actually feeling something for him all those years ago is really creepy since he was a little kid and she was at least a teenager when they first met. Speaking of which, why has he grown into a young man and she hasn't changed at all? No consistency.

The dialogue is what really sinks the romance. I'm a pretty sentimental guy for the most part and I can take a lot of sugary stuff in movies that others would find nauseating but this stuff just kills me. It sounds like what Romeo and Juliet would have been if William Shakespeare was a complete hack. Probably the most notorious is when Anakin and Padme first arrive on Naboo and go to hide out in the lake country. Padme says, "We used to come out here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing." Anakin responds, "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft... and smooth." He rubs her arm and back and they proceed to share their first awkward kiss. But my favorite is the scene between Anakin and Padme after they have dinner that night. Anakin says, "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you... I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should have never given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask." Padme then says that they can't be together, saying, "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm... I'm a senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of how we feel about each other." The scene concludes with Anakin suggesting that they could keep their romance a secret but when Padme asks him if he could live a lie, Anakin responds, "No. It would destroy us." (The way Christensen said that last part was especially bad.) As if that wasn't bad enough, when Anakin and Padme are about to be carted into the arena on Geonosis, she tells him, "I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life." She later says, "I truly... deeply... love you and before we die, I want you to know." They then kiss again. Remember in Se7en when Detective Somerset reads the entry in John Doe's diary where he talks about throwing up on a man in the subway because his banality made him so sick? That's what this is doing to me. God, that dialogue is horrible! Lucas, don't EVER write a love story again!

Even though he doesn't have much of a presence in this film, Ian McDiarmid is still great as always as Chancellor Palpatine. Knowing what we know about the character and what he'll become, you have to love him lying right through his teeth in this film, saying that he will not let the Republic be disbanded and acting as if he's deeply concerned about Padme. The best part is when he's given immediate emergency powers and he's going on about how he deeply regrets doing this, saying, "I love democracy. I love the Republic." You know that behind that, he's smiling evilly since this is exactly what he wanted. You also see his relationship with Anakin for the first time, and how he's getting his hooks into the young Jedi by stroking his ego, telling him that he will become the most powerful Jedi ever and putting misgivings about the Jedi Counsel in his mind, saying, "They've finally given you an assignment. Your patience has paid off." Still, you have to wonder if Palpatine is so strong with the Dark Side that he's able to cloud the Jedi's ability to use the Force or if the Jedi are so dumb and overconfident in their abilities that they don't think to try to sense a Sith Lord in their midst, let alone right in front of them. They were wrong about Count Dooku not having it in him to have Padme assassinated and Mace Windu is disturbed when they find out that they never sensed the creation of the clone army, feeling that their ability to use the Force has dwindled. Even before that, they knew that someone removed the location of the planet Kamino from their archives, something that could only be done someone in the position of a Jedi. Hell, Dooku flat out tells Obi-Wan that the Republic is under the control of a Sith Lord and while they don't entirely disbelieve him, saying that they should keep an eye on the Senate, they don't to try to find out for sure. Again, I know that they can't trust anything a Sith Lord says but still, you'd think that all of this adding up at once would strike them as being very suspicious. What's more, shouldn't they find it a little convenient that Palpatine would get a clone army out of all this? And why did the Senate, as well as the Jedi, for that matter, allow the use of this army whose origin is unknown? Okay, there was an emergency, they needed an army fast, and this one was conveniently ready for deployment, but I would still expect that either the Senate or, at least, the Jedi Counsel would be suspicious of this convenience. But, nope. In fact, Yoda is the one who brings it to Geonosis, playing right into Palpatine's hands. Palpatine is very lucky that everybody around him is so gullible and don't question the significance of any of the unorthodox things that are happening one after another.

Christopher Lee, as always, is awesome as Count Dooku, the former Jedi Master turned Sith Lord. He has such a presence and charisma to him that you very much buy his ability to influence various systems into joining his Separatist movement, creating chaos in the Republic. You see how manipulative he can be when he talks to the captured Obi-Wan and, in a very sincere voice, tells him that it's a grave misunderstanding and that he's mistaken when he says he followed a bounty hunter to Geonosis. You also find out just how close he is to the main characters in that he was once Qui-Gon Jinn's mentor and Yoda was once his. And once again, we have an example of how Sith Lords, in their thirst for power, try to stab each other in the back when Dooku tries to get Obi-Wan to join him so they can destroy the Sith. He obviously wants to kill his master so he can be all powerful but he knows he can't do it alone, so he's trying to manipulate Obi-Wan into joining the Dark Side. When Obi-Wan refuses, Dooku decides to abandon that plan and tells Obi-Wan that it might be difficult to secure his release, which he had originally promised him. Dooku is playing both sides for fools. He tells Obi-Wan that he has no ill towards the Jedi and does not know of Jango Fett, again trying to get Obi-Wan on his side but we later learn that he is, indeed, Fett's employer. He also says to the viceroy of the Trade Federation that he does not know how the Republic amassed such a clone army, even though it's obvious that he and Palpatine called for its creation. He's doing everything he can to cause a galactic civil war to break out, which he succeeds in doing, just as Palpatine wanted. And for an old man, he's very powerful and skilled in the Jedi arts, using both those skills and his Sith powers to easily fend off a two-on-one duel with Obi-Wan and Anakin, severing the latter's arm in the process. He even manages to hold his own with Yoda but then proves that he's a coward by endangering the lives of the injured Obi-Wan and Anakin to distract Yoda so he can escape.

