Well, this is my 100th post on this blog. It's amazing that I started this blog back in February and I've reached one hundred posts in just seven months. This is what happens when you're unemployed with a lot of time on your hands. For all of you who've been reading the reviews and giving me support, I sincerely thank you because I had no self-confidence in my reviewing abilities whatsoever when I started. I've always felt I ramble and go all over the place but many of you have said I'm a great "critic" so I appreciate the love.
My 100th post was originally going to be another review. It was going to be on an independent, shot on video film called Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls. It was one of several movies my friend Jeff Burr sent me because he felt I might get a kick out of them. All it is is a semi-porno that's trying to be a vampire flick at the same time. There's so much skin in it that it's unbelievable. I tried to watch the movie again to review it but I got about forty minutes into it and turned it off. I don't feel like reviewing something like that and I also don't understand movies like that where they clearly just wanted to make a porn but decided to try to put a story in as well. I'd say just make a porno. I won't watch it, mind you, but at least you'll be upfront about giving those who want to see it what they want. I'm not going to review it not only because of that, though. Honestly, I'm not going to waste my time reviewing no budget, shot on video independent films like that. That's not a slam on independent filmmakers, mind you. In fact, I applaud anybody who does that because I'd imagine that it's hard to make movies to begin with, even more so when you don't have much of a budget and aren't guaranteed that it'll get distributed. So you guys deserve to be commended. That being said, I just don't find those type of independent films fun to watch and most of the time, there's not much to them. Like I said, my review of that Vamps movie would have been, there's lots of tits and ass, a priest shacks up with a woman who becomes a vampire, etc., the end. Maybe I'm biased but I like movies that have at least some semblance of a budget and try to tell a story, which some independent filmmakers nowadays just don't. I'm sorry if I sound snobby towards no budget independent films but that's honestly how I feel.
Here's something else I want to talk about. As you know, I'm a big fan of the horror genre. I like everything from movies that try to be atmospheric and creepy to just out and out splatter flicks that show off their gore effects. Those movies are fun. But in recent years, a new type of horror film has emerged that I'm not a fan of. I'm talking about all these extremely brutal horror flicks that boggle down to just being pure exploitation. Granted, some horror films that I like such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes are exploitation movies but I feel that those try to be more than that. Some exploitation movies that don't do that can still be enjoyable but that's the point. They're enjoyable. The movies that I'm talking about like Inside, Martyrs, the August Underground films, the Guinea Pig movies, The Human Centipede, and especially A Serbian Film, all those movies are are fake snuff movies. They're not enjoyable, they're just sick and depressing. I'll admit that I do like Cannibal Holocaust, which is a pretty messed up film that has actual animal killings in it but I think that movie has a lot more to it. These other movies are just meant to shock you and honestly, I don't want to see them. In fact, I haven't seen any of those movies that I mentioned. You can call me out for bashing movies that I haven't seen but in this case, I don't care. To me, these movies, especially A Serbian Film, just ooze pure venom and hatred for the human race from the filmmakers. What's funny is that the late Gene Siskel said that one of the few movies he ever walked out on was William Lustig's Maniac, which is a pretty horrific film. It'd be interesting if Siskel had lived long enough to see some of these movies and what he would have had to say. I'm sure, if not growing to like Maniac, he would have been a little less harsh on it. Also, Brad Jones, aka the Cinema Snob, was so horrified and disgusted by A Serbian Film that he said he regrets seeing it and if you watch his videos, you know that he watches some messed up movies. His favorite movie is Caligula, so that should tell you something right there. So you can call me a wimp or whatever but I'm not watching and reviewing any of those movies because there's some stuff that I just don't want to pollute my brain with.
Related to these movies are the so-called mainstream "torture porn" movies like the Saw and Hostel movies, Touristas, Captivity and so on. Most of these movies I won't review either but for a different reason. These movies are depressing as well but I don't think they're as venomous as those movies I mentioned earlier. However, I don't like them because I don't understand the entertainment value derived from seeing someone slowly tortured. I do like the first Saw but that's a psychological thriller for the most part and even then, I parted with my DVD of it because the endless sequels which are more torture porn ruin it for me. I may review the Hostel movies just so I can rip on that schmuck Eli Roth, whom I consider an enormous hack, but other than that, I don't think you'll see any reviews of these types of movies because they just don't interest me, much like why you won't see any reviews of romantic comedies.
That's all I've got to say. If you're disappointed that I'm not reviewing some of those movies, I'm sorry but I don't think I'll change my mind. Anyway, get ready for an awesome batch of horror reviews in October. You won't see a review every day because that would kill me but there's going to be a lot of stuff coming. See you then!
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