All in all, Dooku is a really good, manipulative, powerful villain. But still, I have to say, "Count Dooku? Really?" First, I'm sure the only reason they call him a count is because it's Christopher Lee. Second, Dooku is a ridiculous name. Why isn't he called Darth Tyrannus, which is his Sith title? That's a pretty awesome name to me. In fact, he should have been using that title when he started the Separatist movement so the Jedi wouldn't know it's him and when they eventually discovered that it was him, it would have been even more shocking to them. Heck, he should have had a line like, "I am no longer Count Dooku. I am Darth Tyrannus." How awesome would that have been? One last thing: you discover that the building of the the droid army on Geonosis is just a front for the planning of the ultimate weapon, which turns out to be the Death Star. Dooku decides to take the plans to his master so they'll be safe and, when he says this, he presses a button on the device that the Geonosian leader gives him, showing us a hologram of the Death Star. While it was cool to see that this is where planning for the Death Star begain, it wasn't all that practical for him to briefly activate the hologram other than so the audience could see it. Couldn't it have just been simple blueprints with the image of the Death Star on it? (I know, I'm nitpicking again, and that doesn't even have to do with Dooku himself, but I had to bring it up at some point.)

The last main villain is Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison). Now, in my review of The Empire Strikes Back, I said I liked Morrison better as the voice of Boba Fett in the 2004 edition of the film but, in this film, there's not much I find interesting about his character. As I said, I never found Boba Fett himself to be interesting so, therefore, I hardly care about his "father." Granted, he does much more in this one film than his son did in the two he was featured in and, in fact, he's actually a central part of the story, being the original host for the clone army. Action-wise, he also has a pretty good fight with Obi-Wan on the planet Kamino, is involved in a chase through an asteroid field where he tries to blow Obi-Wan's ship up with mines, and is a part of the climactic battle on Geonosis, fighting with Mace Windu. Morrison's acting is pretty good too, radiating an air of confidence and a hint of menace, particularly during the scene where he and Obi-Wan have a tense discussion about his recent activities. Still, for all my compliments, I'm just not all that invested in the character for the reason stated. Speaking of Boba Fett, he's in this movie as well as a little kid (Daniel Logan). Ironically, even though, like his appearances as an adult, he does nothing except watch his dad fight, he actually provides the two aspects of this whole situation that I do find interesting. One is the revelation that he himself is a clone that Jango Fett requested for himself, one whose genetic structure, you find out, wasn't tampered with so he will grow as a normal human being, unlike the other clones whose growth rates were accelerated to meet deadlines. I wonder why Fett asked for this. Some might say that he wanted a partner just like him but, if that were the case, I think he would have had Boba's growth accelerated. Perhaps he always wanted a son and, due to his choice of profession, this was the only way he would ever get one. Indeed, you do get a sense of closeness between them that feels like much more than just a simple partnership. So, that's some nice insight into the character. Second, Boba sees his dad get decapitated by Mace Windu and the last time you see him, he's holding his dad's helmet and, logically, his severed head. That is undoubtedly served as his incentive for becoming a bounty hunter himself and dressing in the same type of outfit as his father. That was interesting as well and I must give Lucas props for giving a bit of backstory to a character who was just kind of there in the original films and yet, became insanely popular for some reason.

Since we're talking about villains, I have to mention Zam Wesell (Leeanna Walsman), the bounty hunter who's working with Jango Fett to kill Padme. Not much to say about her other than, when you think about it, she's not a very good assassin. She seems so at first since she clearly knows where Padme is staying on Coruscant and has a droid that she's programmed to cut open the windows with horizontal bars across them that are outside Padme's bedroom without being detected Now, Jango gives her these poisonous, millipede-like creatures to kill Padme with, right? If Zam knows it's that easy to cut open the window, then maybe she should have told Jango that those creatures wouldn't be necessary and then program the droid to simply shoot Padme with a silenced weapon instead. Also, when Obi-Wan grabs onto the droid when it attempts to return to Zam, she shoots the droid, causing Obi-Wan to fall, even though she looked through some binoculars and saw that Obi-Wan was holding onto it. Why didn't she shoot him instead? She's either stupid or can't shoot for crap. You also find out that she's not human but is an alien creature that can look human. I don't know if you ever get an answer as to what her species is, though. Anakin says that she's a changeling but is that a species of creature or just a general term used to describe many species that can imitate other creatures?

I still say that Samuel L. Jackson should not be in these movies. As I said in my review of Episode I, I just cannot buy him as a Jedi. For one, when he talks about the Force and how the Jedi are keepers of the peace and not soldiers in that voice of his, it doesn't feel authentic to me. It's just not how I would think someone from the old Galactic Republic would sound. In fact, at one point, he even says, "This party's over," which is really not something I believe a Jedi would say! On top of that, it's the very simple reason that it's Sam Jackson. I know some actors are able to overcome the general public's perceptions of them but, as much as I love him, I don't think he can do that. I'm always going to think of him as playing the tough black man in movies like Pulp Fiction and Jungle Fever. So, when he's trying to be a Jedi, someone who's supposed to be wise and cultured as well as powerful, it just doesn't work. No offense meant to Mr. Jackson but it's how I feel. Now, that said, when Mace Windu takes part in the big battle on Geonosis between the Jedi and Count Dooku's droid army, Jackson manages to be pretty bad-ass in how he handles a lightsaber. It's odd that he's the only Jedi to have a purple lightsaber but still, he's slicing up droids left and right, takes on Jango Fett, and single-handedly cuts off his arm and beheads him, which was awesome. In other words, when he's not talking and simply takes part in the action, Jackson is good here, which makes me feel they should have made Windu a completely silent character. If you don't hire Jackson for his legendary "motherfucking," which he obviously can't do in these movies, then you should make him the strong, silent type instead of having him say stuff that doesn't sound right coming out of his mouth.

I think everybody knew it was inevitable that Yoda would become a completely CGI character. The good thing is that you still have Frank Oz doing his voice and, what's more, I'll take the way he looks here over that bizarre puppet from Episode I any day. At least here, he looks like Yoda. As for the CGI itself, it's kind of hit and miss. There are some parts of the movie where I think it looks pretty damn good and believable and others where it does look fake. Finally, there's the idea of Yoda taking part in a lightsaber duel with Count Dooku and I will say right now that I really liked that. It was nice to see the little guy take part in some serious action instead of sitting around and simply dolling out advice. He's supposed to be one of the greatest Jedi Masters ever and you always knew that it had to come down to more than just his wisdom; in that duel, we truly see how strong Yoda is with the Force, jumping around like crazy and displaying some insane lightsaber skills. Some might see that as something that a creature as old as him wouldn't be able to do but I just saw it as him using his strong influence with the Force to give himself a big burst of power. And after the battle, you can tell that it really drained him and is not something he can keep up for very long, which feels right considering his age. I also like the moment before the duel when Count Dooku shoots Force-lightning at Yoda but he effortlessly catches it in his hand and tosses it away in an energy ball. That's so bad-ass. I remember these commercials at the time that said stuff like, "Who da man? Yoda man!" and I agree with that. Some might not like it but I really enjoyed seeing Yoda kick some ass.

The ever reliable C-3PO and R2-D2 are along for the ride as well. R2 is still with the Republic and I think he's become Padme's personal astro-droid by this point. He seems to also be a bit of a protector for her, guarding in her room as she sleeps while Obi-Wan and Anakin keep watch outside. When Anakin and Padme go to Naboo to hide out, R2 comes with them, although he doesn't seem to serve any purpose, so I can only guess that he does it out of loyalty. When Anakin travels back to Tatooine to see if his mother is alright, they meet up with 3PO again, who now has some rather dirty, silver coverings and is working on the Lars farm. This is the only prequel where you get a hint of the old, bickering relationship between the two droids that was present in the original trilogy. It's where you can see 3PO beginning to get irritated at R2's sassy attitude and the way he questions everything he does and says. When R2 disobeys his orders to stay with the ship when Anakin and Padme travel to Geonosis, 3PO runs after him and ends up getting into a lot of antics, stuff that you know Jar Jar would have been involved in. In fact, I think Jar Jar was supposed to be in this film more than he was but, due to the public scorn the character received, the slapstick was rewritten for 3PO. I say that because, just like Jar Jar's antics in the previous film, the stuff that 3PO gets into on Geonosis really shouldn't be there and is distracting. He gets caught on the Geonosian assembly line and gets his head switched with that of a battle droid. As a result, he's inadvertently walking around and shooting at Jedi while the battle droid isn't able to do much of anything with 3PO's body. So, does that mean that droids' bodies are the source of their intelligence and motivation rather than the head? Even stranger is when 3PO suddenly yells, "Die, Jedi dogs!" Where did that come from? Did he get caught up in the moment or is the body actually influencing him? Lucas also gives 3PO a lot of lame, predictable puns throughout this bit. When R2 pulls his head free of the battle droid body and drags him toward his actual one, 3PO says, "This is such a drag!" When R2 gets his head to his body, 3PO says, "I'm absolutely beside myself!" And when his head is reattached, 3PO says, "I had the most peculiar dream." That's stuff that a third-grader would laugh at. Finally, since when has R2 been able to hover around and why does he never do that in the original trilogy? Did his owners afterward take those things away for some dumb reason? Oh yeah, and 3PO and R2 are witnesses to the wedding of Anakin and Padme. Big deal.

Pernilla August comes back briefly as Shmi Skywalker, Anakin's mother, whom he was forced to leave behind on Tatooine. You find out that lately, Anakin has been having bad dreams about her and while he's guarding Padme on Naboo, he has one so horrifying that he must travel to Tatooine to see if she's alright. He finds out that Shmi was initially bought as a slave by a farmer named Cliegg Lars, who freed her and married her. However, a month before, she was taken by a group of Tusken Raiders. Anakin, unable to accept the fact that she's dead, tracks down the Raiders and manages to get to her right before she dies. I will admit that I thought this small scene between Anakin and his mother was genuinely touching. He's missed her ever since he left home and this ends up being the last time they see each other. Shmi is very happy that her son has grown up to be a Jedi and she says that she's now complete. It's especially emotional when Shmi tries to tell Anakin that she loves him but dies right before she can finish it. I will even give this moment to Christensen because I thought his acting was good here. He does seem believably devastated that he's just lost the most important person in his life and it, coupled with his reluctance to leave her behind in the previous film and his growing fear of losing her throughout this one, makes his wholesale slaughter of the entire camp of Tusken Raiders understandable in my opinion. I also thought Christensen did a fair job when his mother is buried and he says how much he misses her and how he will never allow something like this to happen again, a decision I think you can understand. With these compliments, you may think I'm contradicting what I said earlier about Anakin and Christensen's acting. I do mean what I said here, it's just that his lust for power that comes back when he confesses the deed to Padme and his attitude throughout the rest of the film are what I have a problem with. This whole section actually could have been more effective than it already was had Anakin been a likable character throughout the rest of the film. Not only would that have made his snapping and slaughtering the Tusken Raiders all the more shocking but it would have even more so if Lucas had gone all out and actually shown him killing everybody, including the women and children. Screw the young audience, this is meant to be the rise of Darth Vader! It should be dark and horrific, as Episode III would prove to be at various points. Also, I have to mention again that this could have been avoided had the Jedi gone back and freed Shmi (I'll elaborate on that more later). I might as well mention Cliegg Lars (Jack Thompson), Anakin's new stepfather, his stepbrother, Owen (Joel Edgerton), and Owen's girlfriend, Beru (Bonnie Piesse). While there's not much to say about the latter two since they don't do or say much, you do know that Cliegg is a good man in that he made Shmi his wife instead of keeping her as a slave and, from the way he acts, it's clear that he truly loved her, going as far as to lose his leg in an attempt to save her from the Tusken Raiders. Even though he's not balling his eyes out, you can sense that he will miss Shmi from his simple words, "Goodbye, my darling wife, and thank you."

Even though he has only a few scenes, Jar Jar Binks is still in this movie. Knowing how much the public hated him, Lucas was wise to drastically shorten his presence, although this is where it starts to feel like he loves antagonizing the haters of the character. First off, he jokingly called the film Jar Jar's Adventure while it was in development, which was sure to get the haters riled up. Also, someone in the documentary The People vs. George Lucas pointed something out that I never noticed before. When Obi-Wan and Anakin arrive at the beginning of the film to meet with Padme, there's a moment where Jar Jar looks straight at the camera and appears to smile. I can't help but wonder if the guy who pointed that out was right, that that was Lucas giving a middle finger to all the Jar Jar haters and saying in effect, "I know you guys hate him but I'm not getting rid of him." In fact, Lucas went a step further and made Jar Jar a key factor in Palpatine's rise to power. In this film, he works with Padme as a Representative and when she is forced to go into hiding, she elects him to to take on her duties at the Senate while she's away. First off, why, of all people, did she give Jar Jar this position? Doesn't she have anyone else who could do the job far better than that idiot? Also, because of his position, Jar Jar is the one who votes for the Senate to give Palpatine emergency powers to use the clone army, essentially dooming the galaxy and giving Palpatine the power necessary for him to eventually turn the Republic into the Empire. Good going, Jar Jar. You really have to wonder if Lucas would have done that had there not been such a searing hatred towards the character.

This film brings up more issues that I have with the Jedi Order, the major one being how, once you've sworn your life to the order, you're forbidden to marry or become deeply attached to any one person. The reason for this is eventually given by Yoda in Episode III, when he says that attachment leads to jealousy, which is the shadow of greed and is a path to the Dark Side, as is the fear of loss. Okay, I'm calling bullshit on that. Generalizing that all attachment leads to jealousy is really stupid. Not every single person who becomes very close to someone else is going to become a jealous jerk. Some people are able to handle it well and maturely, others aren't. It all comes down to the individual's psychological makeup. This notion leads to a disturbing thought: is that why the Jedi never went back to Tatooine and freed Anakin's mother, because they were trying to impose this idea of attachment being forbidden on him? They already knew that Anakin was a troubled kid when they first met him in Episode I and that he deeply missed his mother, which is why they were reluctant for him to be trained as a Jedi (I still say that if they felt that strongly about it, they shouldn't have allowed Obi-Wan to train him, despite his promise to Qui-Gon). But, they allowed it anyway, and never went back and freed his mother, presumably because of the whole attachment thing, despite the fact that Anakin may have been much more stable in his training knowing that she was nearby and safe. So what was the end result? Anakin started to have nightmares about his mother, eventually went back to Tatooine and got to her right as she died, which caused him to snap and kill all those Tusken Raiders, beginning his journey to the Dark Side. This also instilled in him the need to find a way to keep the ones close to him from dying, which is what would eventually cause him to turn completely. And incidentally, Obi-Wan should have realized that Anakin had a thing for Padme but he didn't speak up to the counsel and allowed him to privately guard her on Naboo. Ignoring the fact that the love story sucked balls, this led to them becoming close and deciding to secretly marry. And then, because of this whole attachment thing, Anakin couldn't go to his Jedi peers for guidance and reassurance when he started to have the same disturbing nightmares about Padme that he did about his mother. So, who did he go to? Palpatine, the very man whom the Jedi were beginning to suspect was hiding something! Yeah, a lot of stinking good this no attachment aspect of the Jedi Order did for Anakin. Granted, this doesn't excuse Anakin being an arrogant, power-hungry prick but the Jedi Order is as much to blame for what eventually happens to him as he himself is. And finally, call me old-fashioned, but I believe very much in the power of love. Like I said, some deal with jealousy and the fear of loss better than others, but I think the Jedi would have been much more effective had they not generalized all of it as being a path to the Dark Side. If Jedi were allowed to love, while they may have been afraid to lose their loved ones, I think it would have given them much more focus. And if some are so strong with the Force, I'd think if they lost a loved one, they could have used it to deal with it and balance out their despair so they don't succumb to it, much like how Luke was eventually able to use the Force to keep the negativity within himself under control. Basically, if the Jedi Order hadn't seen everything as so black and white, they may have been able to avoid their downfall.

One scene that adds to my issues with the Jedi Order is the one between Yoda and the "younglings." First of all, that term just annoys me. Towards Lucas, I'm like, "If you mean children, then just say children, you freaking dumbass!" Second, as I said in my review of Episode I, these kids don't seem to be that much younger than Anakin was in that film and yet, one of the arbitrary reasons the counsel gave for not training him was because he was too old. I read somewhere that the Force must be harnessed from early childhood but I think that's a cheap cop-out. I mean, look at Luke. He didn't learn to use the Force until he was a young man and he became a pretty damn good Jedi. Third, and this is an extension of my past issue, are these kids being taught at such a young age to let go of their close, personal attachments, such as their parents? Knowing how well this worked out for Anakin, that's a disturbing idea. Fourth, are these children the only up and coming Jedi that Yoda trains? Is that what Obi-Wan was talking about in the original trilogy when he said that Yoda instructed him? If so, that hardly counts as being taught everything about the Force since Yoda seems to be teaching these kids the simple basics that Obi-Wan was able to teach Luke before he died (that is, wearing a helmet and using a lightsaber to deflect harmless energy blasts). Okay, maybe Yoda, since he's so ancient, taught the very first Jedi all about the Force (which he was forced to do with Luke since he was the only one in a position to) and, as he got older, he had to settle for teaching children, but that's still another possible continuity error with the original trilogy. And fifth, I've never liked the scene in general because it seemed pointless to involve those kids in figuring out why Kamino is no longer in the archives when Yoda could have figured it out himself. I know it was part of the kids' training to use their feelings but still, Obi-Wan and Yoda could have easily excused themselves and figured it out on their own. I probably sound like I'm nitpicking but that scene always bugged me.

Attack of the Clones is the film where Lucas really started to do everything digitally, not just in the effects but also in the very way the film was shot. It was one of the first films to be shot entirely on a digital camera as opposed to the traditional 35mm, which Lucas had wanted to do with The Phantom Menace but the cameras weren't completed by the time they started shooting. I have major mixed feelings about how this technique made the film look, mainly because I tend not to like the way digital cameras make movies look in the first place. I just prefer the old-fashioned look on 35mm (if it that makes me an old fogy, then so be it). As for how this specific film looks, I will say that when there's nothing digital in the scene, when it's just the actors on a practical set or location, it looks fine. But, the thing is, those moments are very few and far between. There is so much CGI in this movie that it's ridiculous, and while the digital stuff in The Phantom Menace is still horribly dated, I think what's in this movie is even worse. I have a feeling that it might be due to the digital film. It seems to make the sloppiness of the CGI more apparent. And I don't know if I can do this justice simply by describing it but the brightness and color of the digital format combined with all of the computer-generated effects make this a very numbing and irritating movie for me to look at. In fact, my eyes begin to hurt a bit after watching it for a while and my eyes aren't that sensitive. (I couldn't imagine trying to watch the 3-D version of this if that ever got a release. Ouch!) Also, it really does make me feel like I'm watching a cut-scene from a video game at times and there are points where it goes on so long that I just want to go sleep. I know CGI isn't as easy to pull of as some seem to think it is but still, doing practically everything in the computer is a sign of laziness to me. There are some creatures and droids in this movie that could have easily been pulled off by practical effects but nope, Lucas decided to do them in CG. There are only two bits of praise that I can give the CGI. First, it's cool how they superimposed Christopher Lee's face over his stunt double during the final lightsaber battle between Yoda and Count Dooku and tt really does make it look like Lee is doing those moves that you know he couldn't possibly do. Second, the lightsabers look better than ever. However, I feel that the sheer number of both the weapons themselves and the battles involving them in this film and in Episode III really diminishes their mystical quality (I think Roger Ebert felt the same way).

You get to see more of the planet of Coruscant in this film and that's something I really liked. In The Phantom Menace, you only got a hint of it but here, you see more of the inner sanctum. Not only are there a lot of  flyways jammed with cruisers but the sidewalks are jam packed with citizens of all species. There's even a bar that's like an advanced version of the cantina in the original Star Wars, filled with people who are either watching sports on big video screens or sitting around, drinking, and having conversations (Anthony Daniels has a brief cameo out of the C-3PO costume here). You also find out that Coruscant has old-fashioned diners in the scene where Obi-Wan visits his old friend Dex and you get to see more buildings, such as the glowing Jedi archives, Padme's apartment, and more of the Jedi Counsel building, such as the room where Yoda teaches the children. So, I did think it was nice that Lucas decided to show a balance between the every day lives of the big wigs who run the Republic and the middle to lower class citizens of Coruscant. I also thought it was interesting to see what the planet looks like on a foggy, misty day, instead of it being bright and sunny all the time. We go back to Naboo as well and see a part of the planet that we didn't see in the previous film: the lake country, where Anakin and Padme stay at a luxurious palace. As I felt in the previous film about the location shooting of Naboo in Italy and Spain, I think it looks gorgeous, with the Villa del Balbianello on Lake Como that serves as the palace in the lake country being positively breathtaking. The scenes between the two of them in the field look good for the most part, although I'm sure some of it was filmed in front of a green screen, and the bit where the two of them first arrive on Naboo looks pretty good too (I think that was shot at the Plaza de Espana in Seville, Spain). For the fourth time in the saga, a good chunk of the movie takes place on Tatooine and, save for the very end of Episode III, this is the last time we would see the planet. I like that we come full-circle on the planet and have Anakin visit the Lars family farm, the very place his son would end up spending the first section of his life. I also thought the scenes of Anakin hunting down the Tusken Raiders who took his mother looked good with the setting sun and the growing dusk, and it was interesting to see what a Raiders camp looked like as well. You figured it would be something primitive but it was still nice to actually see it.

There are two new planets introduced as well. The first is Kamino, the ocean planet whose mysterious inhabitants are masters at cloning. We only see one little section oit but it's well designed and interesting. It's raining very hard the entire time Obi-Wan is on the planet and we never find out if this is just a particularly bad day or if this is how it always is. In any case, the storm makes the ocean look all the more striking, with the tossing waves slamming against the outpost in the middle of it, various sea creatures jumping out of the water and against the current, the constant downpour of rain, and the lightning in the background. The Kaminoans live inside this enclosed outpost which is large enough to contain a gigantic cloning laboratory, with the inside being very dream-like. It's almost completely a very bright white in color, with floating chairs that the Kaminoans sit in and the cloning laboratory looking like something out of The Matrix, with the assembly line of tubes holding new clone embryos. You also see a room where young clones are taught basic skills, a gigantic dining area, and one big room containing clones that are fully matured and ready for combat. The only normal looking room inside the place is Jango and Boba Fett's little apartment; otherwise, the entire place is very much alien in design. The other planet is Geonosis, where Count Dooku secretly builds an enormous droid army in order to start a galactic civil war. It's not very far from Tatooine and is actually very similar in that it's a desert planet, with a lot of interesting parts to it, the most distinctive of which is the enormous factory where the battle droids are built, which is hidden within the system of caverns that the Geonosians live in. While almost completely created in CGI, it's still very impressive, with the assembly lines of droids and large mechanisms that slice and bolt things, as well as the line of smelting pots that run along the ceiling. I must say, though, that the look of Geonosis itself in the harsh sunlight is where the CGI really suffers and gets to me. There are so many CG elements in that arena and during the climactic Clone War battle that it becomes the section where the movie feels the most like a video game to me. It all just looks so fake, with the arena sequence, which has those big, fake-looking CGI creatures, followed by that enormous battle between the Jedi and the droid army, looking especially bad. And when you combine that with the Clone War afterward, it's all just numbing to my eyes and mind. The droid factory sequence had problems too but this is too much.

As always, there are some new creatures and droids introduced in this film but, unfortunately, whatever chance they had of being cool and memorable is hampered by the film's bad CGI. The first are these poisonous millipede-like creatures called Kohuns that Jango Fett gives to Zam to kill Padme with. Ignoring the fact that they are very likely to fail in killing Padme (and do), the CGI is terrible and you don't believe that those creatures are real for a second. There are some random creatures that Obi-Wan and Anakin encounter during their pursuit of Zam through Coruscant, including some that yell and curse at them when they almost cause them to crash in the flyways as well as some in the bar that Zam hides in. I saw a female that I'm sure was meant to be a Twi-lek and, obviously, you have that guy with antennae on his head who tries to sell Obi-Wan some "deathsticks" but Obi-Wan uses his Jedi mind powers to make him go home and rethink his life (I thought that was a nice little bit). Zam herself is some type of creature only identified as a changeling but, like I said earlier, I'm not sure if that's the actual name of her species or not. My favorite alien creature that's actually a character in this movie is Obi-Wan's old pal, Dex (voiced by Ronald Falk), this big, four-armed creature who runs a cafe in the downtown section of Coruscant. I always like these types of characters who are big, teddy bears in personality and are like, "Hey, buddy, what's going on?!" I also like Dex's attitude, where he thinks droids are pieces of junk and says, "I should think you Jedi would appreciate the difference between knowledge and... wisdom." You get a sense that he's been around a long time and has traveled to many corners of the galaxy, which is why he's able to tell Obi-Wan that the dart that Jango Fett used to silence Zam permanently is from the planet Kamino. If I have a complaint about Dex is that, again, he's completely CGI. It would have been so easy to create him mainly through practical effects and use CGI for just full body shots. I also like that waitress droid who calls Dex, "honey." Thing is, she has a bit of an Italian-American accent, particularly when she says, "Jawa juice," and I'm not sure why a robot in the Old Republic would be programmed to talk like that, but whatever (by the way, Jawa juice? Bleh!) And during the scene where Yoda is teaching the children, one of the kids is a young female creature known as a Togruta, the same species as the character Ahsoka Tano, who would become a would-be apprentice for Anakin in the Star Wars: The Clone Wars CGI movie and TV series (I never watched either of those, though). Nothing else to say, just something I instantly recognized.

The Kaminoans are an interesting race of creatures, with their thin, pale-skinned bodies, long necks, and small heads. This is one instance where I will compliment the CGI because it does look convincing, particularly in the closeups of the creatures' faces. Personally, I agree with Obi-Wan's assumption that Lama Su (voiced by Anthony Phelan), the prime minister of Kamino, and Taun We (voiced by Rena Owen), his administrator, were not involved with the Separatist movement, the attempted assassination of Padme, or any part of Palpatine's plan to take over the Republic. I think they were simply doing their job, fulfilling an order for a clone army that they thought was placed by a respectable member of the Jedi Counsel. The clones themselves, of course, would eventually become the Empire's storm-troopers and Palpatine no doubt had them created because, as Lama Su himself says, they are far superior to droids (yeah, he wouldn't have been able to take over the republic with those pathetic battle droids). While on Naboo, Anakin rides this weird animal that looks like some sort of farm animal with a really fat body. To be honest, the swelled abdomen, texture of the skin, and the small head make it look like Anakin is riding an engorged tick to me! I'm sorry but being from the South, that was the first thing that popped into my head! When Anakin and Padme travel to Tatooine, they meet back up briefly with Watto, who went bankrupt after losing the pod-race in the previous film and is now forced to be a street vendor. In his brief appearance here, Watto seems to act much friendlier towards Anakin than he did when he was a slave child (probably because Anakin could slice him in half at a moment's notice with his lightsaber) and happily agrees to help him find his mother. Watoo also seems to have a thicker beard this time than he did originally. We also see the Tusken Raiders again and this time, we find out just how dangerous they are when Cliegg Lars tells Anakin that, out of a group of thirty that went after his mother after she was taken, four came back and he lost his leg in the fight. There's something even more sinister afoot when you think about why the Raiders took Shmi. When Anakin finds her, she does look she's been thoroughly beaten but, since she's been kept alive, I wonder if she was being used as a sex slave, being raped by one Raider after another. You also get a slight glimpse of Jawa as well as a little rickshaw droid that carts Anakin and Padme around when they arrive on the planet.

During the climax on the planet of Geonosis, you meet some more creatures and droids, including the Geonosians themselves, who are probably my least favorite alien species in the entire Star Wars universe because of the way they talk. I can never stand that type of primitive speech that has a lot clicking and popping in the mouth. I don't mind the way they look, which is very strange with their dark brown skin, insect-like bodies, and wings, but their talking just annoys me. When Count Dooku is talking with several representatives of various planets planning to join the Separatist movement, you see some weird, humanoid creature with elongated limbs and a small head, a robot guy who seems to have circuitry problems at one point when he talks, and Viceroy Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation. The latter's presence just baffles me because I would have thought that ,after they attempted to take over Naboo, the Federation would have been disbanded completely. How is that thing still functioning? Does the Republic still not realize that all of these guys are rotten to the core? The worst CGI creatures in the entire film are these huge monsters that the Geonosians sic on Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme in their gladiatorial arena. You've got this big, mantis-like thing that won't quit screaming, a red creature with ram-like horns on either side of its face, and this furry, wild monster that looks like an overgrown, pissed white tiger. During the battle between the Jedi and Dooku's droid army, you see some familiar battle droids, both the basic ones and the droidekas, as well as some new ones such like the bulky and tough Super battle droids and the hailfire droids, an artillery weapon with big wheels that can fire a lot of rockets. And finally, you see some new Jedi characters, most notably this green guy with long tentacles growing out of the back of his head (I don't know his name or his species).

Some reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes have called Attack of the Clones an improvement over The Phantom Menace in that they feel it contains more of what made the Star Wars series fun. Now, if they're talking about the action, I have to strongly disagree with that notion. This is the most action-packed film in the saga, I will admit, and that's a shame because a lot of it sucks, mainly due to the same set of problems: it goes on for too long, it's tedious, and because big chunks of it are almost completely CGI, it feels like you're watching video game cut-scenes (I know I keep harping on that but it's the God's honest truth). For me, the action all blurs together and is not memorable in the slightest because the amount of CGI is so numbing. Take the chase through Coruscant, for example: I barely remember the specifics of it. I remember certain moments, like when Anakin flies downwards very steeply, much to Obi-Wan's horror, when he stupidly flies right through an electrical barrier, going "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" as he gets shocked, and, most unbelievable of all, when he jumps out of the speeder in midair and just happens to find Zam's below. (How the hell did that work?) Otherwise, it's mind-numbing and over long. The battle between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett on Kamino is decent, with Obi-Wan making good use of his Jedi and lightsaber skills and Fett his bounty hunter weapons. It wasn't completely CGI either, which was refreshing, and I did like the moment when Obi-Wan kicks Fett off the side of the platform and then realizes he's messed up because he's tied to him. However, what I didn't like was the scene afterward where Obi-Wan pursues Fett through an asteroid field and the bounty hunter tries to destroy his ship with mines. To me, it's a crappy rip-off of the similar scene in The Empire Strikes Back and, again, it looks like a video game. The climax on Geonosis is far too many action scenes back-to-back, with few lulls in-between. You have Anakin and Padme running through the droid-making factory, with really obvious mixtures of CG-elements and live-action actors (some may say there was a lull between this and the next sequence but that pathetic confession of love that Padme gives Anakin just made me even more sour and less enthusiastic about the next part of the movie than I already was); the arena battle which goes from the group's struggle to survive against the beasts to an overwhelming battle between the Jedi and the droid army (I did like that those monsters in the arena were caught in the middle of the mayhem and were joining in, though); and, as if that wasn't enough, the freaking Clone War breaks out right after that. Some may find it enthralling but to me, it's just too much at once. I'm like, "Oh, God! Too much CGI! I feel my mind starting to crack!" That said, there were some aspects of the Clone War that I did like, such as the sheer scale of it and all the destruction going on, but again, it shouldn't have come right after three other action scenes and they should have tried to make it look less like a video game cut-scene. Finally, this leads into the battle between Count Dooku and the Jedi, starting with Obi-Wan and Anakin. This does not go well because Anakin gets flicked aside because of his impulsiveness and Obi-Wan is overwhelmed by Dooku's power. I do like the part where Anakin intervenes to save Obi-Wan as well as the duel that ensues between him and Dooku, especially since he does manage to hold Dooku off rather well. But, he eventually gets his right arm cut off and is flung backwards towards his master, with the battle now coming down to Yoda and Dooku. Like I said, I really liked seeing Yoda in a lightsaber duel and I thought he showed just how powerful a Jedi Master he is. It's a shame that Dooku decided to take the cowardly way out by distracting Yoda because I think he could have defeated him. To me, this lightsaber battle was a nice final action scene, particularly since a lot of it was practical and made for a nice breather from the CGI fests that were most of the others.

John Williams' score for this movie is fairly good, although I think a pretty big portion of it is forgettable. The most recognizable bit of music is the love theme for Anakin and Padme and I have to say that, while the love story itself sucks, the theme itself is very beautiful and well orchestrated. I especially like the way it swells during the very last scene in the movie where Anakin and Padme marry. Its different versions throughout the film are all great but the way it sounds there is particularly lovely to me. It's a shame that it couldn't have been written for a better love story because it's truly beautiful music. I also thought the scene right before that, where you see the clone troopers boarding their battleships with Palpatine overseeing it, was helped very much with the addition of the Imperial March. That, combined with Yoda's last line that the Clone War has begun, helps give it a sense of growing dread, letting you know that you're seeing the beginning of the end for the Republic. Speaking of the use of past scores, I thought the Emperor's theme was used effectively here, like the bit of it you hear in the scene where Anakin confesses slaughtering all of the Tusken Raiders to Padme and the way it sounded when Count Dooku retreats to Coruscant and meets up with his master at a secret hangar. And even though I can't quite remember the specifics of it, I thought the music that played when Anakin sits in front of his mother's grave was effectively touching and sad. The other bits of music Williams created for this movie, however, I think are forgettable, particularly during the action scenes where, after a while, everything is droning on, including the music. It figures that even a great, talented composer like him wouldn't be able save those scenes.

On the second part of the episode of the CineFiles that was dedicated to the Star Wars saga, host Edwin Samuelson said he felt that Episode II: Attack of the Clones was the best of the prequels. As I always say, he's entitled to his opinion, but I agree with co-host Jeff Gallashaw when he said he feels it's the worst. To me, it's also the worst of the saga in general. I may not out and out despise it like everyone else, but everything comes together so poorly that it's pretty close to being a movie that I hate. The story is overly long and complicated, the romantic subplot is piss-poor and poorly written, Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman's acting is atrocious, the CGI, when it's good, is used so much that it's overwhelming, the digital look of the film combined with the CGI is actually hard for me to look at, and the action scenes are mind-numbing due to their length and reliance on video game cut-scene-like computer effects. The Phantom Menace has a lot of problems but I can still watch it as a time-waster and remember the fun experience I had seeing it at the theater when I was twelve; I doubt I'll watch Attack of the Clones except for whenever I get in the mood to do a Star Wars marathon.